If you are going out to eat and you have an intense need to see a restaurant worker do an Olympic caliber eye roll, there are a few things you can say or do that will ensure that very thing. And here they are:
- Walk into the restaurant from outside and then ask the person at the host stand what the weather is like on the patio outside.
- Look at your server who is sweating like pig and running around like a mad person trying to take care of a ten table section and then tell them you are cold and would like the A/C turned down.
- Make a huge deal about your gluten allergy, specifying how the kitchen will need to use freshly washed pans and recreate everything on the menu so that you can stay away from all wheat and then order yourself a beer.
- Mention that it’s your birthday and then pull out your ID to prove it, as if that’s going to make the server do a happy birthday jig and comp your entire meal.
- Come in with a friend and demand two separate checks and hen order the exact same thing and then both of you pay with cash.
- Tell your server you know the owner.
- Order something that has never been on the menu but you are sure the restaurant used to have it and then tell the server “they made it for me the last time I was here.”
- Order a frozen drink and then complain that you can’t taste the liquor.
- Tell your server you are in a huge hurry as soon as you sit down and then when they give you your check, ignore it for thirty minutes.
Bea
i work in a steak house and this conversation is a difficult on to not roll my eyes at.
“I’d like a fillet well done”
“i’d like it well done because i dont want any blood ” ” well it’s not blood its juice from the fat thats picked up the pigment of the steak ” “oh well i still dont want blood so cook it very well done”
and then 40 minutes later its… “this steak is dry and tough”
Be Kind
Be kind, Barb is likely struggling with a deep issue like Dissociative Identity Disorder. As an example, someone with dissociative identity disorder may find themselves doing things they wouldn’t normally do, such as trolling a blog for months, yet they feel they are being compelled to do it.
Miranda
What’s funny is when Barb can’t reconcile her troll comments with each other and contradicts herself from post to post. Now that’s entertainment, folks.
Alan
Oh, is that where you work, Barb? In a nursing home? I had no idea!
Barb Chandler
I’m retired. But it is a shame that someone wiping ass makes $8 an hour, no tips, and a waiter wants $60 an hour for walking plates back an forth, plus makes the illegals clean the tables. It’s time for a flat wage, no tipping across the board in this country. Also, I don’t know much about ass wiping since I don’t do it. I just let my dog lick it clean for me and I hope for the best.
reader
Seems to me Barb is just the cowardly type who will say anything and everything online but is a total wimp in person. Either that or she’s a total b**** who pitches a hissy fit every time she doesn’t get her way. Entitled? Hell yes!
Steve
No…I’m guessing she’s that entitled old biddy who always has to grope in her duffle bag of a purse for EXACT change or balance her checkbook in the express lane at the grocery store…after she ignored the “10 items or less, please” sign and waddled through with a cart full to the brim with Ding Dongs, Cheetos and DIET Pepsi (because she’s watching her weight, ya know). The kind who wears enough costume jewelry to overload a container ship but still complains about how much things cost, how she doesn’t have anything decent to wear, and so on. Likely inherited or married her money, too.
Aria
I come here to read Barb bitch, its great hahaha.
Barb Chandler
That’s because I call’em like I see’em and they don’t like it because they get $60 an hour to work like an unskilled Mexican and they know if people start to realize this, their free, untaxed tips will start to fall into more reasonable pay that other unskilled jobs pay…like wiping ass in the nursing home.
medicated and motivated
oh! and the pokey chandelier needs to realize that our tips are taxed, and, (at times), have cost me my dignity, self respect, and pride. i live in a city where i pay to work and work to pay rent. hows alcatraz? i dont know, i cant afford to go. why dont you tell me how it is when you get back, you non-tipping arrogant asshole?! how come you suddenly speak perfect english when you ask me what the “mandatory ordinance fee” is on the bottom of the check, yet i had to try to draw and subsequently act out what “clam chowder in a bread bowl” is?
Barb Chandler
We all know you pocket more than half of the cash tips and don’t declare them. Stop acting.
Anonymous
Fuck you. Seriously. Fuck you.
Nadine Shelley
What makes you think our tips are “free and untaxed”?????? Clearly you have never been in the service industry. Our tips are taxed. We do our best to see that you have an enjoyable meal all while taking you demands, not requests. I’ve been doing this job for a long time and I’ve seen people like you so many times. Do you really think that 10% tip you leave is going to put us in a new tax bracket?
You need to have some respect for “unskilled Mexican(s)”, by the way very racist. If not for them you wouldn’t be eating all those fresh fruits and veggies.
CincyDrunk
All of these are brilliant, even more so with the gifs. xD YOU WALKED IN FROM OUTSIDE WHILE MY HOSTESS IS INSIDE AT HER STAND, /YOU/ TELL /ME/ HOW IT FEELS OUTSIDE.
