By now, we have all heard about the tragic incident at the Cincinnati Zoo that resulted in a 17-year-old, 400-pound silverback gorilla named Harambe being shot and killed after a 4-year-old boy fell into the enclosure and was at extreme risk. Zoo officials decided, that for the safety of the child, the gorilla had to be taken down immediately, explaining that a tranquilizer gun could have agitated the gorilla more and harmed the little boy. There are plenty of critics out there who question whether it was the right decision to kill the animal. There are also critics who blame the mother for not keeping a more watchful eye on her child, allowing him to crawl through a barrier, past some bushes and over the edge of a moat, falling 15 feet. Whose fault is this and who deserved to be punished? The gorilla, obviously. He was a monster.
Surely, killing an endangered animal was not an easy decision for zoo officials, but we are talking about a child here, people. A child who, for whatever reason, ended up someplace he should not be and was in danger. For the safety of that child, the animal clearly needed to be shot dead in its tracks. I propose that from now on, when a child is in any dangerous situation because perhaps the parent failed to pay attention for just a couple of minutes, that anything and everything should be done to make that child’s safety the number one priority. And I’m not only talking about zoos, either.
Many times when I am at work, I have watched children wander away from their table and their parents and end up someplace they shouldn’t be. Maybe they are in the middle of the dining room in a heavy traffic area where severs are whisking past with heavy trays of food, high overhead. One false step and that tray of food can come crashing down on that toddler. I have seen children stand directly in front of the swinging door to the kitchen; that same door that we furiously kick open when we are barreling out of the kitchen, in a hurry to serve a piece of apple cobbler to the woman at Table12 who had earlier said she was unable to eat gluten. If that child happened to be standing there at the wrong time, that door would pummel him into the wall, leaving him with a concussion, a broken bone or, at the very least, a bruised ego. It might also leave a stain on the wall that the server would have to clean up. So what should happen the next time a child has unknowingly wound up putting himself in danger in a restaurant because he took advantage of the thirty seconds his mom wasn’t paying attention?
We should shoot the server. Yes, for the safety of the child, restaurant workers should be killed immediately.
Do not bother with a tranquilizer dart, because if a dart hits me, I will not fall to the ground right away. I will first say, “What the fuck? Who the fuck just shot me with a goddamn tranquilizer dart, bitches?” I will be angry and anyone around me will risk the wrath that comes from a bitchy server who has just been shot with a tranquilizer gun. Before the drowsiness overtakes me, I will kick and scream and, in my fit of anger, I may accidentally pick up a fork and poke a 4-year-old in the arm. For the safety of the child, simply grab the nearest rifle and shoot me between the eyes. Once I have fallen to the ground, my life’s blood oozing from my body, only then will it be time to do two things:
- Have the parent grab the child and tell him “I told you to stay close to me! No dessert for you!”
- Ask the dishwasher to drag me to the basement and put me in the garbage area until trash night and then have him mop that shit up.
The whole Cincinnati Zoo event is a tragedy and maybe it was unavoidable. Maybe that 4-year-old little boy has the reflexes of a cat and the stealth of a ninja and his mother looked away for only half a second when he flew into the gorilla enclosure. Others will blame the zoo for not having a better system to keep people out of the enclosures, but if someone really wants to do something they can. A car alarm doesn’t necessarily keep a car from being stolen, does it? Maybe the only way this could have been avoided was for the mother to have a leash on her child so that when she does look away for a few seconds, her stealthy, cat-like, ninja, 4-year-old boy won’t be able to jump into a gorilla pen and create the need for the animal to be shot.
CincyDrunk
Aww I’m sad I missed Darla’s comment. Seems Bitchy edited it.
Also, I’m very sad about the gorilla as I live five minutes away from that zoo and spent pretty much my whole childhood there. I kinda understand why they shot him, it still fucking sucks.
Nance
Fuck you, you stupid, racist, ignorant fuck.
Krista
I have read comments from many server-haters on this site. Never, NEVER have I read racist remarks!
I feel for you Darla; you must be in constant, severe pain from all of that hate and anger festering away inside your weak, vile body and mind.
dead_elvis
Fuck off & die, racist bitch.
julie
Um, BW – I think this one needs banned from your page.
MANGLER
I could never have been a semi truck driver. If someone pulls in front of me, I will ram them rather than swerve off into a ditch.
