Naked and Afraid at Waffle House

waffle-house-woman-exlarge-169In an effort to stay the klassiest restaurant in all the land, Waffle House has stepped up its game this year. A woman in Kennesaw, Georgia was recently arrested after getting naked and having a little freak out in the middle of her Breakfast All-Star Special. The woman is named Jennifer Nicholson but we may as well call her “Waffle Flower” since she’s so delicate and precious. Reports say she was charged with aggravated battery and criminal damage to property as well as simple battery against a police officer. Waffle Flower hit another woman and also threw plates of food at other customers which is a goddamn shame because that is a total waste of good sausage patties.

I tracked down the Waffle House where the incident occurred (no, I didn’t) to see if I could get more information and I was able to find the waitress from that night. Her name is Betty Jean (totally not…) and she gave me her account of the morning things got naked and scary at Waffle House. This is from Betty Jean (no, it isn’t):

Good Lord, it was awful. I just started working there at the Waffle House a couple of weeks ago. I’m picking up extra shifts, but I mostly work at Doug’s Donuts Diner down the street. I tell you, the clientele there leaves a lot to be desired. It seems like most of them don’t even have teeth. Anyway, it was a Thursday morning and in walks Jennifer. I could tell she wasn’t right from the moment I saw her because her eyes looked all crazy like. You know when you see a woman at the Wal-Mart on Black Friday who is trying to get that last 60” flat screen for $99? She looked like that. Her nostrils were all flared and angry. When she ordered her breakfast, I told her we were outta hash browns and we would be substituting a fruit cup instead. Well, she didn’t like that one bit. The next thing I knew, she was standing in the booth howling at the moon like a werewolf in heat. She ripped off her t-shirt, which was a real shame because it was a nice one. It had a picture of unicorn on it. She didn’t have a bra on and her titties were so saggy that they were laying on the table getting syrup on ‘em. Then she kicked off her flip-flops, took off her koulats and then she pulled her panties off too. That’s when I asked her if she’d rather have an extra pancake instead of the fruit cup but all she did was reach over to the next booth and slap that poor old lady who was just sitting there drinking her coffee. Then she picked up a plate and threw it across the restaurant. “I want my mother fucking hash brown,” she screamed. That’s when I punched out and went right back to Doug’s Donuts Diner and told my boss I will never work anywhere else again. Those Waffle House customers are too crazy.

There you have it, folks. Another tale of a Waffle House gone bad. When will it end? Will Waffle House ever be a place where people can just enjoy a goddamn waffle without having the experience ruined by one of the dregs of society? Only time will tell.

6 thoughts on “Naked and Afraid at Waffle House

  1. Barreleh

    Saw numerous Waffle Houses when traveling in Alabama a few years ago. Had Saturday morning breakfast at one (not willingly, it was my in-laws’ idea). It felt, looked and smelled like something out of the Great Depression.

    1. Kaos

      Many, many years ago (like 1998-ish) an *ex (yay!!!) husband took me to a Waffle House. He was from Podunk, USA AND Waffle House was right behind Shoney’s on his list of “classy” places to eat. We walked in, I looked around for a minute, turned and walked right back out. I’d rather eat at Mc Donald’s which I haven’t eaten at since like 1977 because….ick.

      *He’s an ‘ex’ because he should never have been a ‘current.’ IDK *why* I married him… Over the years I have come to the conclusion it was just because I was a little crazy at the time and I thought a mutual hatred of peas and beans (separate, not like a dish called “Beans&Peas”) was good enough. Note… it is *not* a good thing to base a marriage on. I should have just used him for the sex and moved on… ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

  2. Sharon

    The Waffle House is a great place to go if you are in the middle of doing some huge job. Like, moving into a new house, painting your house, doing your own plumbing repairs.
    Hungry? Still have about 6 more hours of work to do? You don’t have to take a bath and change clothes!!! Just wash your hands and head on down to the Waffle House. You will fit right in. Because as we all know everyone in a Waffle House looks like they just got out of jail. Including the staff.

    This is a true fact. You can google it.

  3. Anna

    *Waffle House does not serve pancakes. That’s why it’s WAFFLE HOUSE. Lol
    So… I live not too far from Kennesaw, and I find this totally embarrassing! Maaaayyybe I’ll reconsider and go to IHOP or Cracker Barrel when I need my greasy breakfast fix.


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