As 2015 gasps for its last wheezing breath, we have one more entry for Asshole Customer of the Year. We don’t have a lot of details about it, but thankfully, we do have video and isn’t that all we really need? It happened at a Denny’s in an unknown town but it matters not since whenever you walk into Denny’s it feels exactly the same no matter what part of the country you’re in. The video is all kinds of excellent.
Here is the breakdown: some (alleged) skanky, drunk, gutter whore is cursing too loudly which offends another guest who then asks the waitress to ask the manager to ask them to simmer down. It all goes downhill from there resulting in broken glass, name-calling, racial tension, the cops being called and the exposing of a super classy tramp stamp.
I have watched the video about 100 times and want to discuss some of my favorite bits, second by second:
0:01 The offended customer tells the manager that her husband is black and she does appreciate the apparent use of the “n-word” coming from the table beside her.
0:14 When the manager goes tot he wrong table, both the customer and her waitress signal for him to go to the table closer to them. This is the first chance we see the waitress getting really into it.
0:22 Our drunk superstar expresses her need for more marinara, specifically asking for “at least three” because we know this chick is one of those customers who wants everything they can get that they don’t have to pay for. In the background, we hear the waitress saying she will get it because she really wants to be a part of this thing.
0:28 A moment of total professionalism from the manager.
0:40 This is the moment that her date realizes he is hooking up with one fucked up chick. She claims that her heritage lets her say whatever the fuck she wants.
0:55 The waitress returns with two marinaras which is exactly the reason why she will be getting a shitty tip since they asked for at least three.
0:59 We now learn that this girl is black since her mother is half black and her grandfather is black. This, she says, is what allows her to say whatever the fuck she wants. She cares not for forty acres and/or a mule. She is more focused on being able to spew profanity at a Denny’s.
1:07 The waitress is again all into it; we can see her hand waving and her head shaking. This girls wants to be a part of this so bad. This is also when they are told to leave.
1:15 Poring water onto the table is fun, but the waitress takes the glasses away right quick because she is a part of this!
1:26 Shattered glass is fun! And our waitress makes the best decision of the night by saying, “we need to call the cops.”
1:37 Now we see how drunk this girl really is. She probably had far too many kamikaze shots or buttery nipples because when she stands up, she can barely do it.
1:41 We learn her name is Ashley (of course it is…) and we also see her boyfriend begging then to not call the cops. It is also the moment that he begins to mentally practice his breakup speech.
1:43 Bitch eats the floor and when she gets up up we can see, in all its glory, the beauty of her tramp stamp.
1:55 Our waitress crosses her arms and stands guard in front of her customer. She is the hero of the day, y’all. She cares about her customers and is not scared to put her own life on the line.
2:05 One last pearl of wisdom from the drunk, pancake eating, slime bag when she slurs out, “Bitch, fuck you. You need to fucking grow up.”
2:19 We see one of her friends attempting to apologize to the manager. We can’t hear what he says, but it’s probably something like, “She says she’s black, but we totally don’t want her.”
Thank you, Ashley, for starring in such a perfect video. Your parents must be so proud.
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