I do have a name.
Dear Customer,
I have a name. I may not give it to you every time you sit in my section and I may not wear a name tag that tells you what it is, but I can assure you that my name is not “Diet Coke.” It is not “More Coffee” and it is not “Come Here.” When I walk past you and you are need of something, a simple tilt of your head and making eye contact with me should be enough to alert me. If you know my name, feel free to use it. If you don’t know it, and I don’t necessarily expect that you would, you can say, “excuse me” or perhaps you can say, “pardon me, waiter.” What you should not say is, “water.” That’s not my name. I don’t call you “Hurry Up” or “Tip Me” or “Goddammit, You’re Fucking Annoying The Hell Out of Me,” do I? No, I don’t. I call you “sir” or “ma’am” or “miss” because it’s polite.
Also, when I first go up to your table and say hello and ask you how you’re doing, you are not doing “bread.” You may be doing fine, okay, great, alright, good, so-so or terrific, but you’re not doing “bread.” You’re not doing “I need more time” either. Those are not states of being. Those are needs and they should be used with other words like “please” and “thank you.” It’s called having manners.
Yes, I am your waiter and I am here to serve you. It is, by nature, a job of subservience, but it does not give you the right to treat me as if I am your own personal robot servant who has no feelings, no respect and no fucking name. We don’t have to introduce ourselves to each other in order to have a healthy 45 minute relationship as you cram food into your mouth and I bring you ketchup, mayonnaise, napkins, more napkins and a refill of Diet Coke on five separate trips. Names aren’t essential for this transaction. All I ask is that you don’t call me “Hey” or “You” or “I Need…” We’re not best friends and I don’t need to see you on Facebook or know the last four digits of your social security number. I just want us to be friendly to each other. If we use names, that’s great. If not, that’s fine too.
But if you call me “Diet Coke” one more time, I will call you “Fucking Asshole.”
Mustard and mayo,
The Bitchy Waiter
Emma
I want, I need, get me and give me used to drive me mad. What’s wrong with people saying hi, I would like or please can I get.
Mmp
I gave up and started getting drink orders first. I’m in casual dining currently, I wouldn’t dream of doing it this way in fine dining.
I just say, “Hello, what can I get everyone to drink? Alright, well my name is —–, and I’ll be right back with that.”
If they give a vibe that they actually care or that they’re a little more formal I introduce myself first.
Frances
But please do not tell me your name is “susan if you need anything”. That seems to me to indicate your name is something else if I do not need anything. My name is “Susan”. If your customers cannot figure out the rest-it would not matter what you told them.
Nataliegilg
Advertise your name nonchalantly…unless you serve fine dining..it’s not appropriate
Lynn Bagdon
One of my biggest pet peaves is when I approach a table and Say, “Hi how are you? What would you like to drink?” The reply is, “soup?” My response to that is,’ Would you like Soup to drink?” That usually straightens them out…… LOL
#ONTHEFLY
Recently, I haven’t been as concerned about formalities or even manners…My main concern is if people even pay! There’s been an increased amount of people (from [ahem] Oakland) running after being presented their check…I am left with the options to either pay it or get written up. If I choose the write up, I still have to pay the tax, and the amount is still counted while calculating tip-out. It sucks to profile people, but it sucks more to treat total strangers to dinner and drinks…
Ciara
This actually drives me nuts. “Gimme…” and “I’m gonna do…” followed by no please or thank you also winds me up. What happened to good manners?
Micaela
In Argentina we are not used to tell the patrons our name but people doesn’t need to know your name to be polite! “Excuse me, miss” should be enough. Brazilian patrons are the worst, they usually grab your arm seeking for attention and I think that’s a patron’s RUDEST behavior
Mangler
Sometimes I’d go a shift, or a week, and not tell anyone my name. I wanted to see how many people would ask eventually. Usually 4/5 tables would get around to it.
FormerRestaurantManager
Finger-snapping, whistling, clapping, and raising hands (what is this, the 6th-effing grade?); I think I have seen it all as a server and later a manager, directed to myself, my coworkers, and my employees. Restaurant employees work hard to offer an experience, to earn your tip, and ultimately to pay their bills. Don’t treat them like dirt, even the occasional bad ones. And whatever you do, don’t yell or curse at an employee; in my restaurant, that was the quickest way to find yourself outside of it.
Holly
Honestly I am leary of giving patrons my name for fear the cheap tippers will request me on a regular basis lol.
TheSway
Oh Em Gee, I almost snorted water out of my nose! I try to avoid the cheap regulars but they seem to love me. They will start flailing their arms when they walk in the door. Sometimes I try to act like I don’t see them, but they hunt me down to ask where my section is (we are open seating). No, I do not want your $2.00-$4.00 tip. GO AWAY!!
Robin
Darling BW. If I am not told what my servers name is when I sit down and they dont have a name tag, how should they be addressed?
Now, dont get me wrong; I would ask my server their name because I am all familiar like that. But it wouldnt be a big deal.
I also would not be suprised in the least if I was dining and a server was called diet coke. Have you heard the names people are giving kids nowadays?
😉
FormerRestaurantManager
Your first point was addressed by BW in the blog post. Just call your server by sir/ma’am/miss or waiter. Love your 3rd line.
The Bitchy Waiter
Touche.
McKenna
This goes for Hosts too. As soon as a party walks in and I say “hi! How are you?” I’m sure you’re not feeling “2” or “where’s your bathroom?” It’s my job to assist you in every matter of course but that doesn’t mean you should forget your manners.
anne marie
loving the new blog template, BTW! a server is not also called “honey”, “sweetie”, “babe”, “sexymama”, or “bitch”.
most people have no fucking manners these days!
Mrs. D
Please don’t hate my 85 year old father for calling you “Love”. He dines alone now since my mother passed away a few years ago, and he means no harm. Mom was English, everyone was called “Love”, “Dear”, or some other term of endearment, and he picked it up in their 50+ years of marriage. =)
Traci
LOVE IT!!!
Kristin
love it when i walk up to a table say hello and begin to introduce myself… when someone looks up at me by only moving there eyes and orders a drink while i am still talking… I keep talking and when i am done, i ask if anyone would like something to drink then make eye contact with someone else. what is wrong with people… makes me want to tell them to have sone manners!!!
Just A Poor Server
I’ve done it where I’ll go up, introduce myself (although who are we kidding, they will NEVER remember my name. I love being called the ‘curly haired guy’ whenever my table asks for me), and ask how they are doing. If they interrupt me before I even begin talking, I’ll wait until they are done and then I’ll say “Oh by the way, my name is ‘so-and-so’ and continue on. I haven’t been nice about it either. Had a few guests react negatively to that and all I say is “I just want you to know my name so I can further help your dining experience.” It’s like…none of us WANT to do the whole spiel at the beginning, but we have to, so let us get through it and we’ll have a nice time.