We all have ways of “getting even” with our tables when they upset us somehow. Maybe you are one of those servers who intentionally farts over and over again, each time you pass by them releasing the noxious fumes of that plate of nachos you had on your two minute break in the kitchen. Or perhaps you have had a customer who mistreated you the whole time you were serving them, so you told them that their credit card had been declined even though it hadn’t. (This is especially great when that customer is someone who is making a big deal about paying for everyone and you announce the declined credit card within earshot of the rest of the table.) Maybe just shoving your hands into your apron and furiously flipping them off when you know they can’t see it is enough for you. My point is that we all have things we do to help us feel better about serving an asshole. It won’t change their behavior but it soothes our souls.
I thought I was King of Petty Behavior Land, but then Mae comes along and usurps my throne:
I got something petty for you. When a table stiffs me and they paid with their card and their name is on the slip, I look up their Facebook page and report it as being a fake account.
Damn, Mae. Petty much? What kind of person are you to use your valuable time looking up a perfect stranger on Facebook just so that you can report their page as being fake? Do you really think that is the best thing to do because someone didn’t leave you a tip? And does Facebook even care? What, this person might get a notice from Facebook and then they have to fill out a form or something proving they are a real person? And then maybe that person spends hours wondering who in the world would report their page as being fake. Mae, that is the pettiest, lowest, biggest waste of time I have ever heard of and you know what?
I fucking love it.
Why not have everyone at the restaurant all log into Facebook (on their own time of course, because cell phone use is strictly prohibited while on the floor, right?) and all of you report that account as being fake? That way, maybe Facebook will really take notice of this suspicious account and that cheap asshole will have their account deleted and you can live your life knowing that even though you still didn’t get a tip, at least you made their life inconvenient for a bit of time.
Petty? You bet.
Necessary? Absolutely not.
Worth it? Hell yeah!