If You Spill Something in a Restaurant, Don’t Do This

Don't be a rude bitch

Don’t be a rude bitch

Once upon a time there was a Stroller Mom From Hell who thought the world revolved around her and her alone. Her offspring was pushed around all day in a stroller that was bigger than many New York City studio apartments and she never ever worried that it was taking up too much space at public places. One day, she went into a restaurant with her gigantic stroller. She loved going to restaurants because it allowed her to pretend that she was very important as she ordered her waitress around. Her favorite restaurant to go to was one where the servers had to wear stupid hats on their heads.

“I like it here, because the waiters are dressed like little trained monkeys,” she said. “Look at their cute little vests and those stupid ties, the poor things!” She laughed and tossed her hair that smelled like Pantene.

Into the restaurant she went, pushing her stroller with her child walking beside it.

“Mommy, I wanna sit in my stroller,” it whined.

“Well, I’m very sorry, but your stroller is full of Mommy’s Victoria’s Secret bags and the stuff I just bought at Home Goods, so you’re just going to have to walk.”

The stroller was also filled with every imaginable toy, three days worth of diapers, two blankets, a change of clothes for both her and her child, her purse, some bottled waters, snacks and a partridge in a fucking pear tree. Once the mom parked at the table, she asked for a high chair even though she knew she was going to let the little hellion run free around the restaurant. In a feeble attempt to control her child, she ordered him a Coke and then poured some Goldfish crackers onto the tray of the stroller. She also had two bottled waters sitting on the tray because there was no room on the table for it since her iPad and a Woman’s Day magazine were taking up valuable space.

“Just stand there by your stroller and eat your crackers. Mommy has to update her Facebook status and she also needs to play Candy Crush. Be quiet and be good.”

The child quickly tired of eating Goldfish crackers and being ignored by his mother so he began to wander around the table.

“Get back next to your stroller, Benedict! One hand on it at all times!”

“No!” he yelled.

“Don’t make me count!”

“No!”

“Three…two,” she began. “One! That’s it.”

Mom got up and walked towards her Benedict brat and he immediately ran back towards his stroller. She tried to cut him off but in doing so, she knocked over the stroller, spilling the two bottles of water and the large Coke.

“My Victoria’s Secret!” she shrieked. She rushed over and picked up her bags of lingerie as well as the two candle holders that she had purchased from Home Goods. (They were plastic but made to look like crystal and they were going to look beautiful on her next Thanksgiving tablescape.)

The floor was huge mess. She put Benedict into his high chair and snapped her fingers at her waitress.

“Hi, I need this to be cleaned up. My son spilled. I like your hat.”

The waitress looked at the floor with its mix of water and Coca-Cola slowing spreading across the tiles. She looked back at the mother who was pulling her iPhone from her fake Micheal Kors purse.

“Oh, and I’m ready to order.”

The waitress sighed, adjusted her tie and pushed her styrofoam hat higher off her forehead. “Okay, lemme go get something to mop this up with.”

“Oh, and I’m ready to order,” the mom repeated.

The waitress shuffled off to the kitchen.

“Oh, how rude,” the mom said. ‘She didn’t even let me order.”

Two minutes later, the waitress reappeared with a roll of paper towels and began the arduous task of cleaning up something that was not her responsibility at all. And what did the mother do? She took fucking pictures of the mess, including a selfie, and sent it to Facebook so all the world could see what a lazy disrespectful person she is to those who work in restaurants. She even added the cute little comment, “My mess I made at Farrell’s today!:)”

rude

rude

rude

rude

rude

rude

rude

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Well, eventually, those pictures floated over to a blogger by the name of The Bitchy Waiter and he decided to live up to his name and share those photos for even more to see. If you make a huge mess in a restaurant, if you’re not going to offer to help clean it up, the least you can do is not taking a fucking picture of it. It’s rude. And mean.

The mom carried on for the rest of the day, oblivious to her unkind ways. No one ever knew if she saw the error in her ways. She probably didn’t but maybe some day she will. Particularly if enough people like this blog post so that eventually she will see it and think, “Oh, yeah…maybe that wasn’t very nice of me.”

This is a fictionalized account of what I think could have happened, based on the photos that were sent to me.

30 thoughts on “If You Spill Something in a Restaurant, Don’t Do This

  1. Joe

    Should the woman offered to help clean up the mess? Fuck yeah!
    I had a couple come in with their probably 7 year old boy. The parents ordered dinner, but since little Johnny or whateverhisname was had already eaten earlier, they allowed him to have a brownie topped with chocolate syrup and a large glass of milk.
    After wolfing down the brownie and chugging the glass of milk, the parents allowed him a second go at it, and ordered another round of milk and brownie.
    Little Johnny scarfed the second brownie, and gulped down another large glass of milk.

