Is This Mommy Blogger Trying To Make Servers Hate Her?

I had never heard of MommyShorts.com until someone sent me the above photo, so I immediately put down my glass of Pinot Grigio to Google it. (I just got back from Italy, so wine is my current thing.) It’s no surprise that Mommy Shorts is a “mommy blog.” I swear to god, the only thing there are more of than insufferable children is blogs about them. I didn’t spend a lot of time on the blog because reading about a mom’s adventures with her two kids is about as interesting for me to read as this blog is for 99.99% of the world population. In other words, I get that mommy blogs are way more popular than ones where middle-aged men gripe about the state of their employment situation. However, if that’s your thing, you can check out the blog here or got to the Mommy Shorts Facebook page and tell them I said hello.

Anyhoo, the photo from Mommy Shorts rubs me wrong in very much the same way the collar of my polyester Black Eyed Pea uniform shirt used to. I get that it’s a tongue in cheek letter to her server, but the overall tone is slightly condescending:

Dear Server,

Hi. We don’t know each other. Yet. But my children will under both yours and my care for the next one to two hours.

How that goes is up to both of us.

I know I may seem like an asshole when I demand bread and water before I even sit down at the table, but everything I do and say from this point forward is strictly to ensure that we are in and out of here quickly and with as little ado as possible.

We are on the same team, you and I. Got it?

Okay.

Now take my order, get me some crayons and bring the check with the food.

Sincerely,
MOMMYSHORTS.com.

P.S. I have moved the cutlery and the candle intentionally. Please don’t move them back.

Okay, is it just me, or is that fucking letter ripe with pretension? I mean, come on! I took the liberty of correcting the letter for Miss Mommy Shorts so she can fully understand how truly shitty it was. I also went ahead and wrote a letter that I would like to give to her if she ever sits in my section:I realize that by posting this, I may have to face the wrath of thousands of mommy blog fans, but I’m ready. Hey, I have been on vacation for two weeks and I am ready to stir the fucking pot.

And by the way, if you want some more bitchy, you can buy my book by clicking here.

40 thoughts on “Is This Mommy Blogger Trying To Make Servers Hate Her?

  1. Tim

    As a parent of a toddler who is surprisingly awesome in restaurants, I love your response to this. We literally have our restaurant kit with a couple of toys and coloring supplies and will bring a snack if we don’t know about “freebies” like bread, chips, or etc. We’ve also made a point to call in advance to restaurants and find out if they are kid friendly. You know, do they have high chairs, kids options, or are otherwise generally kid friendly so that we don’t take her somewhere where you end up demanding things they don’t have, like this entitle mommy blogger probably does on a regular basis? Good times.

    Reply
    1. Thora

      I love you so much for this lol. I wish all parents were this prepared. Instead I hear “BREADSTICKS. KID MENU. GRAPES. JUICE. NOW.” Ugh

      Reply
    2. Smarty

      And don’t forget to clean up after your children! It is beyond rude to leave the scrambled eggs that your little darling threw on the floor there for someone else to get in their hands and knees to pick up!

      Reply
    3. Michelle

      I am a mother to a four year old and a waitress. I can say with confidence that waiting on children is the absolute worst. They make a mess and parents are so fucking entitled. I wear a snap back to work and look like a childless dyke, so it is no surprise that people think they can treat me like steaming garbage. My number one complaint is FOOD ALL OVER THE FLOOR and strollers. I could write an entire book about how much I hate strollers. Parents are just the worst. So many demands. So demeaning. So annoying. They never clean up after their children.

      Parents are the worst tippers. When my wife and I eat out with our son we tip as though he ordered an adult entree. He is taking up a seat and probably counts as a head in the server rotation. We also only bring him to restaurants where he is welcome. There is a time and a place for everything and a fine dining restaurant at seven thirty is just no place for a child.

      I absolutely LOVE babies, but they don’t drink alcohol and they leave me no money so I don’t like waiting on them.

      Reply
  2. Pammy

    As both a former server and a mother of a four-year old, everything about this is spot on. The original letter is BS. You are not on the same “team”. Lady- you’re the one with the kid. It’s your team and not anyone else’s responsibility. I also take serious issue with handing your server a note at the beginning of a meal unless there is a logical reason (like a surprise) or disability. Ugh.

    Reply
  3. Ginger

    I have four children. I’ve had good restaurant experiences and bad ones. Mostly good ones, though, because I’m a veteran server of 25 years. You are so right, this Mommy Blogger is so wrong. She’s the definition of the asshole that she doesn’t want to be seen as. She needed schooling. Good job. I hope she reads this.

    Reply
  4. Lara

    Man, do I hate it when parents expect servers/service workers to babysit their kids. I’m not a server, (am looking into it though) but I work in customer service and I have lost track of the amount of times that parents have left their kids in my department and gone around to shop. I won’t watch them. I will walk away and continue to do my job. And I’ve had parents literally yell at me when their kid either runs off, makes a mess, or gets hurt. I always say that if you want a babysitter while you shop, hire one. I don’t get paid enough to watch your kid while doing my actual job.

