My Super-Secret Server Identity


Today’s guest post comes from Joey Rockenstein who wants to finally admit that he is a human being who makes mistakes. And by the way, all servers are human beings who are capable of making mistakes. Check out his blog, The Bitter Bistro and follow him on Twitter @thebitterbistro.  -BW

I can finally admit to the serving world, that I, your server, am human.

I know it’s hard to believe. Considering how many birthdays, anniversaries, and whatever other dog celebrations I have managed to work without having anything go wrong.  Or, at least, not with the customer knowing that anything went wrong.  My identity as “Super Server” has managed to stay concealed under the guise of my apron, just like Superman wearing his glasses has fooled mankind for all of these years.

However, the other day, my identity as a human was finally revealed.

A couple was sitting out on the patio during my opening shift and immediately waved for my attention after they had been sat.  I flew over to them, because whenever customers wave AT me, it a sure sign that they must be VERY important people, and that they should receive all of my attention.  And when I say all of my attention, I mean enough to fill my brain with the details of their craziness so I can talk about them later to my co-workers in the side-station.  The other part of my brain is thinking about how much of my soul I actually have left after 18 years of working in the service industry.  I feel I have been sucked dry by this point, but apparently I had a little soul left because I was able learn their names, Heidi and Jim Jones, and I found myself at the bar making them some Bloody Marys.  But not too spicy for Heidi, because she can’t handle spice.  But Jim can.  That’s why they’ve been married for 15 years.

I returned with the Bloody Marys and took their order.  They both got burgers.  Jim ordered his without cheese and fries, but substituted a salad.  Heidi order her burger with cheese, but without tomatoes and onions.  I smiled, asked how the drinks were, and flew away to put in their order.

Before the burgers arrived, I brought another round of drinks, and then I delivered the burgers.  Heidi must do impressions for a living, because she was pecking and picking at her burger as if she was a bird.  Jim ate somewhat normally.  Okay, he looked like a Sea Lion, but that appeared to be more normal than Heidi.  I checked on them and asked how everything was going.

“Everything is great!” Jim answered.  Heidi said nothing.  I assumed that Jim was answering for the both of them.

I returned again when Jim was almost finished with his burger.  I refilled their waters, and asked if they wanted any more Bloodys.  They said “no.”  Heidi still had barely moved her burger on the plate.  I asked her if she would like me to wrap it up to go.  She shook her head.  Keep in mind, that I work in Los Angeles.  For all I know, Heidi had eaten her fill, and couldn’t possibly eat another bite.  Pain is beauty.  Jim asked for the check.

I brought the check, and they signed it to their hotel room.  When I picked up the check, I discovered that Heidi had left me a little note on it.  Why is it when people write their servers notes on the checks, that it looks like they are holding someone for ransom?  (See attached pic.)  Well, I had been the one holding something for ransom.  I had  forgotten to withhold the tomatoes and onions, and Heidi was so upset, that she could only express herself in written form.  Yes, America, I am a server.  And we sometimes make mistakes.  Sorry, I shouldn’t reveal the identity of all servers, so I’ll just say that I made a mistake, and rang in their order incorrectly.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to fly over to another table and clean up the mess that a 5 year left, and I just got triple sat.  I’ll just tie my apron a bit tighter for this shift.

11 thoughts on “My Super-Secret Server Identity

  1. Anonymous

    This is why I don’t wait tables anymore…. Customers will unleash a tidal wave of bullshit complaints. But if they have a legitimate complaint, they don’t fucking tell you and then you can’t fucking fix it. And then they blame you for not magically intuiting their every wish like a goddamn genie.

  2. Michele

    When I waited on tables years ago, I would be on the way home and remember I forgot to give somebody ketchup or a refill. Usually these people would tip okay. I don’t understand the girl in this story. Send it back. She just like wallowing in misery. I bet her boyfriend heard about those tomatoes and onions all night.

  3. Kathy

    OH THE POOR DEAR MARTYR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why must you torture her so!! Did she get it for free or just leave the lovely note as a tip?
    What a dumb ass! I still can’t believe the number of people who would rather wallow in dissatisfaction. THIS IS WHY WE CHECK ON YOU 57 times!!! TELL YOUR SERVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  4. Kaitlyn

    Sadly, I’ve gotten fired because of people like this. Something was wrong with their food, and they didn’t say anything the 4 times I checked on them after they got their food. But oh boy, after they left they called my manager and bitched to kingdom come. The lady actually said she was also a server before bitching, so naturally, she knows how to be the most perfect server.

  5. Mellie

    Why in the world would she not have told you? That’s so ridiculous. Why didn’t she just take the onions and tomatoes off the sandwich…really, how hard would have been?

  6. Amy

    That’s ok because even if you ask 2 times if everything is ok and they say fine, silly me I actually think everything is fine. But….I am wrong and after they “just went ahead and ate everything” complain about how bad everything was…mine you not my fault the kitchens but guess who doesn’t get a tip? This girl! Sometimes people just suck.

  7. sara bosely

    hey, you probably ruined this woman’s life. a little contrition would be much appreciated. 🙂 also, i make it a point to NEVER read those little passive-aggressive notes that children-masquerading-as-adults have left me on occasion. as soon as i notice the writing, i’m all “nope, that paper is getting crumpled and going right on into the sweet old trash.”


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