A man named James S. recently made a shocking claim on a Yelp review for a Buffalo Wild Wings in San Diego. Actually, the review is full of surprising tidbits, none of which I can substantiate since I was not there on the night of this incident. As horrible as it is, I cannot say whether or not he and his wife were jumped by seven white supremacists. I do not know if his wife tried to help him and she was told my management that she was not allowed to help him until after the police arrived. I also cannot be sure that no matter which BWW’s one goes to, your life is in danger. Based on what our country is like right this moment, it would not surprise me that seven asshole white supremacists thought it was alright to jump a man and his family while they were trying to enjoy some Mango Habanero™ wings while watching a game. It is entirely possible and maybe even likely that something that horrible would happen, I do not know. What I do know is this: James spends 20K a year at Buffalo Fucking Wild Wings.
James. James, James…what the hell? That’s a lot of wing sauce and mini corn dogs, my man. If you go to BWW’s every week, that means you are spending $384.62 every week to fill your gut with chicken wings. I am worried for you. That cannot be good for your wallet, your social life or your colon. That is more that $1500 a month which you could be spending on other things like rent, car payments or Boneless Wings at Applebee’s. (Seriously, if you’re gonna spend that much money on chicken wings, share the fucking wealth.) I suppose if you really go four times a week with your family of four and and you each spend $24, that would be about $20K a year. But why the hell are you eating there that many times? Do you not know how to cook? Is your microwave broken? Are your children constantly coated with lemon pepper seasoning and wing sauce? For the love of God, step away from the Buffalo Wild Wings.
Regarding the attack, I’m sorry. The management failed you, the restaurant failed you and society failed you. For your safety, don’t go back there. Shout from the rooftops how you were treated. Ask your friends to not patronize that establishment. Get an attorney and demand your rights be protected. If there is one good thing that can come out of that awful night, it’s that you will be saving $20K a year. Please do something wise with the money like put it in a ROTH IRA or a college fund for your kids. Just promise me you won’t go to Chili’s and blow it all on Southwestern Egg rolls. At least spend some of that money on my book.