Also, people on this blog need to stop feeding the trolls. *coughBarbcough*
Barb Chandler
I’m fine right here. Someone has to provide a fair and balanced viewpoint to swing sympathy against the entitlement mentality that is so prevalent. You picked the stupidest point on the list as an example because I had already debunked it. The gifs are nauseating, cliché and redundant. You are simply an unhappy, contrary malcontent that would automatically take an opposite stance if I said the sky was blue. CincyDrunk is the most nauseating person here and has bad taste and sicko ideas about life. I cringe to see that you have opened your attention-seeking whore mouth every time I open the comments on here.
By the way, my asshole is leaking semen right now because I just let three homeless men cum inside me. My husband gave them each a $5 Starbucks card for the privilege and now he doesn’t have to fuck me for a while. He’s thrilled about it. It’s a win-win. Well, except for my panties which are now covered in cum, santorum, poop and the Doritos. (Long story.)
CincyDrunk
I I hope you get killed before you can dine out again, you filthy bitch. Until then, get lost!
CincyDrunk
Whoever stole my handle is an idiot. THIS IS THE REAL CINCYDRUNK, and I don’t entertain trolls.
Bourbon Kisses,
CincyDrunk
The Bitchy Waiter
You are disgusting. Why are you writing such things?
positivespin
I began reading this blog and suddenly realized that most people out there are just normal.people trying.to make .a.living and point.out funny things..Barb on.the other hand is a sick.person who should.be band for society altogether not just public posts..move on nastu lady…yuck!!
Pete
Annoying. “Good morning, would you like something to drink besides water?” No I’ll just have coffee………..Argh Oh and I have MANY more.
Anonymous
“Hello, how are you today?”
“Diet Coke.”
Kat
I had a guy ask me yesterday, “How big is the 5 ounce burger?” Five ounces.
Barb Chandler
God you are a dicklicker that just can’t be bothered to do their job. I’ve been to places where the patio was in full on sun, and a sweltering fly-blown hellhole. Others are sunken gardens with shade and a babbling water fountain, which can be quite cool, even on a sunny August day. If someone asks this question, maybe they haven’t been there before and are really asking if any effort has been put into the patio, or if it is simply some old splintery picnic tables on a concrete pad.
MANGLER
If you really want your voice heard or opinion to matter to anyone, please start your own blog and fuck off from this one. We all think you’re a cunt.
carp
Oh, Barb, blow it out your ass. Just because you’ve seen people in worse conditions doesn’t mean other people have to be in similar or worse conditions for the right to complain. I’ll bet you do all this obnoxious crap and more. I’ve never been a server and from what you said, it sounds like you haven’t been either. But I can still appreciate that being a server can, like any job, have its annoying moments that interrupt the general flow of the day.
JakeDdx
You seriously comment on this blog all the time with your cunty attitude. No one gives a shit what you think barb. You and your water with extra lemon can fuck right off.
Barb Chandler
Maybe I’d be a bit happier if you’d clean the fecal matter from under your fingernails before you sliced that lemon. Maybe tell your boss to spend a little more on the toilet paper so it doesn’t break through on you. Or maybe shave your ass so you don’t have so much to scrub.
Reality Check...
No need to name call, Barb. If it’s so friggin’ hot & miserable outside, why don’t you just sit inside, & remain the same old rude, uncouth person you’ve always been in the AC?
The Bitchy Waiter
Hi, Barb. I am going to respectfully ask you to move on and stop leaving comments. You see, I get an email every time someone leaves one and quite frankly, I’m sick of seeing your name in my inbox. It’s clear you disagree with everything this blog is about so I cannot understand why you keep coming back. Please leave us alone to wallow in our own misery. I don’t need to be insulted by you any longer. Thank you.
Barb Chandler
I am free to comment unless you move this shit show to a platform that controls the comments prior to posting, or take other measures. I await the next post so that I may call them as I see them. You must think I am a dummy if I didn’t know you get a notice every time a comment is left, so if you need it, I’ll switch up the name so you don’t have your anxieties.
I know that the thing is you want me gone, but you don’t want to pay the money for a better platform to keep me out. You are a basic whore and for as long as this has gone on, you’re only in this to make money. Do some maintenance. But you are too busy with all the cock in your mouth and ass to get down to business.
Anonymous
You are such a dumb cunt
The Bitchy Waiter
You really are a waste of my time.
The Bitchy Waiter
Okay fine. You keep on doing what you’re doing, Barb.
Barb Chandler
All waiters are whores, but not all whores are waiters. Speaking as a true whore, I should know these things. I mean, really, I am such a whore that I once fucked an organic yam for two solid weeks and called it my boyfriend. I took Yammy out to dinner once to Olive Garden and he ended up in the Tuscan Soup. It was a sad day for me and my stretched out vagina.
