Finally, Waiters Can Write Reviews of Their Customers

A pair of of computer engineers/web developers in Ogden, Utah who also work part-time at their local LongHorn Steakhouse have just created a new website that will revolutionize the way customers dine out in restaurants. It’s called Welp and it will finally give servers the chance to rate and review the people who sit in their sections. Head server/lead engineer of the project, Danny Fugazi, explains:

“After all these years of customers having the upper hand and being able to rip us apart in reviews on Yelp and Facebook, we finally decided to do something about it. So one night, when me and my friends were having a drink after a really shitty night of serving steaks and potatoes, we came up with this idea. We all have real jobs as computer engineers and software developers, so we knew we could make this work. Three days later, Welp was born.”

The new site will give servers the opportunity to log on, create an account and then review and rate their customers. Servers are encouraged to take note of the customer’s name on the credit card and then write a review specifically about them. The theory is that the website will help in two ways: it will let servers know who are the good tippers and who are the total assholes and it will also let customers know that if they treat staff poorly, their name will end up in the database with a bad rating and hopefully encourage them to do better to improve their reviews.

“We know this is going to be difficult to get off the ground, but we think it can really be great,” says co-creator Evan Hansen. “I mean, if I had a 1-star ranking on Yelp, I’d do whatever I could to make it go up. That can only make for better customers, right? Also, if customers don’t like it, they can suck my left nut.”

Granted, it can be difficult to know the name of your customer before they sit down, but if they have a reservation, you will now be able to look them up on Welp and know what you are in for. If you see James H. Madison is going to be in your section at 7:30 and he has a Welp ranking of 1-star, you will know to not focus too much energy on him since he’s a noted pain in the ass.

Servers who are worried about losing their jobs for publicly  shaming a customer need not be concerned. Each account comes with a lifetime supply of free legal advice as well as a box of Totino’s Pizza Rolls. Fugazi and Hansen hope to have a million customers in their database within six months and eventually take over the original Yelp website. After that, their plan is to take control of Facebook, Instagram and My Space. You can click here to start your own Welp account and also make sure that, if you’re in it, you have a 5-star ranking. Any questions about the new site can be directed to their email address: wishfulfuckingthinking@gmail.com

22 thoughts on “Finally, Waiters Can Write Reviews of Their Customers

  1. Chester Payne

    I worked at the Chicago Hilton for twenty five years. The worst customer I had waited on a couple of times was the Rev Jessie Jackson. He was the most pretentious and arrogant person I have ever waited on. His staff treated me with respect. Jessie would not even look at me while taking his order… What a Jerk!

    Reply
  2. Fae

    As I read this, I was starting to wonder how this would work for customers that pay cash and in places that don’t do reservations like Denny’s and IHOP and Waffle House etc… then I near the end and realize it’s still but a dream….le sigh….

    Reply
  3. Carlo Volti

    There is one major problem with this concept. Almost all tagatabas have strict policies regarding making comments about the size or absence of a tip, as well as doing anything to embarrass their customers. The usual penalty for violating these rules is termination, and getting a bad reference to prevent these types of servers from working anywhere else. No matter how well the names are changed, and the incidents are anonymized, the customers WILL recognize themselves and WILL complain to the restaurants. And restaurants, being businesses first foremost, will do anything to placate these customers up to and including terminating servers based solely on the words of these customers. They won’t care if there’s no proof if it was even the server they named just as long as they don’t lose business. I have personally known too many servers who have been fired for posting anonymous complaints about customers, even when it couldn’t actually be traced back to them. So I only see a concept like this being successful for servers who are planning on getting out of the business immediately…

    Reply
  4. Carlo Volti

    In the previous comment, I do not know how, or why your editing program changed the word “restaurant” to “tagatabas” after I hit send. Whatever that alternative word is supposed to mean, it wasn’t on my screen; can you please correct it. Thank you

    Reply
  5. Brian

    This is the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen. A lawsuit waiting to happen. If a customer sees a business write a bad review about them, are they just going to say, ” Oh wow, I should tip 20% next time.” No. They will 1) Never spend another dime at that restaurant and 2) Sue the shit out of the deep pocket restaurant. Most restaurants won’t even auto-grat a party of 8 anymore, you think they’re going to be ok with their employees writing negative things about paying customers? And some servers struggle with splitting checks and multiple payment POS systems. Now that server has to write down the name from a credit card (which may be illegal) wait for that customer to fill out their credit card slip and leave, then look at the tip and make a determination as to whether to leave a bad review? This is a site designed by jaded millenials who want to strike revenge on shitty customers. They don’t understand the customer is always right. Shitty as that is sometimes, it’s reality.
    The only way to ensure better tips for a server is for that server to work in a restaurant with a high enough check average to weed out the cheap lower class people that don’t tip.

