An Open Letter to The Christians Who Leave “Christian Stuff” For Tips

13335833_10154438316687262_226151819442520964_nDear Christians Who Tip Your Servers With Christian Stuff,

Stop it. You’re giving your religion a bad name and there are enough people who do that already. If you go out to Carrabba’s for dinner and ring up a $67.03 check, the appropriate tip is about $13, not $2.97 and a card asking your server if they are “good enough for heaven.” For all you know, that server has already opened their heart to Jesus Christ and is filled with the light of God. Don’t assume that everyone needs to be preached to. And don’t assume that the server, Christian or not, is doing this job for any reason other than the money. Last time I checked, you can’t pay bills with a laminated “I’m a good Christian” card. I know that not all Christians do this, but for every one of you who does it, you are perpetuating the myth that Christians are a pain in the ass and need to get off their high and mighty pedestal.

In Rome, back in the early days, Christians were being thrown to the lions. Do you know why? Let me tell you:

The year is 2 AD and the very first Carrabba’s Italian Grill had just opened two blocks away from the Colosseum. It was a very busy restaurant with a high turnover. The waitresses’ name was Konstantina and she was the niece of Emperor Augustus and was really pissed off that, even though her fucking uncle was the ruler of the Roman Empire, she still had to work part-time at Carrabba’s to “keep her grounded.” Needless to say, she was a bitch.

One day a family of Christians came in and sat in her section: a mother, father, two children and a goat. They ordered Italian lettuce wraps, mozzarella rustica, prosciutto-wrapped pork tenderloin, a family bundle cavatappi Alfredo, four waters with lemons and a bowl of hay. Konstantina did her job with a fake smile on her face and everything came out perfectly. Their check was for 28 Denarius and the tip was not included. They left her 27 Denarius which is a crappy tip, even in the year 2 AD. But on top of that, they left her a tiny piece of slate with something carved into it. It said,”are you a good enough for heaven?” Konstantina was pissed.

“That is not a tip, people!” she screamed at the family. “Are you freaking kidding me with this? Don’t move. Stay right there.”

Konstantina went to the delivery boy/courier and gave him a message to give to her Uncle Augustus, the Emperor of the Roman Empire. “Tell my uncle that these cheap Christians just left me the crappiest tip possible and I can’t take it anymore. I want him to send some mother fucking soldiers over here right now, and drag these bitches down to the Colosseum and throw their asses to the lions.”

The delivery boy/courier took the message to the Emperor, thinking that the noble man would never honor such a ridiculous request from his niece. But you see, Uncle Augustus had a sweet spot for Konstantina. His love for his niece, along with the fact that he was bored, rich and crazy, made him think that throwing Christians to the lions might be a fun thing to do this beautiful Wednesday afternoon. Besides, there was nothing playing at the Colosseum that day since The Rolling Stones had canceled two days prior.

“Why not?” he yelled. “Throw the Christians to the lions! Happy Wednesday!”

So, Christians. Enough with the non-money tips. Got it? Thanks.

Mustard and mayo,
The Bitchy Waiter

p.s. I do have a book out and I think you would love it. Buy it here.

35 thoughts on “An Open Letter to The Christians Who Leave “Christian Stuff” For Tips

  1. Jimmy C

    Sorry…my religion requires me to eat out twice a day and save all tips for a rainy day! Get a real job.

    Reply
    1. Jessica

      How is serving not a real job? 10$ of my hard earned money says you wouldnt last a day doing what servers do.; including taking care of self entitled asshats like you. This job pays for my rent, food, bills, college and anything else I need just like your “real job”. So how about before you try and say what I do isn’t a real job, try it out for yourself. Then we will see who has the “real job”. Peace out you poor excuse for a human being.

      Reply
    2. Ken Abbott

      Jimmy C your a stupid ignorant asshole an one day Karma will get you your self righteous and do not care about anyone but yourself..when your stricken down may you go to hell

      Reply
    3. marilyn

      If being a server is not a real job, Jimmy C, you need to prepare your own food and take it to your own table. Better yet, stay home.

      Reply
    4. jennifer

      Jimmy C then then that makes you a bad person and you are going to hell to burn in fire and brimstone……..

      Reply
  2. Jen

    My religion compels me to give to Cesaer what is Cesaer’s and give to God what is God’s.

