We Open at 11:00. Leave Us Alone Until Then.

Dear Customer Who Wants to Come Into the Restaurant Before We Are Open,

Don’t. Our hours are clearly marked in a variety of places. From our website to the sign on our door to Google to Yelp, you will see that we open 11:00. Don’t come knocking on the door at 10:45 asking if you can come in early and wait because the answer will be no. We don’t care if it’s raining or if it’s hot outside and you want to sit in the air conditioning. We don’t want your ass in the restaurant until we absolutely have to have your ass in the restaurant. You may not mind sitting at a table and waiting until we are ready, but we do. We don’t want you staring at us as we do our last minute preparations for work and we certainly don’t want to take an extra 30 seconds to “just bring you some water.” No. Sit in your car, sit on the sidewalk or sit on your fucking thumb, but don’t sit in the restaurant until we are open.

Also, it may only be two minutes until opening time, but please don’t knock on the glass door and point at your watch and shrug your shoulders. We know it’s 10:58. In two minutes we will hit the switch that forces a smile on our face, but until that time, go fuck yourself. Knocking on the door or window is not going to make time move faster for you. We will unlock the door when our phone says it’s 11:00 and not a second sooner. You are not going to starve or die of dehydration in the two minutes it takes for it to officially become time to open.

Finally, don’t call us before we open either. We’re busy getting ready to serve an unlimited supply of assholes and when the phone rings, our manager expects us to answer it. We don’t want to, so don’t call. You probably Googled us to get our phone number so on that same webpage where you see our phone number, you will also see our hours of operation. Heed them. Don’t give us another reason to want to hate you because we already have plenty of those. Be warned: if you call before we are open, you may be on the receiving end of this employee tirade.

In closing, please take note of what time we open and then don’t talk to us or expect us to want to deal with you until then.

Mustard and mayo,
Bitchy Waiter

p.s. Before you get all upset with this employee in the video, it’s pretty clear that is not a real situation. It seems to be a set up, giving this employee the opportunity to live out his dream of what he wishes he could say to that customer who calls before we are open. Relax.

22 thoughts on “We Open at 11:00. Leave Us Alone Until Then.

  1. Habitua Linestepper

    Before the flood of people who don’t work in the industry start in with their “why nots?”, note that it’s a liability to allow people inside before opening and most places need you out after a certain time too. That’s literally how people get robbed and killed.

    Reply
  2. Habitua Linestepper

    Edit: bending the rules is how people have gotten robbed or killed. I reread my post and it was murky. Apologies.

    Reply
  3. JoeyWaitron

    I used to set up the place every morning in the dark . Good 30 min to set up 3 rooms for brkfst ( pretty posh area sourrounded by condos and nice apt’s ) . Phone rrriiiings & again & again – I had to pick up – owners would test us. Lady : “Are you open?” I’m no , not until 7:30 (20+ min) . Lady : I can see you in there from my balcony…” Felt like I had a stalker .

    Reply
    1. kim

      Hi Tom,

      When you value your customers more than your staff you are putting your value in the wrong place. You need to buy a fucking clue. You gain you employee’s respect and they will take care of your customers. If your employees all think you’re a total fuckwhistle, which clearly you are, then they won’t give a rats ass if your business fails. Fuckyou very much.

      Reply
    2. Joseph

      Yet, when the restaurant isn’t set up and prepared for service because this early guest needs attention, and water, and coffee, and a Mimosa, and a Bloody Mary, and a menu, and the menu read to her because they forgot their glasses, and the WiFi password and moves from one table to another 2 or 3 times. The service staff isn’t doing the job up to your standards?

      Reply
    3. Mia O'Rourke

      …as a long-time GM and café owner, I sometimes needed that time to generally touch base and review the specials with the staff, share scheduling concerns, even change lightbulbs. That pre-service time allows us to give customers the very best service when . we . open! Sneaking in early is a disruption to the nuts & bolts running of the restaurant. Just don’t do it.

      Reply
  4. JoeyWaitron

    Mister Tom The Owner . I agree w/Another Bitchy Server ( Hi , there!) – go fuck yourself and your fucking restaurant ( if u have one to begin with ) . And we all know there are plenty of shitty places to work , asshole coworkers and prick owners .

    Reply
  5. Joseph Ranonis

    It’s always the worst for Sunday Brunch. Some lady with her kids will show up early and claim she’s waiting for 8 other people. She just wants to get seated early and will be no bother. The staff is trying to get the restaurant set up for a busy shift, her kids and strollers are blocking the aisle, she’s pulling tables together and now she wants to order water, a coffee, a mimosa, a bloody mary, orange juice in kids cups, see a menu, just something for the kids because they’re starving and now she needs you to read her the menu because she left her glasses in the car.
    Two, of her 8 expected guests arrive, one at a time over the next two hours and just as she gets her check, two more arrive, until 4 hours later, most of her other friends arrive, but they’ve already eaten somewhere else and just want some water.

    Reply
  6. J

    Back in 2012 we literally had a guy in an electric wheelchair manage to go all the way around to the back of our building, ENTER THE KITCHEN FROM THE BACK SWING DOOR AND ASK IF WE WERE READY TO OPEN 20 MINS BEFORE OPENING.

    Reply
  7. Caddywonked

    My managers have started letting people in 10 to 15 minutes before opening when half my opening duties aren’t even done yet, and it infuriates me every time

    Reply
  8. Rachel

    Sunday Brunch is the absolute worst. I have to lock the door as soon as I see any cars pull in because motherfuckers show up not 5, not 10, but more than 30 MINUTES EARLY. Do these people have nothing better to do? Like the McDonald’s drive through is open 24/7 down the road. Take your ass down there and choke on some greasy McGriddles if you are that desperate for food. I have to take our brunch sign we put out by the road out the back door because all these early ass bitches would probably overtake me if I went out the front just to get their shitty 3 dollar bloody marys and their stupid fritattas.

    Reply
  9. Louisa

    Person pulling and thumping on the locked door 10 minutes before opening…only followed by a phone call on the other side of the door….”Are you open?” don’t you think if we were open…the door would be open????? We are still icing bins, setting tables and counting money etc., wait until we open!!!!

    Reply
  10. Mary

    I grew up on a farm. In the morning our pigs would assemble at the barn door snorting and stomping waiting to be fed. When you assemble at the door of a restaurant that is not yet open, that is exactly what you look like. It is just gross. Really?? Do you think that the entire restaurant is going to fill up in the first 30 seconds after the door is unlocked and we will be unable to seat you??? We (the staff) are laughing at you as you press your snout against our freshly Windexed door. You are hated before you even get inside! Do you have any class? Manners? Have you ever dined out before? Is every meal Black Friday to you??
    My favorite is when they pound on the door like they are being pursued by an ax murderer. You open the door and they say, ” Are you open yet??” Really you stupid fuck?? What business keeps the door locked during business hours?? Yes, business hours!! Read the sign…

    Reply

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