Same went for serving. Anyone that walked in my way when I had a tray got shoved outta the way. On occasion, a kid got kicked. I’d rather boink a child off to the side than trip over them and drop scalding food onto them.
Joey B
I fucking hate to read this .Poor animal .Lost to “people”
Joey B
Fuck that idiot child and his fat ebtitled ” mother ” abd that fuckin shooting .” Team” stupid bullies . All they know is how to bullie .I don’t like this . It’s mean and irresponsible .Poor Boy didn’t need to die for the Idiotic ” family” I hope he never goes much past 13 .Hello Diabetes…Hope his ” momma & poppa” die off too . Parasites . Worms . Wormy family .
Michele
What happened in your life. You racist piece of shit.
Cameron Rose
Nothing said here has been racist. You are bringing up that non issue because you don’t have an actual argument to present.
Michele
ebtitled mother. Not racist you say. I have been around long enough to known when people think they are being slick with their racism.
proud former server
After reading this comment, at first, I wanted to reply with “WTF is wrong with you?”
But then I realised that I might, actually, be replying to a 12 year old with suicidal tendancies. Or someone who lives in a third world country and has a language barrier. Because that is how the comment reads. You need help with something, I’m not sure what…
BW – excellent post! Insightful yet hilarious…I laughed/loved all the way to the comments.
BTW, if this had happened in 1980? Footage of the incident would have (probably not existed, but if somebody had a camcorder…) looked like this.
(Mom sees son in gorilla enclosure)
Mom (yells loudly): KidsName!!! GTFO of there this instant!
Gorilla and boy are both visibly startled. Boy runs back to Mom’s side immediately. Nothing tragic happens and nobody dies or gets sued. The end.
Darla
Edited by BW, because this chick is a total racist.
She also eats her own shit and has a bad case of blue waffles.
Michele
Fuck you, you racist bitch.
sara bosely
yeah, it seems like too many parents like to think of the restaurant as the babysitter of their children. and if you try asking them to reign the kids in, boy, you get a bunch of prickly pears on your hands immediately and risk jeopardizing your tip. on another note, why are all these people so up in arms about the killing of the gorilla? if it’s because they think the gorilla had the right to live as a sentient being, then hopefully they will consider looking down at their dinner plates and realize that the billions of cows, chickens, pigs etc also had the right to live. peace.
Amber Lane
Uhm, it also might have to do with the fact that silverbacked gorillas are endangered because of humans in the first place, and humans are plentiful and harmful and not to go somewhere people can’t handle, but those gorillas are extremely more valuable than any human life, least reason being there are so fewer gorillas than humans. THIS is why people are upset. I’m not saying the child shouldn’t be protected. I’m answering your question because when you answered it yourself you seemed to have some dissonance going on.
Jersey
This is not I repeat not an amusement park this is a restaurant that sells things that sizzle …. This is a place where I am walking as fast as I can… I am not afraid to launch a fajita because I also don’t want to get burned… That child’s mother doesn’t pay my rent… I might twist my ankle…. Still avoiding us…. Don’t let your kids die because you don’t care ….
Caitlin
I do not hesitate to growl children on the loose. You can’t really do anything about the screamers, but the runners get told to slow down and go back to their table. Ain’t nobody got time for that.
Technically I’m not being paid to babysit your child, but when I’ve been cursed with serving a 10 year old hockey team and the parents have their own separate table so they can pretend not to notice the flock of hellions they’ve released into my section, you bet your boots I’m going to keep those little brats in line. This includes making them sit in their chairs, confiscating items if they start throwing things around (bonus points if you catch the projectile item in midair and give it back to the parents instead of the children), and not letting them order dessert until they’re all quiet and seated. Usually the best kids are given extra candy at the end of their meal (bonus points for making the evil children feel bad). This bitchy server does not mess around.
Debbe Ryan
At the restaurant where I used to work, a waitress coming out of the kitchen with a tray of food, fell over a child that was wandering around the restaurant. The parents were fiddling with their phones and didn’t notice that he left his chair. The little boy went over to where the door was to the kitchen and sat down. The waitress was hurt and had to go home. The parents got mad at the manager and I (I was the assistant manager) and wrote a letter to our headquarters.
Jamie
I had a friend whose parents put her on a leash as a child… She put it on other kids and ran off
miss kitty
Thank you. This is spot on.