    And to tip my server at least 20%.

    Any Christian that does less isn’t a real Christian. They’re a cheap ass.

    Reply
  3. Ajay

    I once served a table of Christians who were incredibly polite. At the end of the meal, they left me a card that said “Thank you for your service!” and had a Bible verse about those who serve. They also left me a great tip. It had way more of an impact on me than people who stiff you and leave a Chick tract about how you’re going to hell.

    Reply
    1. Jessica

      Right??!! How can they not see that? If you want something from someone (i.e. for them to join your church) you need to be polite and kind. Most Christians are alright but the ones who do this crap make the rest look horrible.

      Reply
    2. Stephanie

      I do love me some Chick tracts for their hilariousness, but fuck anyone who leaves them instead of a tip.

      Reply
    1. Mike

      Russell is correct, look again. One of the bills slid down. Speaking of “Math much?”, how about the authors math? Even if it was $70, the tip would be $2.97, not $2.93 as stated in the second sentence.

      Reply
      1. BettyD

        The $10 is folded back at the corner. There is no additional $10. You can see the tabletop below the folded edge and above the tract.

        Reply
  4. Kay

    I dropped of the food at my table, asked if there was anything else they needed before they started eating. The lady asked me if there was anything in my life that they could pray for. They didn’t know that I had been having a difficult time. I held their hands and they prayed for me. I cried like the atheist baby that I am.

    They left 20%. Now that is how you Christian!!!

    Reply
  5. Jenny

    I never tip as I live in Australia and it isn’t accepted practice here. I hope it never is.
    You need to get proper wages in America instead of the ridiculously low pay that is the norm over there.

    Reply
    1. Jessica

      I wish we would!! A lot of restaurants are starting to pay servers actual wages but they have to raise the prices to do so. You can only imagine how well that sits with the general population.

      Reply
    2. TrainerGirl

      Jenny, when I was in Australia last year, I found some restaurants that included tip lines on the bill. I wondered if they were considered “tourist” restaurants and were hoping that customers wouldn’t know that the tip is included and tip anyway.

      Reply
  6. Lorraine

    Mark 16:15 states “And He said to them, ‘Go into all the world and preach the gospel to every creature.’” I understand you can’t pay the bills with it but you can save someone’s soul from eternal hell. And…..i if that waiter/waitress is a Christian amd a true follower of Jesus then when receiving that tip they’d smile and say Amen while trusting Jesus will ensure they’re bills are going to be paid!!

    Reply
    1. Jessica

      Lorraine…thats my photo…and im sorry to say i’m not a Christian. Jesus never saved me from anything in my life. If I ever encountered a hard time, I got out of it by working harder and talking to my friends and family. Not ONCE did Jesus help me when i needed it. Not ONCE did jesus save me from an abusive mother. Not once did jesus give me any comfort. I believe you make your own life…..you are in charge of your outlook on life. If you believe in jesus, awesome….that’s your choice. However it isn’t right that you go out to eat and spend money on food then tell me I’m not good enough for heaven and leave no tip. If you want to spread the word of god then you need to treat others with kindness and respect. You will change no ones minds by giving your server a shitty tip and a pamphlet saying you’re not good enough for heaven. You lorraine are yet another reason i cant stand most Christians.

      Reply
    2. outhousecat

      Why don’t you send some of your crap to the electric company every month and see which comes first – your bill getting paid or those fuckers turning off your lights.

      Reply
  7. Jason

    I wholeheartedly agree with Lorraine. I live paycheck to paycheck, and whenever I find myself coming up short on the bills rather than stress out about it or scramble to make ends meet, I have faith that the Lord will take care of it. It’s been tougher as of late as I’m currently living out of doors, but all part of His plan, right?

    Reply
    1. Magda

      You’re living outside but have a computer and internet access? And can waste your time reading satire sites instead of seeking shelter and work? I’d say the Lord has provided for you fairly well.

      Reply
  8. Hercule

    Impressive that the family was Christian when Christ himself was only 2 years old (but then maybe they were just pagans who gave junky tips?)

    Reply
  9. Magda

    “Their check was for 28 Denarius and the tip was not included. They left her 27 Denarius which is a crappy tip, even in the year 2 AD.”

    Are you saying that they shorted her on the bill or that they tipped her almost 100%? 27/28 =96.43%

    Reply

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