    Reply
    1. Jessica

      I worked at a restaurant with high check averages. That does not mean people still tip well, or at all. It doesn’t weed out a damn thing, it just makes the guest think they deserve more and that they can treat you worse because they’re paying more.

      Reply
    2. Serenity

      I just made the transition from a “higher class” restaurant to a lower priced, more blue collar restaurant. I am making more money there on average, as these “lower class” people are more appreciative of good service, tend to tip a higher percentage, and have better manners overall (i.e. actually acknowledging the server and stopping conversation when being checked on). They are also overall friendlier and more forgiving of minor mistakes, as they understand that we are hard working human beings, not some lower class “servant” that they get to boss around for an hour or 2. I can now go to work and be genuinely happy, not walk on eggshells or stifle my personality for fear of offending Mr. and Mrs. Richie Rich, and bring home bank.

      Reply
    3. Sally

      This comment above ^ is the “stupidest thing I’ve ever seen.”

      “A lawsuit waiting to happen.”?

      Freedom of speech is what it is called.

      “If a customer sees a business write a bad review about them- They will 1) Never spend another dime at that restaurant”

      Which would be in their best interest because the server who had the pleasure of taking care of you has told every other server in the restaurant and even pointed you out to all servers working and shared the details of the whole lovely affair. Which means if you come back again you will be getting extremely slow service to say the least with a few treats in store for you.

      “2) Sue the shit out of the deep pocket restaurant.”

      FYI – anonymous comments revert back to squat.

      “Most restaurants won’t even auto-grat a party of 8 anymore”

      Not true. Oh, are you the one who asks for the gratuity to be removed from the bill because your head is so far up your ass that your food tasted like 💩? Oh but that must have been the servers fault right?

      “And some servers struggle with splitting checks and multiple payment POS systems.”

      Exception being if they are in training (which I’m sure you would have a ton of patience for) and even then they have the support of another server so WRONG again! Checks are split and multiple payments are taken everyday sweetie. Servers can handle the basics of their job. The more tricky angles are dealing with people like you, and that is an art most servers perfect very quickly.

      “Now that server has to write down the name from a credit card (which may be illegal)”

      Happens everyday and then you are googled and your facebook profile shared to server friends. Freedom of information (which is very legal).

      “This is a site designed by jaded millenials who want to strike revenge on shitty customers.”

      This is a joke but your to dumb to get it.

      “They don’t understand the customer is always right. Shitty as that is sometimes, it’s reality.”

      Every server understands the customer is right to a point. It also doesn’t bother us one bit to give away free things to a customer that actually deserves it. We take care of our guests. It pays better. But servers can also see a sneaky prick coming from a mile away. The moment you open your mouth it’s obvious and we treat you accordingly. Just because your a customer doesn’t mean you can treat servers badly, or get everything in the world free, (we know you can’t even afford to be at a restaurant since your making such a big fuss for free stuff) and our managers think just as highly of you as we do. Managers are NOT on your side, they agree that your a low life with zero worldly experience and a bad attitude. They just want you to get the hell out as fast as possible so we can go back to dealing with important people.

      “The only way to ensure better tips for a server is for that server to work in a restaurant with a high enough check average to weed out the cheap lower class people that don’t tip.”

      Thank you Captain Obvious for your thrilling tips that are common sense.
      But I think we have all had more than our fill of your stupidity. Please never ever ever ever go out to a restaurant again EVER, or you just never know what you will end up eating. GOOD LUCK! Don’t say I didn’t warn ya!

      Reply
  6. Alex

    Hey there Brian, I would just like to point out that the customer is most certainly NOT always right.

    Reply
  7. Oli

    Dude. Y’all are servers. You know how pissed off you get when some dumbass customer can’t be bothered to read the menu.

    So why the fuck are y’all bugging out like this is a real thing? Did you not read the full, COMEDIC, article? Smfh.

    Ps. Look up the stats; lower middle class and upper lower class income folks, on average, tip a higher percentage of their bill than upper class folks. Don’t be a classist douche. Or, if you are, base that shit on research, not your own prejudice.

    Reply
  8. Robert B Cristee

    this is the stupidest thing i’ve ever heard of in my life you are the one who wanted to be wait staff
    get over it IDIOTS

    Reply
  9. Emily

    The amount of people taking this seriously enough to write fucking novels are cracking me up.

    Almost as much as the two poorly written sentence fragments this Robert dude wrote.

    If you’re gonna comment on an article, you should probably read the whole thing. Literacy is important.

    Reply
  10. Kelly

    If you don’t read the article, at least look at the picture of James H. Madison, the customer being reviewed! FFS

    Reply
  11. Karen Hill

    Lmfao! I’m here working at Ihop n def had a TON of names 😑😉
    Thanks for making me laugh before I have to go back in from my break … 😑😑

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *