An elderly woman in Amboy, Indiana is in stable condition after reportedly eating her own hand while at a restaurant. Reports say that Ruby Thomas, 84, was at a local diner when the incident occurred. After sitting at the table for approximately 4-5 minutes without receiving the customary complimentary bread basket, Thomas took matters into her own hands. Literally.
“The waiter never brought me a bread basket and I was starving,” said the woman. “What choice did I have? My blood sugar was dropping and with this heat dome happening, I didn’t want to take any chances that I might pass out.”
Her waiter, 23-year-old Curt Spencer, was reportedly out of the dining room at the time of the self-cannibalization. “I was just in the bathroom for a little bit. I didn’t even know she had been seated. I come out and I see this old lady eating her own hand and I’m all, damn, that bitch is hungry!”
Paramedics were called to the scene as well as a bus boy. As she was being wheeled out on a gurney, she was heard griping about the slow service and threatening to never come back again. Cashier, Emily Bloom says this is not the first time she has made this claim. “Every week she comes in her and complains about something and every week she tells us she’s never coming back. Maybe this time she means it. I mean, I dunno how she’s even gonna feed herself now.”
Thomas is expected to recover although she now only has two fingers and half a thumb. No word on how much the busser was tipped to clean up the extra mess.
happiness
She looks like the woman who does the resturant reviews in our newspaper…
christopher e cagle
love it ( something I would have said ) damn that bitch is hungry
Jancko
It’s totally real. thebitchywaiter.com is a reputable news source.
CincyDrunk
This… this can’t be real.
shal
Is this for real?
Sharon
Yes, it is real! Of course it is!
You won’t be able to find it anywhere else, though… because the restaurant industry and the old lady’s family are trying to keep it quiet. They paid NBC, CBS, ABC, CNN, and FOX news millions to keep it off the air. But, they didn’t send Bitchy his money so… the cat is out of the bag.
Be sure and pass this news to all your friends. They will never know this old lady’s horrible trauma if you don’t!!!!!!
Deb
Thank you for the info on this hand-munching cover-up. As an old bag myself, I’ll always travel with bread from other restaurants that I have dumped in my oversize handbag since that’s what spooky old bats like me do.
Alan
I thought that by clicking “read the whole story here” I was either going to be taken to “The Onion” website or be “Rick-rolled.”
Jessie
Me too!! Haha
KT
Lady Fingers are a brunch favorite
Bekah with the Good Hair
I live close to Amboy! Wtf we have some crazy ass people in Indiana
Julia
Bekah, this is most definitely just a satirical article. Not real at all.
Danielle
Lol. I need to try this some time. Fake fingers of course.