- You crouch down beside the table when you take the order.
- When someone has cleaned their plate you say something goofy like, “Gosh, we won’t even have to send that one through the dishwasher.”
- You sign your checks with a smiley face, flowers, a rainbow or any other kind of cute little drawing.
- When your customer asks you to take their picture, you secretly take a selfie.
- You say “Are you still working on that?” when you want to know if they are finished eating or not.
- You refill their iced tea or coffee before they need it, therefore ruining the perfect balance of their sweetener.
- You interject your opinion into their conversation that you are 100% not a part of.
- You use the word “madame.”
- You hover at the table and ask how everything is every three minutes when you know perfectly well everything is fine but you think that by asking them often it will make them think you’re attentive when really it annoys the fuck out of them and it makes them hate your ass face.Also, you can preorder my book by clicking here.
Donnie
In all of my years serving, and I am an old server, no one has ever criticized my use of “Madame”. But years ago I tried using “Ma’am” and was chastised frequently being told, ” I am no ma’am”. I guess “hey lady” would be the preferred replacement for madame. The places I have served are Paris, San Francisco and Maui.
Brenda
Yes I might stop doing a few of these but nah maybe when they stop shaking and banging cup around because they wanna refill ?
Mara
If you work at a place that plays loud music, crouching is necessary if you want to hear their order. Either that or you are leaning over with your boobs popping out and having to deal with comments about them instead of taking orders.
Zane
The excessive interruptions are necessary. Chances are, the server has noticed that you have finished your, cocktail, free bread, appetizer, salad, entree, or water you have sat down, OR at least one person at your table has had 2 bites of their meal, which is enough time for them to know whether or not the meal is satisfactory. If you are chatting away and not eating when the server comes by to make sure your meal is satisfactory and you haven’t touched it yet, that is your fault and you are probably not going to see that server again until they have finished the same tasks they just performed on your table to the other 3 to 5 tables they are in charge of, so its now or 10 minutes from now for them to fix anything that might be wrong with your meal. That’s how the restaurant business works, if you give them the proper attention and do your part, the service will be surprisingly smooth and care-free compared to your other experiences. The service standard is developed for the average consumer, if you are having a problem with your server quite often, it’s probably your fault.
Jerri
Like this comment.
Cindy shea
#6… I’m fucking busy! I will fly by and grab your drink and refill it. Be great full! I don’t care about your balance that’s for you to figure out lol! People don’t realize that when you offer to refill that might be the only couple seconds the server has. Sorry not sorry!!!
Jen
We are required to do some of the stuff on that list. The crouching thing though I usually don’t do it unless someone has a complicated special order and I am trying to get it right or they are older and hard of hearing so we can hear each other better.
David Cowling
Obtuse, funny spellchecker. How about inobtrusive.
Sophie
That’d be _un_obtrusive…
Tom
also “you’re”
David Cowling
If you grow up in Texas you call women ma’am. It’s a term of respect. I worked for a company than would never let you crouch. I preferred that. They were very strict, smile or your fired kinda place. They trained to intervene at the table as little as possibe, unless it was the guests idea. A gesture with the hand replaced words. It was in obtuse and effective.
Lisa
Once upon a time I read that a study showed wait staff who put the smiley face on their checks generally get bigger tips. Madam sounds pretentious unless you are working in a french restaurant. Still working on that would be better phrased as Excuse me are you finished? Shouldn’t be work to eat your meal.
Donnie
I use “madame” because I learned my trade in France in the early 80’s and have never been comfortable using “ma’am”. For men we have one word which is “sir” to which no one objects. I have never in all of my years serving been criticized for using “madame” but on the rare occasion I have used “ma’am” I have been criticized.
miss kitty
I had one guy object to being called sir. He said he’d never been knighted. So I said “Alright mister, whattaya want?” He laughed and became one of my favourite regulars.
Samantha
2..When someone has cleaned their plate you say something goofy like, “Gosh, we won’t even have to send that one through the dishwasher.”
Haha, I’ll stop saying that if you stop pointing to your empty plate and saying, “That was horrible.”
Bekah
Yes! That is the worst joke off all times. Every customer thinks they are soo clever and they just came up with it themselves. I hear it at least 3 times a shift.
Jenna
most restaurants I’ve worked at we have been required to crouch and get them new drinks when theirs are half empty and constantly pre bus.
