Calling all entitled parents who believe their children should be allowed to do anything and everything their little hearts desire: a restaurant in Harlem might not want your little snot-nosed brats all up in their pizza place. According to DNAinfo, a woman had her reservation canceled when Bad Horse Pizza learned that her party of 12 would include up to 9 children. Servers around the country were releasing an audible sigh of “thank you.” So what did this angry mom do when her reservation was cancelled? She went to the Internet to complain about it of course and she did so at a parent listserve called Harlem4Kids. She wrote, “They basically said that they don’t want a lot of kids or parties in their restaurant. I told them that it wasn’t a party, that we were coming there after the movies, but they still said no.” From what I gather, Bad Horse Pizza is a rather upscale, linen napkin and tablecloth kind of place. In other words, it ain’t no Chuck E. Cheese, honey. Bad Horse Pizza owner John Kandel explained that it isn’t that they have a policy about no kids but instead it’s on a case-by-case basis. If the reservation is during a high peak time, he’d rather have nine adults in those seats instead of nine children. Let’s be honest. Nine kids are not going to spend as much money as nine adults and restaurants are in the business to make money, contrary to what many people may believe. Kandel also said, “A few weeks ago a kid was standing on his chair with his shirt off and I didn’t say anything. Over time I’ve had to tailor what I do because some people let their kids treat my store really disrespectfully by standing on stuff, pulling on curtains and wiping bloody noses with my napkins.” Everyone please bow down to John Kandel. And can someone find the mom who thought it was fine for her kid to stand on a chair shirtless so we can smack her up against the side of her head?
Of course there are people who are going to want to start a protest and whine that children are being discriminated against, but I say let’s throw a fucking parade for John Kandel so more people will know about this restaurant where kids don’t rule the roost. Aren’t there plenty of diners out there who would love to go to a restaurant if they could be guaranteed that they won’t be sitting next to a wailing toddler crying for more crayons and tokens for the Whack-A-Mole? (This ain’t no Chuck E,. Cheese, honey.) I said it on the Dr. Phil Show and I’ll say it again. If there are hundreds and hundreds of restaurants that don’t care how many kids you have hanging off your teats, then there should be just a few restaurants that say, “we’d rather you leave your children at home with a babysitter so you and all of our customers can have an adult night out.” I don’t see anything wrong with that. And let’s not forget that Bad Horse Pizza didn’t flat out ban kids. They just said that from an economic stand point, at certain times it would be better if they had more adults in their restaurant and fewer asshole babies.
I went to the Bad Horse Pizza Facebook page and praised them for standing up to parents who don’t know how to handle their children. Feel free to do so as well. You know at any moment some Mommy Brigade is going to full out attack him so we want to make sure that they know some of us out here applaud his decision. Honestly, I wish there was a way to satisfy everyone and I think I have a solution. If we must let misbehaved children into a restaurant, would it be wrong to offer parent simple cages to keep the child in? It will be for the safety of the child, really. We don’t want to risk that the poor little angel is wandering around the restaurant and gets caught under a server’s legs who is carrying a big tray of food. The cage can have a nice blanket in the bottom of it for extra comfort and of course there would be a feeding gate. I think we have come up with the solution! Cages for everyone!