This Week’s Stupid 1-Star Review is From Kevin H.

In this week’s review of a stupid 1-star review, allow me to introduce you to Kevin who recently dined at Savannah, Georgia’s historic The Olde Pink House. Having dined there myself, I can attest that it is quite lovely. In fact, I liked it so very much that I chose to go there a second time for my final meal on my vacation in Savannah. Sadly, it did not meet up to Kevin’s expectations. In fact, it “just sucks.”

Let me break it down for you. He thinks it was overpriced for the portions, which is subjective. If one is used to “all you can eat apps” for $10, it may be hard to adjust to paying $11.95 for a pan seared jumbo lump crabcake. However, look at the menu before you go and decide if the prices are comfortable for you. Mostly, he is upset that it was his wife’s birthday and they didn’t roll out the red carpet, shoot of the confetti cannons or tickle his taint for the momentous occasion. It seems she wanted shrimp and grits for her birthday dinner, so rather than go to a restaurant that, you know, actually had shrimp and grits on the menu, they went to The Olde Pink House and asked them to make it for her. The waitress obliged, but what came out was a “stupid shrimp and grit CAKE!” Now, keep in mind the restaurant was trying to accommodate Kevin’s wife by making something that wasn’t on the menu. His wife “was not happy at all.” However, when the waitress asked how things were, they told her everything was fine and they ate it anyway. Based on my experience, the staff would have wanted to fix the problem, but if you tell them there is no problem, they don’t know that something needs to be fixed. Your fault, Kevin.

Also, his mother-in-law only got two scallops in her meal, her spinach was salty and the father-in-law’s pickles were too sour. Kevin and his brood of really great customers told the manager about this disappointment and her meal was comped. But Kevin still left a 1-star review because that’s what over-complainers do.

Finally, the waitress told them there was surprise in store for them to celebrate the fact that Kevin’s wife clawed her way out of a vagina so many years ago. When the surprise arrived, Kevin again had his hopes dashed upon the rocks because all they received was a “little fruit, a little whipped cream, and happy birthday written in chocolate” along with four spoons. Kevin did not understand how all four of them were supposed to eat such a small amount. What I don’t understand is what Kevin expected for free. Did he think they were going to roll out a giant cake out of which would pop Stevie Wonder to sing Happy Birthday? (Honestly, probably not a good idea since he’s blind and all that. Insurance liabilities, you know?) Kevin, if you want something really special and delicious and big enough for all four of you to share, maybe you should pay for it. That way, you can be assured of what you are getting. See how that works? If you don’t want fruit, you wouldn’t order fruit. If you want a lot of dessert, you would order two or three. It’s not the responsibility of TheOlde Pink House or any other restaurant to satisfy a birthday dessert craving for free. When a restaurant brings out a free dessert for your special occasion, it’s a gesture of kindness and not an expectation.

Kevin ends his review explaining that he doesn’t don’t plan on going back to Savannah again, but making a point to say that even if he did, he will NOT set foot in The Olde Pink House which is probably fine with them. Both times I ate there, there was a line of people outside the door waiting to experience the delicious food, wonderful atmosphere and stellar service. They’ll be fine without you, Kevin. And happy birthday to your wife.

Here is Kevin’s full review:

This place just sucks. It’s way over priced for the portions you get. It definitely did not live up to the hype at all. We visited Savannah for the first time for my wife’s birthday weekend and this was the grand finale dinner. I wish we went to any other restaurant in Savannah but this one. My wife just wanted shrimp & grits for her birthday dinner. You would think a top rated restaurant in Savannah would make a great shrimp & grits. WRONG! That is the furthest thing from the truth! I told our waitress we just wanted shrimp & grits and she said “oh yeah, we can definitely do that, it’s something off the menu, but we can do it” and I said “yes we wanted that”. Instead we get some stupid shrimp and grit CAKE! Also, we ordered a side of crab cake. The crab cake was a little ball and it was disgusting. My wife was not happy at all. When the waitress asked how it was, we told her it was fine and we ate it but we asked for regular shrimp & grits and not a shrimp & grits cake. She tells us well there’s something off the menu, that we could have done and I said that’s what we asked for!!! She shrugs and then says wait we have a surprise for the birthday girl. It was a little fruit, a little whipped cream, and happy birthday written in chocolate. Not even a little piece of cake, wow. My wife’s parents were with us and she gave us 4 spoons. We didn’t see how 4 people could eat the little they gave us. Also, my mother in law only got 2 scallops, her spinach was really salty, and my father in law’s bread & butter pickles were too sour. The manager stopped by and my mother in law told her what was wrong with her meal and they didn’t charge us for her meal. We don’t plan on coming back to Savannah but if we do, we will definitely NOT step foot in the olde pink house! Really the only highlight from the whole dinner was the molasses that my father in law ordered but heck that was probably store bought out of a jar. P.S. if you want advice for how to do shrimp & grits correctly, give Fleet Landing Restaurant & Bar in Charleston a call and also hire competent waitresses who understand what customers want!