This Woman Thinks We are “Creatures”

Everyone has a right to leave a review on Yelp. Our founding father’s indirectly mentioned Yelp when they drafted the constitution in 1787:

We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect union, establish Justice, whine our little asses off on the Internet, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.

Therefore, Ali P. was just doing what our forefathers wanted her to do when she created an account, dreamed up a password and logged into Yelp for the first time. James Madison would be proud. While I applaud Ali for doing her civic duty, I take umbrage at what she had to say when she was reviewing a place called The Rabbit Hole in Colorado Springs, Colorado and left it 2-stars:

The food is better than McDonald’s. Our waitress was awesome. Some hostess or bussing creature walked by our table and abruptly announced “THIS IS NOT A PLAYGROUND” to my 5 year old who had tripped off of a stair right by our table. I admit he was getting antsy because we were there for awhile waiting for a remake of some dishes. I implore all young serving creatures, do not reprimand a woman’s child by mocking them condescendingly. Overall, the food is not that impressive to spend $170 on dinner and then be mocked by a teenager.

Okay, fine. So she thought the food was overpriced, but it was better than McDonald’s. I suppose she is trying to give the place a compliment but that is the most backassward compliment I have ever seen. It’s like slapping someone with but doing it from behind and reaching under your own legs to slap someone else in the taint. She also thinks her waitress was awesome which should at least bump it up to three stars, but nope. She is upset that a hostess or bussing “creature” told her admittedly “antsy” child THIS IS NOT A PLAYGROUND. Ummm, bussing creature? She later implores all “serving creatures” to not reprimand a woman’s child.

Creature? Creature??

First off, Ali, show a little respect. If we are going to be tossing about the word “creature” why don’t we use it for your 5-year old little boy who tripped off a stair right by your table? If your creature was sitting down with his Mama Creature, he wouldn’t have tripped, right? And then the employee wouldn’t have had to do your job for you which is to remind children that restaurants are not a place to play.

Restaurant staff are not creatures. We are human beings with feelings, emotions, brains and pretty much the exact same body composition as you, Ali, except where we have hearts, you have a calcified piece of organ meat that needs to be re-fucking-hydrated. How do you think that hostess felt when she undoubtedly read your review and saw that you referred to her as a creature? I bet she didn’t feel good. There’s no need to insult the staff of a restaurant because your little snot-nosed creature was misbehaving. By the way, how does it feel to see someone on the Internet calling your child called a creature? I bet you don’t like it any more than the staff at The Rabbit Hole did.

Again, you have every right to leave a review, good or bad, for any establishment your creature ass rolls into. But if you’re going to insult someone in that review, then it’s open season to insult you back. If anyone is a creature here, it;’s you, Ali P. Okay and maybe your son as well. Just a couple of creatures trolling the Internet looking to hurt the feelings of someone who was trying to keep your kid from getting hurt in a restaurant because you couldn’t be bothered to do it yourself. You’re a creature, Ali. And so is your son. Also, Ali, you should buy my book. Click here!


Read Ali P.‘s review of The Rabbit Hole on Yelp

16 thoughts on “This Woman Thinks We are “Creatures”

  1. Rocky Mtn Hi

    I’ve been to this place. It is not an appropriate restaurant for children. Fancy drinks and unusual food. It’s a neat place to go.

  2. Habitua Linestepper

    Well she can take her “creature” to the car or the park or some fucking where else than somewhere you spend $170 on food at. Your baby was wrong. The teen was right. No I’m not reading this thing. (Edit: I’ve since read it and I was right.) The teen got a decent set of parents to teach them how to be. In public. They saw that NOT happening and they were like, “oh, shit, you suck as parents. Maybe take your antsy kid to the car for a few. It won’t kill you.” Anyway, I’m done. Hate to see the Yelp from these “creatures” on rotating restaurants and how they should watch your kid get into a staff-only/restricted area. (Too soon. Definitely. Yes I’m a mom. No perfect parent here. Just a server too.) TRAIN YOUR KIDS OR LEAVE THEM AT FUCKING HOME!

