Sometimes I sit here at my computer struggling to find something to write about. Honestly, we all know this blog is basically a variation of about ten different topics that I just regurgitate in different forms. It’s not always easy to produce a blog post for the dozens of people who enjoy reading them, but today I opened up my messages and someone sent me the story of Mike.
Mike recently went to LongHorn Steakhouse and was upset that they didn’t have enough vegetarian options for him to choose from. At a steakhouse. It seems that his wife had a hankering for a hunk of beef. She hankered for a hunk of, a slab or slice or chunk of, a snack that is a winner and yet won’t spoil her dinner, she hankered for a hunk of beef. Mike, being the loving and caring vegetarian husband that he is, accompanied his carnivorous lady love and when he asked about vegetarian options, the server, unsurprisingly, told him “we have salads.” According to Mike’s post on the LongHorn Steakhouse Facebook page, that is NOT a suitable response.
Actually, Mike, it is. If the restaurant doesn’t have anything other than salads to offer vegetarians, it is the most appropriate response the server could give because I’m pretty sure this is what the server wanted to say:
Umm, you know you’re at a steakhouse, right? Our kitchen is full of dead animals from chickens to fish to cows. Seriously, it’s basically a slaughterhouse back there. Why the hell would you come to a steakhouse and get upset that we don’t cater to vegetarians? Would you go to an Italian restaurant and get pissed off that the menu is full of pasta or go to a Thai restaurant and want enchiladas? Get the hell out of here, Mike. Let me focus on some folks who want to tear into a piece of meat and rip it apart with their incisors and canines. How about a baked potato that you can shove up your poop chute, Mike? Buh bye.
But no, the server simply said “we have salads.” The server had restraint.
LongHorn Facebook page did reply to Mike and asked him if fish was an option for him as it is is for many vegetarians. Mike told them that eating fish is not vegetarian and that the response put the nail in the coffin for his relationship with LongHorn. “Bye,” he says. However, it was not the final nail in the coffin, because Mike came back an hour later to reply again and then seven hours later he returned to post once more:
“…my point which you have TOTALLY MISSED, was that steak LOVERS often marry- or are friends with or have lunch meetings with- vegetarians.”
Yes, Mike, there are some meat lovers out there who have inexplicably fallen in love with vegetarians. Not since Romeo and Juliet have we seen such star-crossed lovers. The trials you and your wife must face each day to live side by side, her with a giant turkey leg hanging out of her mouth and you with a Ziplock baggie of baby carrots in your murse. The next time your wife wants to satisfy her craving for meat, she shouldn’t have to go alone. Either you find a restaurant that can please you both or you accept that you have a limited diet and you deal with it. It’s not the responsibility of a restaurant to cater to the taste of every possible customer. It’s the customer’s responsibility to find a restaurant that suits them. If you want a lot of vegetarian options, you don’t go to a steakhouse. And if you do go to a steakhouse, you accept that you may be limited to salad. You and your wife can make this work, Mike, I know you can. If Romeo and Juliet can live happily ever after then so you can you and Mrs. Meat. Oh, wait, Romeo drank poison to kill himself when he thought Juliet was dead, but she wasn’t dead and when she woke up and saw him dead she ended up stabbing herself with a dagger. Hmmm, so that didn’t work out for them exactly. Anyhoo, if you go to LongHorn again, just get a salad. And if there are some bacon bits on it, it’s not like bacon is poison and it’s definitely not worth stabbing yourself over.
Bi Bi
Sounds like Mike is just too big of a pussy to direct his anger at his girlfriend for making him watch her eat a bigger peice of neat than he’s ever been able to offer her.
The Prozac Queen
I can only imagine the jokes the server and the rest of the staff were making about this guy in the kitchen.
G.B. Miller
That guy must be a blast and a half at parties…In all seriousness though, my 16 year old daughter is a vegetarian and while we try our very best to pick out restaurants that have vegetarian options, ultimately, the restaurants we go to usually don’t have any beyond Caesar Salad and vegetable side dishes. She’ll order the Caesar Salad and maybe a non-meat appetizer and never makes a fuss/stink about her eating options. In other words, she uses common sense and acts like an adult.