Deadringer
I just had a 6 top tell me the other day that they were in a huge rush, while there were 7 other tables in the restaurant and they hadn’t even gotten their food yet… Needless to say, that table wasn’t in a rush and they were there for about 2 hours…
Amy
ok, I get it if people are separating checks if paying with cards, there is no f’ing excuse for that if your all paying cash…..it’s basic fucking math people, it’s crap you learn in the 4th grade for Christ’s sake!
Lt
I may come in a restaurant for lunch with a Co worker when I’m traveling for business. I need a separate check for business expense purposes. What’s the big deal printing twould checks ? You have to press the button on the computer a couple extra times? You are more likely to get a larger tip if you don’t roll your eyes..
medicated and motivated
i wish i “came” in a restaurant
medicated and motivated
ummmm, sorry, was reading too fast and got all horned up thinking about coming in my co worker at our restaurant..
Ursla
Tell me you like your coffee like your women.
Will
Cold and bitter
Maggie
Ask me how long the wait is for a table of 15 in a restaurant that only has 13 tables then get pissed and look around saying there are three empty tables. They are clear across the other room from each other, would you like me to remodel the place for you? Move people with their plates? Kill ten members of your party? What, you tell me?
Margaret
The only one of these that seems remotely defensible to me is the one about separate checks–because if we tell you that before we order, I don’t know what my friend is getting, nor how they’re planning to pay for the meal. (I still get that it’s sort of annoying, though. Just harder to avoid.)
I like my job, but..
The worst thing isn’t that the checks are separate, or even ordering the same thing. The worst is taking an excruciatingly long time and asking all sorts of silly questions to come to the conclusion that you’ll have an ice tea with lemon and a salad with ranch. Then when your friend does the same thing, and gets an ice tea with lemon and a salad with ranch. Facepalm*
Michele
When I waited on tables I didn’t really mind separate checks. Just tell me. There weren’t my favorite but it was part of the job. One time I was waiting on tables and I got a 10 top. They said one check. So i quit paying strict attention to who ordered the beer or the apps. Time to go they tell me to give the check to John. John gets check and shakes his head. Apparently it was a big joke on John. Still mad 20 years later.
Amanda
I’m mad on your behalf, hahahaha!
Playing a joke on a friend that makes extra work and headaches for an employee of any establishment is really classless.
Laurie
If you are dining out . It’s simple just split the bill by the number of people in your party
Cecelia
Um, no. If I am just ordering a burger and fries I should not have to cover part of the cost for my friends steak and 2 orders of appetizers.
Clare Ostler
When we go out the rule is no matter what you had or didn’t have we split the bill. Woman seem to
have more of a problem with this then men. The “who had a coffee” brigade as they are counting out there pennies.
Anonymous
Guess what, some people don’t make as much money as others. Thanks to the wage gap, they’re often women. So kindly STFU, sexist bitch.
G
Then don’t go out with friends and be cheap AF
Anonymous
There’s a difference between being cheap “AF” (seriously, if you’re gonna cuss, just fucking do it) and not wanting to pay for someone else’s lobster.
Ramona Gebert
Not an option if your friend is the person who orders one of everything.
Reality Check...
If you pay with cash, why can’t you just take one check? That’s the point.
medicated and motivated
why cant everyone just pull out cash from the atm first? it drives me bonkers when a party orders a couple pitchers of ipas, a couple appetizers, and a few miscellaneous beers, then hand me 15 atm cards to close out! i didnt memorize your name while carding you, no one is in the same seat, i dont know who is who had what, newly 21 year olds and jay ones expect an uber-like app transaction, and then you steal my pens!!!
Lou
the group of 6 people who want to, not only pay separately, but point out on the bill what they had and expect the waiter to be a human calculator.
“I had the two cokes, burger and coffee”
“We shared a side also so I’ll pay for half of that”
Ahem! No no no. You ate the meal.. how bout you get your smart phone out and work out your own bill…
Dont make me part of this misery.
There is one demographic who are particularly notorious for this kind of fuckery… the American tourist. (I’ll probably get trolled for saying that but it’s true, sorry guys, but ye melt the face off me at the best of times)
medicated and motivated
precisely! i find it hilarious that everyone everywhere has their phone in their hands with their cameras, candy crush, or yelp on deck, but god forbid they can bust out a little mathematics for christs’ sake! i gave you the “wee-fee” password, took your picture, and showed you the restroom! don’t steal my pens!
Garson
I would say it’s annoying when one person would pay with a $20 and the other pays in 5’s and 1’s. I don’t mind splitting checks, it’s part of my job. If both people have big bills and neither can make change, no worries, I got you. But when I can make change with the other person’s cash that’s when I roll my eyes.
Lisa
I love the system where I work. We have a “new person” button that we click for each customer. If at the end people want separate checks we have the option to “separate all and print” or to separated selected ones we highlight. It’s so incredibly simple. People apologize when they ask and I smile and say no problem because it really is that easy. I work at a tiny mom and pop restaurant in the middle of nowhere and we have this. I’m surprised more upscale/populous places don’t have this technology.