Hair in the food happens. We don’t plan it and we don’t like for it to happen and, nine times out of ten, it’s the customer’s own hair. No matter who the hair belongs to, the customer always wants to get their food for free because they think that finding hair in the food is more disgusting than the fact that the cook made their burger mere minutes after blatantly ignoring the “employees must wash hands before returning to work” sign after he took a massive dump that was a direct result of the 7-11 breakfast burrito he had on his way to work.
Well, a couple off asshole students named Jord and Lib, are trying to cash in on that idea. I pretty much hate them and it has nothing do with their names sounding like a holistic brand of soap or a defunct sing duo from the ’70’s. They posted an auction on eBay selling his beard hairs and calling them “free meal tokens.” That’s right, he’s selling hair from his beard so that people can take those hairs, place them in into their food at the restaurant and claim that it came from the kitchen, therefore getting a shot at free food.
“Ever had a meal that you wish you didn’t have to pay for?
Ever wanted a meal that you couldn’t afford?
We have the answer! My beard hair provides the ultimate get out clause..
‘Oi waiter! What’s this f***ing hair in my meal?’
‘Oh I am so sorry sir, it doesn’t look like one of ours, I’ll get it sorted for you.’
A short while later after you’ve finished your meal…‘
We are so sorry for the incident sir, we’ve fully refunded your meal and given you a complimentary voucher to come back again if you wish.’ “
And believe it or not, people have bought them. Jord said, “about ten of my hairs are out on the loose already to get a free meal for someone, but I’ve got plenty more to give.”
Who the fuck bought those nasty-ass, hipster beard hairs? Did they not have hair of their own? Are there that many sufferers of alopecia in this world who are so desperate to to try to get a free meal comped at Applebee’s that they will pay the equivalent of $3.63 for some random hair bought on the Internet?
Someone needs to create a portable, do-it-yourself- DNA kit so that the next time someone tries the ol’ “hair in the food” trick, we can whip that DNA machine out of our apron and pull a Maury Povich on their ass: “You claim that this hair in your 4-cheese mac & cheese with honey chicken tenders is not from you and you want your food for free. The DNA results have confirmed that’s a lie!”
Here is the eBay posting if you want to go check out this bullshit for yourself. The listing is expired, but still. What the fuck?
Victoria
Had two girls at my cafeteria who ate $20 worth of food and 3/4 of the final sandwich before rolling up to my counter and slam the sandwich down and demand their money back which had four long black hairs on it, I have long red hair and I’m the only one that works there. I gave her a refund for her sandwich and apologized and offered to make her a new one for free. They swore at me for not comping their ENTIRE purchase. They left swearing once I called security down.
Hercule
Seems like people selling hair to get free meals are inducing fraud, and should be prosecuted by the appropriate authorities. eBay should refer these people to the DA.
Jael
Ha ha Maury Povich…..loved that idea. I had a lady with long blonde hair almost to her ass. Waited until I brought her app to then decide to pull her back up into a ponytail, then complain about hair in her food. The cook was bald and I have brown hair. I’m like yeah I’ll make you another one if your done playing with your hair. Mmmkay. Also had a lady that purposely put her eyelashes in the food to get it comped. I hope her eyelids are bald now.
Emily
We had a family who constantly lied and manipulated people to get free stuff. They learned all the managers names and would see who was working and who was not, then tell the manager on duty that one of the others promised them a free (insert anything here) because of their terrible experience last time. When that stopped working, they took more desperate measures. I watched him pull a tuft of his own thinning hairline and put it dead center in the middle of his steak. As if the person on grill, the person who plated the sides, the person who was on Expo, and then the person who ran it all did so without noticing a mound of hair in the center of the steak. They got banned after that.
MANGLER
Had a lady call me over and ask what I saw. I said her dinner.
She pointed to a long curly red hair and said ‘what’s this?”
I then pointed to her shirt, shoulder, and pants, and said “same thing that’s here, here, and here” and walked away.
SlumSlut
IIRC, it’s against the eBay TOS to sell your own body-parts on their website.