Matt
I work at longhorn. I have a manager that is a vegetarian, so is the district manager!
Jim
This is one of your best. You must include it in your second book. [Hoping!]
Alli
My boyfriend is a mostly-vegetarian (fish occasionally), and I am a proud carnivore. When I am craving a steak and the only restaurant that will satisfy is a steakhouse, he goes with me, and manages to create a meal for himself from various vegetable/vegetarian sides and offerings.
Because he is not an entitled man-baby that demands the world revolve around him. Mike should try it some time.
Dave Y
Article wins just for the quoting of Time for Timer
Erica
Just to be fair , I worked for Longhorn Steakhouse for years , and there are several vegetarian options . For appetizers , there are corn fritters, tonions , spinach dip , and grilled white cheddar mushrooms . There are also 4 salads that can be made to in entree sizes , including a strawberry pecan salad , blue ridge salad ( their version of a wedge , just ask for no bacon ) caeser, and the classic house salad. Right now they have a tomato bisque soup , there are 4 different kinds of potatoes ( sometimes more if there is a featured seasonal item with potatoes ), asparagus , broccoli , mixed veggies , rice pilaf , roasted carrots , and if they haven’t already made them all for the day , you can sometimes get their steakhouse Mac with no bacon . And of course you could have any dessert . ( they have ridiculous amounts of dessert options ) . Now , if someone had only those choices and had to eat there everyday , I can see it as being limited , but as an occasional visitor , if you can’t find something you like in that list , you probably knew before you got there that you couldn’t be pleased .
David
Ceaser salad actually has anchovies. So…gotta be careful with ingredients.
Doug
If only there were some way to inform the dumbass about how Long Horn STEAK HOUSE serves meat…
C Meyer
This attitude is why I used to not tell people I was vegetarian. They would always treat me like I was going but to play victim if I wasn’t catered to. And yes, I went to steakhouses with them. No, the selection wasn’t great for me, but I wasn’t surprised given the restaurant’s specialty.
Jennifer
Listen, I’m pescetarian but tbh it’s just simpler to tell people vegetarian cause people don’t know basic roots like “pesca” and I just don’t feel like giving a Latin lesson.
That being said, I go to steak houses with my meat eating husband and don’t starve. I went to a BBQ joint IN THE HEART OF TENNESSEE before I added fish back to my diet, cause I was on a group trip and everyone else understandably wanted BBQ. I was able to have a great meal off just sides. Dude just needs to chill out and understand that sometimes you just have to be ok with a salad. And you can’t exactly be picky as a vegetarian; sometimes you do have to get creative and use your thinking cap to come up with possible dish adaptations (like can I get that chicken fettuccine without chicken?).
Xarata
Most vegetarians choose the lifestyle out of empathy for the lives and treatment of animals. If you would compromise those convictions by walking into a slaughterhouse and perpetuating its craft by giving them money, you need to stfu and reevaluate your choices. You either a) don’t care about the animals or b) compromised your convictions to avoid an awkward conversation. Get off the complaint wagon about the house of meat not accommodating vegetarians.
Nance
I love this post and I am totally enjoying all of the comments!
Does it mean that I am old if I recognize the “Howdy kids! Time for Timer!” reference? That tune rattles around in this ancient noggin from time to time.
Presto! Stacks of snacks!
Also, I have to give a shout out to Mark Bouffard, who called out this piece of shit first on Facebook. Bravo, Mark. Bravo!
Carrie
He’s like all the idiots I get that ask for a WELL DONE JUICY, not burnt steak?! GOOD LUCK!
bep
I can only think of swear words, so I shall be proper & say nothing. 😛
A guy that knows this guy
I know this guy, he’s a piece of shit that complains about everything and plays the victim if he’s called on it.
Jeff
Saw this and I find myself reminded of a line from one of Bill Hick’s comedy routines:
“Bunch of whining f*****g maggots!”
Sorry Mike, you give vegetarians a bad name.
