Every now and again, I will take six seconds out of my time at work to create a video that I look at as a Public Service Awareness event. Such was the case last week when I did a video simply asking people to say “please” and “thank you” when dining out in a restaurant. I suggested that by using such simple manners, it could get them better service because servers are more apt to go out of their way for customers who are genuinely nice to them. I posted the video to the Bitchy Waiter Facebook page thinking it would be a harmless piece of advice and never expected anyone to have a problem with it. Boy, was I wrong.
Some man named John really took offense to it. He posted dozens of comments about the video and me specifically, insulting not only my profession, but my physical appearance. Perhaps posting comment after comment on a Facebook page is John’s way of compensating for a vey small penis and it’s how he fulfills himself. Many people say that I can dish it out, but can’t take it when someone is mean to me. The truth is, I can take it, but I have a bigger platform to respond to the insults. (I also have a bigger penis.)
This is John’s first comment:
Alright John, I do not have a ”Jew fro.” I’m not even Jewish, you stupid schmuck. Speaking like a bitch is just the way I speak. Actually, I write like a bitch more than I speak like one, but neither causes patrons to make fun of me. You may think I’m fucking stupid, buy you’re the dumbass if you thought you could say these things about me and not expect some type of retaliation. I wonder what, in the six-second video, shows that I am a vindictive gay man. Reminding people to say “please” and “thank you” is by no means vindictive. Vindictive would be me spending an hour on a blog post to say what an asshole you are.
Then, John showed he has no reading skills:
Ummm, this page is called The Bitchy WAITER, not “bartender.” And it’s cute how you stress that you’re not gay and have nothing against gay people. Are you sure you’ve never had anything against a gay man? Like maybe your micro-penis against the buttocks of some young stud after the two of you had a few too many beers in your mom’s basement? Me thinks John doth protest too much because, based on his profile, he works at a gentleman’s club surrounded by tits because, you know, he’s super straight.
Later on, when someone wanted to know why I don’t just go get another job, John popped up again to squirt out some more thoughts:
Now John is assuming I’m uneducated and have no other choices in life because that must be the only reason anyone would ever choose to wait tables. His argument is ironic since he himself also waits tables. And then goes back to calling me vindictive but this time he also calls me small. John, I am 5’ 9” and, while not tall, I’m not small either. The only thing small here is that teeny tiny Vienna sausage of a penis you have in your underwear. Okay, it may be wrong of me to assume your penis is small and that you are dealing with some kind of Napoleon Syndrome that leads to aggressive multiple postings and that this is your way of showing the world you have some type of power, but I’m gonna go ahead and go with that assumption.
In an attempt to justify his rants, he then posts something to let us all know that he is in the industry:
Dickless John, if you are getting paid in figs, you work for a shitty company. At least you should ask for Fig Newtons.
I don’t know about anyone else, but what John is doing seems exactly like airing his bitchiness out on Facebook. I would suggest that he stop airing out his bitchiness and try airing out his asshole instead which is quite possibly stuffed full of figs. No one wants a figgy asshole, John.
Eventually, John stopped posting. We can only assume that he either got tired of saying the same thing over and over again or that his own ass swallowed him whole. I vote for the former because his asshole was probably too busy trying to get away from the ass to which it was attached. With any luck, his asshole made its escape and is now safely ensconced in a foster home free of figs and able to do what it wants. Meanwhile, John is back at work at the titty bar hoping that if he stare sat enough naked breasts, his penis will grow to the size of a roll of Lifesavers.
Fuck you, John. And thanks for being one if the 242,152 people who follow my Facebook page.