    Reply
    1. Steve

      I know someone who got fired for agreeing to watch someone’s kid when they went back home to get the receipt they needed to make a return and she deserved it.

      Reply
  5. Krista

    What a crocodile c*nt.

    I’m a mother of two children – one who is four and a half and one who is in a wheelchair. I also know exactly how I need to go about doing things in order to get in and out of some place quickly.

    I also know how to use my manners and request those things politely so that people don’t want to smash me over the head with a f****** coffee pot.

    Either hire a servant to do things the way you want them and also to tolerate the ginormous holes in the furniture you leave from the steel rod shoved up your anus, or learn how to adult in public.
    Kthxbai

    Reply
  6. April

    As a former server and a parent of teenagers, you are right on. You don’t need bread and water the second you sit down. If you’re kids are 4 or older, they are capable of waiting patiently. If they are younger, then YOU, the PARENT bring what you need to occupy them for a few moments. Sippy cups and a cracker will generally do it. Most kid friendly places bring the freaking crayons when they seat you. You don’t need to demand them.

    You made the choice to have kids. they are under your care. Pretty much at all times. You don’t get to share that with servers, the cashier or any other service people.

    The only thing I expected from my server when the kids were small was not to put hot food or drink directly in their reach. And if they did, I just scooped it up and moved it. I dislike this new attitude that servers are there to be your assistant nanny and aren’t important enough to use the word please when speaking to them.

    Reply
  7. Jinny

    As a mom of who has spent most of her life bartending/serving- nobody is responsible for your kids but you, lady. I love kids- what I don’t love is bullshit parents who feel like their responsibility ends as soon as they walk in the door. Your kid under the table?? When I trip and they get burnt it will be my fault, right? Not yours. Even though I’ve been doing the damn twinkle toe acrobat routine for 2 hours around them while you stare at your phone. People suck.

    Reply
    1. Jen

      Twinkle toe acrobats? Sooooo true! I’m surprised at the moves I can make when hot plates and small kids are involved! Loved this statement!

      Reply
      1. Jinny

        Sometimes I swear I am training for the circus, not serving food. You know that kid..he’s under the table, then he’s by the bathroom, then he’s trying to go in the kitchen, he’s playing tag in front of service bar..all while mom is drinking her wine and looking at her IG. Meanwhile 8 servers are giving her and little Petie the side eye and bitching under their breath. Parents like that are the worst of the worst!

        Reply
  8. Bluebell

    I am SO supportive of Bitchy Waiter here. I’m the ex-waitress and current member of society sick-and-tired of hearing kids and parents screaming entitlement everywhere they go at the great detriment to everyone else around them. Why should you occupy a seat for 2 hours? Why are you bringing children into public to “eat” if you have such little control of their behaviour that even YOU are nervously demanding others to help? You teach them how to behave, practising at home. If they veer more than 50% away from a human standard of decency in a restaurant, then they get warned, then taken home if they continue. You do NOT allow them to just “be kids” with total disregard for the peace of others around you. The server is NOT a childcare expert, nor should they have to be. YOU are. Your manners here communicating any respect to the server were severely lacking. Oh and by the way? That entitlement you’re demanding for your kids now is going to make them IMPOSSIBLE to live with and they cannot fail to grow into self-centered, obnoxious adults they’ll be modelling themselves on in their surroundings…yes that’s YOU.

    Reply
  9. Chryssy | WellRoundedMom

    I’m one of those dreaded mommy bloggers, and I’m totally with you. They are my kids, my responsibility. Any decent server will know to bring bread quickly fir a table with kids, and if they don’t I know how to say please.

    I’ve never had a server move dangerous things back if I’ve moved them out if my kid’s reach. Once again, any server with a brain knows candles/knives/obnoxious flipping promo menus shouldn’t be within a kid’s reach.

    Some people think breeding makes them better. Nope. Just means you got laid at least once. I won’t look down on or judge anyone for not having kids if they won’t look down on me for having them. And if you do look down on me, I won’t dislike you for being child free; I’ll dislike you for being an asshole.

    Reply
    1. Ali

      Oh, stop it with the niceties. You’re expecting a server to quickly bring bread to a table because you have kids. That is part of the problem. You want special treatment because you have kids. In fact, you expect it!! You don’t care that the rest of us were seated much earlier and get to watch our waiter immediately bring bread to your table because entitlement, I mean, kids. You can try to lie, but you’re not ready to run for political office yet and your kids probably don’t believe what you say either.

      This isn’t a game of I won’t tell on you if you don’t tell on me. I dislike you because you are entitled and lazy and I don’t care what you think of me.

      Reply
  10. Nai

    I am an ex-server with a toddler and I refuse to be one if these people. I have a bag of small ‘things to do’ and spend time waiting for food playing with and distracting my child because I don’t want to cause the problems others have caused me while working (roller skates in the dining room anyone?).