Kimberly
? I have plenty of vegetarian and vegan friends we sure as shit don’t choose steakhouses to eat at together ,it’s common sense
Kevin F
Had a very similar incident Monday night at the steakhouse I work at…customer (not my table) calls out to me from 5 tables away… “Hey you…can I get a side of marinara?”.
I saw chicken tenders at the table (don’t ask my why adults order chicken fingers) and told him the sauces I could get him (BBQ, wing, honey mustard, ranch, garlic butter, etc). Apparently they didn’t suffice because he then says “No buddy, I want red sauce.”
I respond “I know what marinara is but sorry sir, there’s nothing with red sauce on our menu.”
“What the hell kind of place is this that doesn’t have red sauce” he says with disdain.
“A steakhouse “…I walk away from the table to get his server.
David
Adults order chicken fingers because they are good. No other reason is needed. That guy was an asshat but just because I like a chicken finger doesn’t make me one.
Yvette
Bitchy I adore you! I work in an upscale steakhouse and we were able to accommodate and our chef did create a vegetarian risotto for our vegetarian guests but only because they were polite, willing to wait, and it wasn’t during a dinner rush. They were very grateful and tipped generously. However this POS is an asshole!?
Alex
I work at a place with burgers in the name. Like there’s no words in the name and “burgers” is one of them. Regularly I get people asking “soooooo you only have burgers . . .? ” which is annoying for 2 reasons: (1) The menu you’re deciding not to look at, right in front of you, clearly also has other shit on it, and (2) why the fuck would you come to a burger restaurant and be upset about the prominence of burgers on the menu!!!!
Of course it’s almost as bad when they say ” so do you guys make good burgers?” No ma’am they’re terrible.
Alex
2 words, not no words lol
Hot Carl
Hey Mike, I’m happy to hear your wife loves the meat. Feel free to pass her my number, I’ve got a trouser locker full of tube steak on clearance!
I know this turd
I know his wife, you really, really don’t want to offer that you. You’ll thank me.
Don
No self respecting Woman Meat Eater who orders a steak, would have a girly man like that for a husband. So his assumption that they sometimes marry is false. Last but not least, I find Vegetarians to be the bitchiest people on earth. Only thing close to that would be the Gluten-Free bunch. There are vegetarian restaurants around town, but this numbskull would rather go to a STEAK HOUSE and bitch. Probably his hobby.
Don
That guys Facebook page looks like a Utopian Unicorn Farm powered by Unicorn Farts and Glitter. He obviously lives on a different planet.
Mel
I’m a vegetarian and I have to agree with you, Bitchy: this guy and his wife should find a restaurant that caters to both their dietary requirements, because they shouldn’t expect a steakhouse to have vegetarian options. I certainly wouldn’t expect that from a steakhouse.
Joann
Sounds like he’s cranky from hunger…have a damn burger and shut the hell up!
Greg D.
Having been in the food service business for over 30 years, I’ve seen a few (HA!) customers like Mike… those who just want to complain for complaining’s sake. They feel it’s their duty to be the thorn in the side of the business or restaurant they visit because… (shrug!)… maybe they believe they’re Batman, or in Mike’s case, Vegman. (Save us, Vegman! Steakhouses have nothing for us! We’re DOOMED!) Loved the article! To all of the servers biting their tongues and smiling (while gritting their teeth!) when faced with Mr. Wrong Answer, you are the reason restaurants don’t have to hear about “another dead customer”. KUDOS! I applaude the iron resolve, and immeasurable patience you show when faced with these “immovable objects.”
Sabrina
Many long moons ago, before I ran away screaming from anything related to food service (seriously, those of you who can do it as a long-term job have my utmost eternal respect), I worked in the deli attached to my hometown’s Fancy-ish Steakhouse Restaurant. One day Vegan Lady walked in and wanted to know what we had for her to eat. I pointed out the bread and the fresh fruit…and that was really all we had for her. Vegan Lady didn’t think this was acceptable. Couldn’t we just whip up a recipe for her with no meat or dairy in it? Oh, and she didn’t want to even look at the main dining room menu, she wanted something from the deli because it had to be “quick.” Like, couldn’t we just get her that potato salad in the case there but remake it without mayonnaise or cheese? (Sure, let me get some potatoes boiling, then cooled, peeled and sliced, then let me concoct a delicious dressing recipe for it without using any animal products – that’ll be real “quick.”) I finally shrugged and advised her we really weren’t the best eatery for vegans and went and helped some other patron.
