NEWS ALERT: Chicken Has Bones In It

Screen Shot 2016-08-17 at 11.04.33 AMPoor Jacquei had her birthday ruined and it also was the worst day of her vacation. Of course, it’s the fault of the restaurant. Any number of things could have happened that would make for such an awful experience and cause her to leave a 1-star review. Maybe her food came out completely wrong and rather than apologizing, her server slapped her up against the side of her head. Sure, that would make me want to leave a 1-star review. Or perhaps Jacquei was disappointed with the way the food was prepared because the menu said the pork chop was nut-free but it was actually covered in peanuts and when she ate it her lips swelled up to the size of two bloated caterpillars. That too would make me want to leave a 1-star review. However, the real reason Jacquei left a 1-star review is for a totally asinine reason: her half-chicken had bones in it.

Ummm, Jacquei, chicken usually has bones in it. It’s meat and meat has a skeleton. Unless you are ordering a boneless chicken breast, chicken tenders, Chicken McNuggets, chicken popcorn bites, chicken rings, boneless wings or cream of fucking chicken noodle soup, you might what to prepare yourself for BONES.

Jacquei, who claims to never complain about anything, complained about the bones and her server apologized and said he would talk to his manager about the situation- you know, the fact that the half-chicken had bones in it. In the end, Jacquei was not accommodated and the hostess is the one who presented her with the bill. Of course, I wasn’t there, but this is how I imagine the conversation went between the server and the manager:

Brandon: Table 12 didn’t like her half-chicken.
Manager: Okay, what was wrong with it? Overcooked, undercooked, too dry, what?
Brandon It had bones in it.
Manger: I’m sorry, what? She’s upset that her half-chicken had bones in it?
Brandon Yes, sir. Bones.
Manager:Ricky-Gervais-Facepalm-Laugh-Reaction-Gif
Brandon: tumblr_lfnhsyEcKf1qctj37.gif~c200
Manager: Tell her to get the fuck outta here. Don’t even waste your time with her. Let the hostess deal with her.

Sorry, Jacquei, your complaint is not valid. Please try again. If you really don’t want bones in your chicken, might I suggest Sweet Sue’s Chicken in a Can? It might still have bones in it, but it’s pretty much all gelatin so you won’t even notice. Enjoy!jZtDCn

Read Jacquei B.‘s review of Solvang Brewing Company on Yelp

12 thoughts on “NEWS ALERT: Chicken Has Bones In It

  1. Veronica wicker

    Poor lady! Bones in chicken!!! How dare the restaurant!!? Lol come on lady, was you having a bad day before you even went into the restaurant, probly!! You should definitely take it out on your server!! And no discount after you more than likely ate some or most of it anyway, how rude!! Everyone lookin for discounts or free these days it’s despicable!! Wow!

    Reply
  2. GeenaG

    Judas Priest you stupid cow, you win the moron of the day prize. If you don’t want to eat flesh that contains bones then I suggest you cultivate a taste for jellyfish, because most all other animals you eat are going to have bones. It’s a little thing called having a skeletal system, which is something mammals possess. Don’t like bones = don’t eat animals, it’s really not difficult to puzzle out.

    Reply
  3. Dorene

    People kill me Bones in her chicken… probably didn’t tip and writing this in the drive thru line getting boneless perfectly formed gelatin added preservative coated chicken parts bitch bye

    Reply
  4. Terri

    My friend’s sister won’t eat meat off a bone. I offered her a chicken wing once and she looked at me like I asked her to stab herself in the face.

    Her: Meat off a bone? Are you kidding me? Ugh, no, makes me want to puke.

    Me: (silence, for a few moments) You do know this is where meat comes from, right? Like, it comes from animals, animals have bones…

    Her: No verbal response, just shuddering stinkeye.

    Whatever. More wings for me. Hooray!

    Reply

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