Almost a year ago, I wrote a blog post called “Watch Out, Someone Thinks My Job Isn’t Real.” It was a warmly written, heartfelt, feel good piece about how people who think waiting tables isn’t a real job can go fuck themselves with a rusty teaspoon that was used to keep Table 30 on the patio from wobbling. Well, one comment arrived a few days ago that needs some attention. Someone named Bob pulled an old piece of toilet paper out of his ass and read it like a fortune cookie:
Literally the easiest job on the planet, and the Biggest whiners ever. I worked as a server for 2 months before I found a better one when I was 17, and all I heard when the other servers were in the back was a bunch of bitch. About everything. 60% of what servers do is stand around.
Oh, Bob, Dear, sweet, Bob who shits out fortune cookie blog post comments, what can I say? I can this: you’re an asshole. I don’t consider waiting tables “literally the easiest job on the planet.” I have had a lot of jobs in my life and I can say that being manager of Putt-Putt in Denver was easier than waiting tables. I would also suspect that reading old blog posts and then leaving poorly written comments can be considered easier too, but since you don’t get paid to do that, we can hardly call it a job, can we? Waiting tables is not as hard as working in a coal mine or harvesting cotton, of course, but it’s no walk in the park or sitting behind a counter and giving people coupons when they get a hole-in-one. Serving can be strenuous, exhausting work and many a time after a 12-hour shift, my body has ached to the point of needing a rub down of Icy Hot®.
Yes, servers may whine about their job, but everyone fucking whines about their job. I bet even the vice-president of Svedka whines every once in a while. It’s what people do to vent and make themselves be able to face their customers and co-workers. A bunch of co-workers complaining about something can practically be considered “team building.” And if you are going to complain about a website called “Bitchy Waiter” because there is a waiter bitching, then you need to move your mouse up to the top left corner of this computer window and click the fuck out of here.
So, you worked as a server for two whole months until you found a “better one.” A better what? A better job? Seeing that you were only 17 at the time, I would guess that your “better one” was working at Wal-Mart or some other retail job. Don’t try to pretend that at the ripe old age of 17, you filled out an application for vice-president of Svedka vodka and they hired you. (Seriously, that’s my dream job.)
As for standing around 60% of the time, your numbers are off. We stand around 100% of the time, because we are not allowed to sit down. And if you are implying that we are only working 40% of the time we are at work, you’re wrong about that too. When I am the only server with no busser or food runner and I have a full restaurant, I wish I could work only 40% of the time, but I can’t. My job is to make sure people have a great dining experience and that involves me taking their order, conveying it to the kitchen, bringing the food, clearing their plates, resetting that table, all the while, keeping glasses full, my sidestand stocked, the restaurant clean and a goddam smile on my face 100% of the time.
Why don’t you go find a bag of dicks and choke on about 60% of them? Thank you for your comment.