A minute later, I saw one of my co-workers helping Vegan Lady. And another minute later, I saw Vegan Lady gobbling down a bowl of French Onion soup. French onion soup, which was made each morning with one large glop of beef stock and one large glop of chicken stock. I went back and forth on whether to tell Vegan Lady what she was eating, but ultimately decided not to. I wonder if all that salty cow and chicken juice made her ill. Kinda hope so.
Just A Poor Server
Mike, while it may be true meat eaters may marry, have meetings with, or go out together with vegetarians, I will also assume said people are adult enough to let their respective people know that they are, in fact, vegetarians and that when picking out a place to eat, perhaps ask for a place that caters to both their dietary needs? There are TONS of restaurants that offer both options for people, but if you are going to Texas Roadhouse, a steakhouse, you can probably assume that their menu is catering towards the carnivore side. They do have some options for vegetarians, but not a whole menu’s worth, but that’s because their clientele are mainly meat eaters! I don’t go into a vegan place and demand a steak dinner! Don’t get mad at the restaurant for doing what they set out to do. Don’t get mad at the server for trying to help you out. Instead, next time, ask to go to a restaurant that can fit your diet. I hear TGI Fridays has some delicious salads 🙂
Cory
I would be truly surprised, if they had no pasta options … tomato sauce, alfredo, … throw in some veggies for a primavera …
LongHorn Server
Well, be surprised, Cory. LongHorn does not have pasta, tomato sauce, or alfredo sauce. A couple years ago they had a pasta with a cheese sauce that was discontinued due to poor sales. The entitled diner with outlandish demands is truly becoming epidemic. I have had customers demand we go to the grocery store to pick up mint jelly, for tomatoes that are “not too ripe”, for their lemon wedges to be cut into a fancier shape, for different size ice cubes, to inspect their cut of salmon before it is cooked, to cut up their meat for them in 1/4 inch bites, to remove the tails from my shrimp but provide me with tails on a separate plate so I can inspect them and be certain you extracted all of the shrimp, and the list goes on. These special accommodations are often requested in a hostile tone, sometimes with profanity. The astounding thing is how often LongHorn will try to accommodate these requests. These type of requests belong in your personal kitchen made to your personal chef, not at a mid-range chain restaurant.
cienna
I too, worked at longhorn for a few years. And had a few obscene requests as well. I’m still a part of the Darden family. I transferred to Olive garden when I moved to WV, as there is no Longhorn Steakhouse close to me. Well now I work with Gluten….i have so many people come in here…I have a glucose allergy they say. Give me a hard time. We do offer a gluten free menu to cater to them. And every other word out of their mouth…gluten. Gluten allergy. Gluten makes me sick. “Well I see you’re enjoying the breadsticks!” Smh some people are just out to give us a hard time. Sorry, server rant lol
yeesh
“I’m allergic to tomatoes and dairy and cilantro.”
*dips mozzarella sticks in ranch dressing and drinks salsa*
Jen
As a server at Longhorn, and a vegetarian, I find it silly this guy is being such an idiot. Spot on response.
Krista
I’m just mostly surprised that he’s married!
BW Wannabe
I channeled my inner bitchy waiter and wondered if he’s vegetarian if his wife is happy with their sex life as I assume vegetarians don’t go in for oral sex . . .
cienna
Yesssss! ?
kiki keys
We definitely do 😉
Emily
I know the acronym “lol” is thrown around loosely these days, but the “Ziplock baggie of baby carrots in your murse” line literally made me laugh out loud.