Kenny Ray
I always ask custs if they are still working? I wait until im sure theyre done though
sam
In defence of the crouching at tables thing, I am 6’4 and when I used to work as a waiter in a noisy environment half the time I simply wouldn’t hear people so I would crouch at the table to be able to get there order.
Aly
I used to work with a guy who was really tall, like 6’6″ or so. He crouched, which we were not supposed to do. When one of the managers approached him to ask him not to do it anymore, he led her to an empty table and asked her to sit down. He then stood right next to her at the approach point and asked her what was in her face. Obviously, it was his crotch. Just right there at perfect eye level. No one ever mentioned the crouching to him again.
Jen
?
Natasha
The “crotchening”.
Julie
Baaahahaha
wentra
I do hate it when the wait person crouches by the table and never understand why they do that. It is also very annoying to be deep in a conversation with my companion, only to be interrupted unnecessarily, when a quick and quiet walk-by would clue the staff member in on whether we needed something. I sometimes think they are being nosy.
Sharon
@ #2
Once my husband and I were at Cheddar’s and husband ate every bite of his food. When the waiter came to take the plates away he said, “Well! You swabbed the deck on that one!”
After Mr. waiter left, husband said, “Wait… did he just call me a pig?”
That was about 25 years ago and we still laugh about it to this day. We tell the grandsons, “Swab the deck on those vegetables, boy!”
C
Swabbed the deck? Sounds like he called your husband a pirate or some kind of mate? 🙂 Seems cute to me.
Mel
This would seem a good accompaniment to this blog post:
https://notalwaysright.com/10-types-of-restaurant-customers-we-all-know-and-hate/48621
Jon
Some of those are on the cusp. But there are some additions to most that are missing. 1. Stand too close to customers when taking orders. 5. (Napkin’s on plate, cutlery together). Not asking if they’re finished. 6. Not automatically refilling the same. 7. Customers asking your opinion then being unhappy that you don’t agree with them (they pay for you to agreeable). 8. Not using the proper ‘honorific’ or even knowing their name. 9. Not being attentive to every whim, wish, desire, spill, mishap …… etc.
boobiemcgee
What’s funny is most restaurants REQUIRE them to do most of what’s on that list.
Noxy
Pretty sure crouching/squatting isn’t required.
It’s annoying af to other servers as well.
I worked with a dude who did this allll the time. Finally, another server (she was pretty stupid in general though) tripped over his big ass foot and her tray of drinks went -everywhere-. It was kinda lol, but the GM was pretty pissed.
Victoria
When I worked at Outback we were actually strongly encouraged to sit down at the table with the customers when greeting/ taking orders, but if we didn’t feel comfortable with that (I know that I sure as hell didn’t!) we better at least crouch down by the table or get screamed at by management.
Julie
Yeah, I do not like servers sitting at the table w me. If I wanted there I would ask them to join me and my friends with our mesl, which I didnt so…
Amy
Worked at outback for years also. Hated crouching down or sitting with customers. Heck now I probably would not be able to get up. Lol
Christine
Same experience with outback!!! I did not think it was appropriate. The only time I would crouch of lean closer to eye level is when I really couldn’t hear their order otherwise.
Corie
EXACTLY.
California Girl
That last one happened the other day. Between the waitress & the Manager, my GF & I were continually interrupted throughout the meal. I felt guilty because I felt annoyed but I feel better now.
Raichu
I don’t see the problem with #5?? Also #3 doesn’t bug me but at least I can see how that might bug some people. I think it depends on the restaurant too.
The rest all make sense, but…asking if you’re finished with your food so you can bus the plate…how is that annoying? It’s part of the job.
Lo
It’s not. It’s the way they asked, the wording used – “still working on that”? Ugh. So classless and annoying. Tacky tacky tacky.
lynn
so much better: may I take that for you?
Carlos el vato
Not every restaurant is the same if you go to a diner next to the subway in the city you won’t be spoken to with a 5* restaurant lingo. If you want to be spoken to like you’re some kind of celebrity then go to a 5* restaurant and stfu … If they ask you in that context they are being more friendly not uneducated.
Carlos el vato
Not every restaurant is the same if you go to a diner next to the subway in the city you won’t be spoken to with a 5* restaurant lingo. If you want to be spoken to like you’re some kind of celebrity then go to a 5* restaurant and stfu … If they ask you in that context they are being more friendly not uneducated.