  3. Debbie Carney

    I think that as of today, every parent who has seen the tragic news of the little boy who was killed in the rotating restaurant (I’m not recalling the city.. responded to quick ;)) SHOULD TELL THERE KIDS TO SIT THE FUCK DOWN! I have a seven year old creature and he knows when we go to a restaurant he needs to SIT THE FUCK DOWN! I hate to be the one to voice it but I am pretty sure everyone who has spent a good amount of time in the biznezz thought to themselves after hearing that story, WHY THE FUCK WAS THAT KID NOT SITTING DOWN! I think it should become a precautionary story to all the wee creatures that are brought into restaurants. SIT THE FUCK DOWN!

    1. Clarissa

      I’m glad someone did. I looked at her other Yelp reviews. A lot of her reviews are two stars. I feel sorry for the husband and kid who have to deal with someone who is so hostile and negative. To call any person a creature is disgusting. I can’t believe how vile people act over the lack of good behavior they’re children have. As if it’s on everyone else to accept.

  4. Jen

    Take care of your kid so someone else doesn’t have to. Parents like you are the reason servers hate tables with kids. It’s not your kid’s fault, it’s your fault, Ali, for being a shitty mom. Good thing your kid wasn’t seriously hurt after you allowed him to play on stairs!

  5. Grace

    Debbie Carney is my spirit animal. Preach, sister and tell all the children of the world to SIT THE FUCK DOWN!

  6. Julie P

    Kid was getting antsy bcause they were remaking some of the dishes… on top of all this, this bitch sends her fucking food back. That already gives her a CUNT CrOWN

  7. Clarissa

    She updated her review with further insults to her server after seeing this blog. She’s really quite monstrous. It’s always sad to see so many children being raised by self righteous, rude, cunty women like this. I feel most for the child who we can only hope will turn out to be a decent person despite the “creature” raising him.

  8. Mallory

    Okay, there’s also another part to this that I’m actually surprised no one else has caught:
    Remake of some dishes?
    She was probably some snotty bitch who complained about something microscopic about her food and nastily told them to take it back. Several times apparently, hence the plural “some” dishes.

  9. Diego

    I worked in the industry as a server, thanks to that job I raised 4 children who are now adults. Put them thru college and they’re now married with children. I never took them to restaurants until they were 10 years old and knew how to behave. Restaurants are not supposed to be child care centers. We the servers are not creatures. And the last thing you want to do is insulting the mere person handling the food you’re going to put in your mouth. If you don’t have someone who can take care of your kids. Stay at home and cook something for them. KIDS DO NOT BELONG IN A RESTAURANT.

  10. Merry

    I freaking love your site (and book!!!) I just had to stalk this “special snowflake’s yelp and give her an earful on her other “reviews. I cannot stand the twat waffles like her that feel the need to be cunty with their yelp reviews. I’ve read through all her “reviews” and she’s said some “poor cashier girls were not blessed with brains in this life” among multiple other insults throughout her “reviews”. And she “updated” her review with a nice little rant about how you “made her famous”. And my advice to her: children should not treat a restaurant as their personal playground. Learn to parent. If they’re being antsy, take them outside. DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT let them climb on furniture, get in people’s way, etc. Just because you’re too irresponsible to parent doesn’t mean that other people have to do it for you and then if they do, you have the right to be a bitch to them about it. I’ll say it again, LEARN TO PARENT. If your little human decides to be an asshole in public, I have no problem reprimanding the little shit because you obviously don’t know how to parent.

    1. Wendy

      Your words and sentences don’t even make sense!
      No one really cares what you told anybody because they can’t understand trailer park language!

  11. KW

    In her updated review, she referred to herself as a horrific mother. I’ll give her points for being honest about that at least.


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