The world has found the baddest, toughest, bravest waitress we will ever see and her name is Samia Lila. Earlier this week, while waiting tables at Mimosa Wines in Australia, a giant goanna decided to pop in for a glass of White Zinfandel on the rocks. Now, I have never even heard of a goanna until today, but it looks like a giant lizard-iguana-gila monster-alligator-t-rex-Godzilla hybrid. After the reptile made its appearance, Samia was all, “Nope, bitch, not on my watch.” She grabbed that goanna by the tail and dragged its ass right out of the restaurant.
According to my exhaustive research, also known as a Wikipedia search, a goanna is a carnivorous and predatory animal with sharp teeth and claws that will prey on any animal that is small enough to eat whole. That goanna could have eyed a small child and had it as an appetizer before it found its main course of a not so small child. Samila knew that if a giant damn lizard ate one of the kids in her section it would definitely affect her tip, so she took care of it.
Damn, girl. I once saw a roach crawling on the wall at Houlihan’s and I went to get the dishwasher to kill it. And when ever I would see a rat at Pizzeria Uno, I would just go into the restroom to hide for ten minutes or so. If I saw a freaking goanna I’d be like the lady in the video who hopped right onto her chair and froze in terror. On second thought, if I saw a freaking goanna in my restaurant, I’d punch out and go the fuck home.
So you go, Samia! You win the Internet for today.