When someone dislikes their experience at a restaurant, they have the option to either return to it or not. But sometimes, that’s not enough and they feel the need to go to Yelp and shart out 300 words about how they were wronged. I’m all for a constructive critique and a sensible review, but when someone bashes the physicality of the people who work there, well then, that’s gonna piss my shit off.
Nambie S. went to a restaurant in Austin called The Capital Grille. In her first sentence of her review, she deems it to be the biggest dump in all of Austin. Seeing that Austin has 1,088 restaurants within its city limits, we can gather that Nambie has spent a great deal of time in all of them, for how else would she know that this is the biggest dump of them all? Nambie is an expert in dumps. (I’m not just talking about the kind of ”dump” when someone is referring to a place that is run down or lackluster. I am also talking about huge, stinky, dumps that come from too much beef brisket and lentils. I am also talking about scat play.)
She is upset that the bartender asked her to talk more quietly. Nambie thinks that being in a bar that is “open to the public” entitles her to the right to be as loud as she wants. It does not. You still should behave with a modicum of decorum, whether you are in a classy establishment like Red Lobster or a so-called dump. Nambie goes on to call her bartender a “cougar” and then boasts that she is “younger and cuter” than the person who is, you know, handling her food. Nambie, no matter how disappointed you are with the behavior of the bartender, there is no need to resort to name-calling, you sleazy shit-covered, dump dumpster.
Later, when the “managing owner” of the restaurant came over to talk to Nambie, the only thing Nambie got out of the conversation was that she felt the manger was obese. This is when she gives the restaurant some hiring advice:
“restaurants should be more cautious of hiring obese people as that it makes their ‘struggle’ more difficult due to being around food.”
You see, Nambie understands this struggle, although not from a weight perspective. Nambie loves dumps so much that whenever she is in a place she perceives to be a dump, she is overcome with the urge to have someone drop a load on her. It’s not easy for her to resist. The bigger the dump she’s eating in, the bigger the dump she wants on her face. Just being near a toilet makes her knees quiver with anticipation. Once, when walking through the bathroom fixtures department at her local Home Depot, Nambie had a Pavlovian response and immediately dropped to her hands and knees at a row of toilets and begged someone to release their bowels on her. She wrote a Yelp review of the Home Depot and gave it one star. (“Service was horrible. No one would shit on me. I will never go back!”)
Nambie ends her review with the stereotypical statement that people learn in Yelp Review Writing 101 and threatens to tell all of her friends to never go there. “I will tell every one i come across in my huge but tight knit high rise not to bother w this place.” And when Nambie uses the words “huge” she is referring to the size of her craps and when she says “tight knit” she is talking about her blouse that is way too small because she got shit on it last night and washed it in hot water and it shrunk.
I hope that in the future, Nambie will write reviews that focus on actual events at the restaurant and not the physicality of the people who serve her. Anything other than that is pretty shitty. Ironic really, since her profile photo is this:
Maybe she revels in shit.
RonS
What kind of name is “Nambie”? As an obese person, I’d like to point out to this winner that she has a ridiculous name, and maybe shouldn’t go to bars where no doubt everyone “struggles” to say it without giggling.
Nambie
What kind of idiot uses their real name on a site full of apparent obese stalkers? Not only are you obese, you aren’t very smart either:/
Reginald van der Slythe III
Nambie, we already know you’re fat and stupid. No need to project on all the nice people here. It’s okay, just go watch some more “Keeping Up with the Kardashians” reruns and stuff your big, piggy face with buttered pork rinds. You know, like you do every day. Thanks in advance.
Nambie
It’s called having mutiple houses, an idea that wouldn’t cross the help’s mind so I understand your ignorance. The french quarter is the park place of real estate in new orleans, but i imagine you’ve only been to the dumpy part where the help would hang out so i feel you on your view of it. Also, my condo is Austin, not Houston. Make sure you can read before you try to write an insult…..fatty,ha!
Nambie is a CUNT.
Oh god, husband? He must hate his life and cheat on this cretan regularly. You really hate fat people, I bet he’s hooking up with the cute, chubby receptionist ?. Come eat at our restaurants! We will “help” your food with our homemade seasonings!
justaayin
No one hires chubby receptionists silly;)
husband here
I’m her husband and i wanted to tell all of you thank you for the copious amounts of attention you guys have given this. It has very entertaining to see how little people have to do with valuable time.
Oh and gross, just because fat chicks are usually more slutty because they have to do something for attention doesn’t mean anyone in their right mind /not desperate wants to hook up with them. I don’t even know the front desks person’s name, much less what they look like. Aren’t they there to make sure they are invisible to me and to do the chores i studied hard not to have to do?
