These People Are Selling Their Hair As “Free Meal Tokens”

(Photo credit: eBay/jordymo_3)

(Photo credit: eBay/jordymo_3)

(Photo credit: eBay/jordymo_3)

(Photo credit: eBay/jordymo_3)

Hair in the food happens. We don’t plan it and we don’t like for it to happen and, nine times out of ten, it’s the customer’s own hair. No matter who the hair belongs to, the customer always wants to get their food for free because they think that finding hair in the food is more disgusting than the fact that the cook made their burger mere minutes after blatantly ignoring the “employees must wash hands before returning to work” sign after he took a massive dump that was a direct result of the 7-11 breakfast burrito he had on his way to work.

Well, a couple off asshole students named Jord and Lib, are trying to cash in on that idea. I pretty much hate them and it has nothing do with their names sounding like a holistic brand of soap or a defunct sing duo from the ’70’s. They posted an auction on eBay selling his beard hairs and calling them “free meal tokens.” That’s right, he’s selling hair from his beard so that people can take those hairs, place them in into their food at the restaurant and claim that it came from the kitchen, therefore getting a shot at free food.

“Ever had a meal that you wish you didn’t have to pay for?
Ever wanted a meal that you couldn’t afford?
We have the answer! My beard hair provides the ultimate get out clause..
‘Oi waiter! What’s this f***ing hair in my meal?’
‘Oh I am so sorry sir, it doesn’t look like one of ours, I’ll get it sorted for you.’
A short while later after you’ve finished your meal…‘
We are so sorry for the incident sir, we’ve fully refunded your meal and given you a complimentary voucher to come back again if you wish.’ “

And believe it or not, people have bought them. Jord said, “about ten of my hairs are out on the loose already to get a free meal for someone, but I’ve got plenty more to give.”
Who the fuck bought those nasty-ass, hipster beard hairs? Did they not have hair of their own? Are there that many sufferers of alopecia in this world who are so desperate to to try to get a free meal comped at Applebee’s that they will pay the equivalent of $3.63 for some random hair bought on the Internet?
Someone needs to create a portable, do-it-yourself- DNA kit so that the next time someone tries the ol’ “hair in the food” trick, we can whip that DNA machine out of our apron and pull a Maury Povich on their ass: “You claim that this hair in your 4-cheese mac & cheese with honey chicken tenders is not from you and you want your food for free. The DNA results have confirmed that’s a lie!”

Here is the eBay posting if you want to go check out this bullshit for yourself. The listing is expired, but still. What the fuck?

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