    Totally by surprise, a few minutes later Johnny announces he doesn’t feel so good. The kid looked green and sweaty. Mom suggested johnny head for the bathroom.
    Johnny then started with the urp, urp, urp shit and ran for the bathroom. He got the door open, and made it just a foot shy of the toilet before his stomach erupted.
    Mom hears Johnny heaving his guts up, and goes to help.
    She comes out of the restaurant hallway, and tells us Johnny had a little accident in the restroom.

    The next thing I saw almost caused me to start yakking as well. It looked like someone had taken 3 bustubs full of soaking food and garbage, dyed it with chocolate syrup, and heaved it at the toilet.
    There was puke all over the floor, and the commode looked like it had been blasted with high power projectile vomiting.
    God only knows when the last time this kid took a shit was, but it appeared his stomach must have been impacted for days. I swear there had to be a 5 gallon bucket of puke spread everywhere.

    I grabbed a large metal dust pan, a large squeegee, plus the mop and mop bucket and proceeded to the bathroom all the while with Mom and Dad watching.
    Neither of them got up, nor offered to help clean up the mess their precious Johnny had erupted all over the place.
    No apology, no I’m sorry we let our kid eat two fucking brownies covered in chocolate goo, followed by a whole cow full of milk.
    Nothing. Nada. Not even a hint of embarrassment.

    And to top the whole fucking experience off, they stiffed us on the tip.
    God, I hate people.

    Reply
  2. Chelsea

    The audacity of humans now a days makes me sick. apparently little miss ray of fucking sunshine has had everything handed to her, and doesn’t know what its like to have to work for a living, people like this are part of the reason i hate the human race. She needs a hard kick in her teeth by that one thing….. whats it called… oh yeah its called REALITY. I pray that this woman loses everything she has, and has to start over completely, with a minimum wage job, one that makes her look like a trained little monkey, just to start digging her way back to the top or wherever she thinks she is. Hope someone slaps her off her high horse.. i mean, look at her, this girl isnt even cute, pretty, not even okay looking, i mean come on, she looks like sloth off of the goonies. smh

    Reply
  3. SkippyMom

    Douchcanoe of the nth degree. wow.

    I was sorry this was fictionalized tho’ – it brought a little ray of sunshine to my bitter heart that Farrells might actually exist, somewhere, some place on this planet.

    I miss Farrells.

    Reply
  4. Squandarlo

    Man, here’s what you do when you make a mess: Go up to someone that works there that looks the least busy, ask them if you could borrow a mop and apologize for making a mess. Mop that shit up yourself and give the mop back. You make a mess, you clean it up.

    Sometimes they will insist on mopping it up themselves, but at least you gave them the choice, instead of barking “CLEAN UP MY MESS, PEASANT!” at them. Sheesh.

    Reply
      1. Jessi

        In the south, children are more well behaved than this. I’ve never come across something like the various situations described in this blog.

        However, once while working at a pizza place, a child (who was already ill, had stayed home from school, and had somehow talked his dad into getting him pizza) vomited all over the lobby of our store. One of the delivery guys brought out a mop bucket and the dad took the mop from him, proceeded to clean up the mess, and gave it back. He apologized for the smell of vomit and bleach, got his food, and left very quickly. If your kid makes a mess, it’s your responsibility to clean it up. I don’t care where you are.

        Reply
  5. Holly

    I can’t count how many customers that have behaved this baldly over the course of 35 years, but the selfie takes it over the top! I love that I work for a Cat that would love to stand back and watch me handle this tart! It is unfortunate that she has been allowed to breed!!!

    Reply
      1. Suzie

        There are breeders, and there are parents.. I think there’s a distinction. The actions of this one determined which group she ended up in.

        Reply
          1. Reginald Van Der Slythe III

            If she’s not helping clean up the mess she made because she’s too busy taking pictures of it and posting it to Facebook, we can make some safe assumptions, I believe.

            Now, back on your noble steed, o glorious White Knight, for there are other maidens out there for you to “rescue”! Hie thee off!

  6. McKinsey

    And on the way out the door, God showed he had a sense of humor and compassion for servers by blasting the bitch with lightning into the path of an oncoming bus where she landed face down in a pile of manure from a handsome cab. The end.

    Reply
  7. anne marie

    what an entitled bitch! guess she has maids at home to clean up after her and her crotchfruit. and snapping her fingers at the server? bitch please!

    Reply
    1. Jen Rose

      Remember that “This is a fictionalized account of what I think could have happened, based on the photos that were sent to me.”

      Reply
      1. Mellie

        Hey, you don’t see her snapping ‘selfies’ of herself down there helping out…so I’m figuring, with her snide smile, while that poor girl is on the floor cleaning up her mess, the spiller is a bitch of the biggest kind…a picture is worth a thousand words.

        Reply

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