Reginald van der Slythe III
Nambie, you’re not fooling anyone, you know.
J
I actually kinda feel sorry for her. She feels the need to point out that she lives in a huge high rise and that she knows the person that owns the building. She really wants people to know how important she believes herself to be.
Btw. Refering to someone as the help really makes you sound like a joke.
Capital Grille has Managing Partners. They are vested in the business and do the day to day running of the business.
Nambie I’m sure you really aren’t a terrible person and you don’t deserve to be called names but you really need to take a look at how you look down on people.
Robert
If you checked out her other reviews, she actually lives in NOLA, or at least likes to brag how she lives in the French Quarter in EVERY SINGLE REVIEW. (Which I don’t think I would brag about. You ever smelled the French Quarter in the summer?) So obviously, she doesn’t live in a huge, tight-knit high-rise in downtown Houston. We should feel sorry for her. Her name is Nambie and she smells like the French Quarter.
Nambie
Also flattered to have another yelp stalker….it’s too bad they’re all fat and the help though.
Nambie
Multiple houses is a concept the help can’t grasp,but it’s a real thing… Loser. Oh and my condo is in Austin, not gross Houston.
Becky
Wait a minute. “The help?” What a sad, angry woman. Her life must be full indeed if she had time to post negative reviews and offensive comments.
Erika
“I have a life! Your fat opinions don’t matter to me!” Just keep coming back to tell us that, honey. The more often you repeat it the more believable it becomes.
Nambie
Oh mt God a stranger doesn’t like me,you guys are huge losers for thinking you matter at all….signing off fatties! I have a life
Mike
Nambie you are a stupid, miserable cunt whore. Jump off a cliff you nasty loud mouth piece of shit.
Nambie
Lastly, a grammar lesson from a professional waiter is comical. I type this crap from my phone and don’t really go back to proofread something as dumb as a yelp review.
Nambie
And no of course nambie isnt my real name…
Mellie
Oh, that’s good, well, I guess being a big cunt is punishment enough…
Lurker
Your name is Mellie and you use the word “c#nt.” you are an embarassment to the female gender…and most likely obese,bahaha.
Mellie
Even if I were obese, at least I’m not an a-hole or friends with someone named Nambie….
Nambie
Nambie here!
I just wanted to personally thank you for all of the time, breath, and blog space you wasted on me. I would have never known about this blog if it weren’t for the other offended obese yelpers who messaged it to me. I really and flattered, thank you.
Ps. Huge dumps keep you thin….
Oh and fatty repliers i won’t be coming back to this “blog” or checking your yelp messages because i have a life so don’t bother messaging me/think your replies might faze me. Got to go take a huge dump now….
Mellie
Is Nambie really her real name? If so, that’s so much worse than being obese….
Concerned
Oh and I have read much worse reviews than this but since they didn’t use the word obese no one seemed to care. You guys are giving way too much attention to this person which she probably likes.
Concerned
The “red lobster being classy” is a joke right?
MANGLER
Name me a place where management or any employee would point out to the agitating person who made the complaint about them. Someone complained about you. That should be enough to tell you to tone it down a bit. Not yelp out finger diarrhea.
Also, whenever anyone says to us “and I”ll tell my friends not to come in”, we gingerly reply “please do, we don’t want them either”
Caitlin
This woman sounds like a real cunt. I am also a manager of a restaurant, typically we look down on loud ass women because it’s painfully obvious it’s their only shot at attention, being so God Damn trashy and all.
Nambie
Oh no the help looking down on me, my social life is over.
Nambie
You use the word “c#nt” and you are a woman so please don’t ever try to call someone else trashy. Any one who has any respect for the female gender doesn’t use that word in any context. Oh and i was w my husband so no i wasn’t looking for attention. Not to mention all of the attention you guys have given me, I clearly don’t need to look for it.
The Bitchy Waiter
For someone who won’t be back to check on the blog, you sure are posting a lot.
Bananni
People are just going to think she is a self-righteous idiot. It’s The Capital Grille, for Christ’s sake, and that particular location has an average of four stars.
Jen
Bitchy, the best part of this wonderful article is the statement under her profile picture. ‘Maybe she revels in shit.’ I just laughed until I almost pissed myself! Love your site!
Catman_
This makes me angry. Really glad I’m off work and not on a smoke break.
Sherry Hamilton
Wow some people have no class!! That lady should be barred from your business!! No one wants to hear loud mouth ppl anyway! She was rude and disrespectful!! Keep doing what ur doing!! Can’t make everyone happy all the time