    Bitchy, I love when you speak out againt asshole kids and parents. If I ever have one or become one, you have my word that I’ll never eat out again.

    Reply
  11. server mommy

    as a mother of two about to be 3 and also a server i can tell u now i would wanna slap the shit out this woman if i had to serve her or even if that was my friend i would wanna slap her. i think its funny how she tries to put responsibly of HER kids on a server sorry hunny but they came from ur who ha so ur responsibly, cant handle it maybe u should go out to eat at McDonald’s i heard they have a drive thro so u dont even have to take them out thd car *gasp* who knew!

    PLEASE dont come to my resturant with or without ur kids!

    Reply
  12. Alina Pluta

    As a fellow employee in the restaurant business for a lengthy 20 years or so. I have a toddler, and I bring her food with us as she is kinda picky as most kids. And while I don’t mind paying 3$ for a side of avocado I’ll just bring my own. She does not throw food and or yell. We try to be as quiet and quick as possible. This goes for everywhere in public. While I think my kid is the cats pajamas, I also don’t wanna hear her shit. As all of you do not as well. There is nothing worse than listening to a child scream. Especially at dinner. If my kid does have a meltdown either my husband or myself remove the offending child, to which we have an evacuation plan he takes her out I get check and food and we go. That simple. Kids have a short fuse for bullshit as well. So we try to honor all of that.

    Reply
  13. Sara

    I’m a mom of two and I’ve worked in the hospitality industry for 13 years. The woman who wrote that “letter” is wrong in every way, aside from the cutlery and the candle, safety first. Your response is spot on. It’s because of working in restaurants that my children will always be angels in restaurants.

    Reply
  14. The Barbara Chandler!

    Call Child Protective Services on the cunt and then she can see whose ass they crawl up for the next year. It certainly won’t include the restaurant staff, unless they are looking for witnesses.

    Reply
  15. Jill Moran

    As an Mom to 3, grandma to 5 and an ex server/manager/cook I can tell you MommyShorts needs to stop consuming whatever is making her brain short out and wake up and smell the poop she is slinging. I could take my kids/grandkids to ANY restaurant and they knew how to act, how to keep themselves busy and be POLITE to everyone. No screaming was needed by me to get this done, the rules were laid out before we walked into the restaurant and I made sure there were plenty of snacks and/or activities to keep them busy and quiet. I believe one child made a scene once and that child was taken out of the restaurant and dealt with. When they calmed down, we went back in. No one wants to listen to a screaming child while paying good money to eat out. I didn’t expect anyone else but me to take care of them. They are MY kids, my responsibility. MommyShorts take some responsibility, you had these kids, the waiter didn’t.

    Reply
  16. Mary

    As a mommy and a life-long server, i agree with everything you said in response to Miss Mommy Shorts. She sounds like the only pain in the ass. I think I would rather take on her kids alone than with her in the mix. She sounds like that super annoying mom in the grocery store screaming at her kids and using the same condescending tone with everyone she comes in contact with. Love you BW! Glad you’re back and ready to stir the pot!

    Reply
  17. Stacy

    Sad thing is, I just watched a video of a woman freaking out in a restaurant because a veteran brought his service dog in with him. Saying how unsanitary it is. Well, I would rather have 15 dogs all in my section , than have 1 screaming, demanding, hyper messy brat! Sorry js!

    Reply
    1. CarolynM

      I saw that one too! Blew my damn mind! The guy who seemed to be with her – you could tell from his face that he just wanted the earth to open up and swallow him whole. I think it went on longer than it needed to though … either toss her immediately or call the cops to do it – I felt bad for the other diners being subjected to that assholishness.

      The best part was in that whole video … the dog was the best behaved out of everyone! 🙂

      Reply
  18. April

    I have been a server/bartender for about 11 years. I am now a restaurant Manager. I am also a single mom. My child is 10 so he is very capable of behaving in any restaurant but I must say that even when he was a small child he did not misbehave when we went to a restaurant. At the restaurant where I work now I can honestly say that I haven’t had any bad experiences with children. Maybe it’s because of where I live and work, it seems that parents are actually parenting their children. What caught my attention most about some of these posts is parents asking servers to watch their children for them. The server can’t possibly watch that child/children every second and if something happened to that child for instance, if the wandered off or if a stranger took the child, it would be the parents fault. Responsible parents won’t ask a server to watch their children. Just wanted to share my thoughts.

    Reply
  19. Julie

    What I really don’t understand is why I see so many servers falling over themselves to help parents to the detriment of their other tables. Why do they cater to the high maintenance tables who most likely tip badly?
    I get so frustrated watching this when my drink glass hasn’t been refilled once and I make it a standard to tip at least 20% because I’ve been there and done that. But what I see when eating out is typically servers kissing up to the parents and kids. I’m happy with equal service for all and don’t expect to be catered to in any way. The restaurant scene just makes me inclined to eat at home and avoid watching the drama.
    For the servers who don’t cater to the parents, thank you!!! And please let me know where I can find you.

    Reply

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