Keep doing you, boo boo. :*
Chris
This post also has applications to ANYONE that goes out a restaurant for a meal. Do not sit down at a table in a restaurant and ask them to custom make a meal for you if none of the items are EVEN ON THE MENU!! I really do hate it when servers come into the kitchen and ask if I can make this or that when that is not even on the menu. And none of the items to make that are even in house. And don’t get all pissy when the server comes back and tells you that no, the cook cannot make you a vegan mac and cheese. Please. If you ha r dietary restrictions, either find a restaurant that caters to your needs, or stay home and make it yourself.
I know, off topic. Sorry. I got worked up.
Dana
preach
Annie
I just looked in the Grand Rapids area, from which our lettuce lover hails, and there are a shit ton of restaurants that do not have the word STEAK in them. If wifey needs her fill of meat (now that’s a psychological goldmine right there), they should go to a place that can accomodate both. Lecturing a STEAKhouse for not having more vegetarian options is insane. As Bitchy said, bring a baggie of carrots and chick peas and shut up or stay in the car.
Jenna
I live in Grand Rapids. There are quite a few AMAZING restaurants here which offer a plethora of options for a sit down meal which would make a meat lover and a vegetarian quite happy to have a meal together! Why go to a chain with all of the great local options we have here?
The Chef Hates You
Hah! I worked at that particular Longhorn when it first opened back in the mid ’00s. I no longer live in the Grand Rapids area, but visit from time to time, and there are a TON of restaurants with veggie options (The Old Goat being a good example). Even the breweries, which GR is best known for, have veggie options these days…
Cassi D
Is salad not a reasonable suggestion for a vegetarian option?
kiki keys
Salad and side items are perfectly reasonable choices. Just be careful in the south. Greens, peas and beans usually have meat in them. I’ve often had baked potato and salad or different veggies and fries or potatoes. I’ve been vegetarian. My whole life because of allergies. It would never cross my mind to complain
Em
That guy just refuses to be happy. Can’t even bother wasting time on trying to talk to him simply bc his response nails his own coffin haha. Also, some vegetarians do eat fish so it’s not like they were just reaching there. Pescetarianism anyone…?
Meg
Weird i dont think thats vegetarianism it sounds more like pescitarianism which is not the same thing as vegetarian since they eat fish. Not saying the guy is right just saying actual vegetarians dont eat fish so no dont ask a vegetarian if they eat fish.
Jennifer T
Actually, quite a few pescatarians refer to themselves as vegetarians, “but I eat fish.” So it’s not out of the question for the restaurant to ask that. Being a restaurant they probably can’t count the times they had someone not even know how to properly define/describe their own dietary needs. If you want to be mad at someone over it, be mad at the pescatarians posing as vegetarians because they are the real enemy.
Cory
And before “vegan”, it was “ovo-lacto vegetarian”.
He could also merely limit himself to eggs as a complete protein source but exclude milk so an omelette might be okay, or Eggs Florentine (but not Eggs Mornay).
Hercule
I think some partly Kosher/Halal people may also say they are “vegetarian” to avoid bacon/unkosher-Halal meat but would eat some (or for Halal all I think) types of fish. So the question may get at a population beyond vegetarians.
This is why my wife doesn’t like chinese restaurants, because their “vegetarian” dishes are questionable, but trusts Indian places. Our host’s mexican restaurant would be a plain rice fest for her.
Freddie
I’m going to the local vegetarian restaurant for lunch and I’m going to demand a cheeseburger.
Annie
Let’s start the AVLM. All Vegetarian Lives Matter
Cory
I’m vegetarian … I only eat vegetarians.
Cattle, and pig, and lamb, and chicken! What did you think I meant?
John
Pigs and chickens are omnivorous FYI they will eat anything
Fran
Yup. The big conundrum of a can of worms that Mike has opened up is why don’t vegetarian places cater to carnivores and omnivores. I mean, vegetarians do marry/have friends/have business meetings with omnivores too, don’t they?
Dana
That is the funniest shit ever
Mik
Vegetarians have meat eating friends too! Should vegetarian restaurants carry some meat just in case?
Lizzie
Damn..good point.
Beth
My goal in life is to be as bitchy as you. 🙂
Amy
It’s not difficult to be that bitchy, the hard part is the restraint! Waiter hell.