Worlds’s Most Desperate Blogger (and It’s Not Me)

sarah-lockhard

Desperate blogger, Sarah Lockard

I call myself a blogger and I am the first one to admit that I shamelessly promote myself almost to the point of nausea. It’s not easy being a D-List blogger and craving to be on the C-List. This week, another D-List blogger stooped even lower than I ever have (not really) and did something that I have never thought of doing. I don’t know if she makes me sick with her self-serving needs or if I have a severe case of the envy’s since I didn’t think of it first.

A woman named Sarah Lockhard (see photo) runs a website called AroundMainLine.com which has its own Facebook page with 5,074 followers and Twitter account with 9,600 followers. This week, Sarah decided that rather than cook her own Christmas Eve dinner or go out and pay for one with her own money, she would send out an email to Philadelphia restaurants and give them the chance to host her family for dinner in exchange for some really awesome perks. Here is the email she sent out:

From: Sarah Lockard
Date: December 9, 2013 at 9:17:32 PM EST
To: undisclosed-recipients:;
Subject: Host the Awesome Lockards on Christmas Eve!

Good Evening!!!

Every Christmas Eve my family enjoys an amazing night dining out and this year I am offering you the exciting opportunity to be our restaurant that hosts us!

The host restaurant will receive approximately $1,000 in PR with AML:

1) 2 Facebook posts on AML’s Facebook page promoting t (sic)

2) 5 instagram photos during the dining experience

3) 2 AML enewsletter (sic) ads in Jan and Feb 2014 (reaches over 3,000 unique individuals)

4) listed in our Christmas Eve dining guide published Dec 10th, 2013 on AML.

We are asking for the following in turn:

Dinner for 5 drinks and food compensated, we will tip according to the value to the server.

This is a VERY innovative and effective way to promote your restaurant on this very competitive evening and reach tens of thousands of local foodies through AML’s channels.

Please note this is first come, first serve.

I am excited to hear from you!

Be THE top restaurant we recommend this Christmas Eve to our HUGE audience!!!!

Your friend,
Sarah

So let me get this straight. Sarah thinks that her massive audience of social media followers is enough to influence restaurant owners to give her and her family of five free dinner and drinks on Christmas Eve when chances are pretty good that every restaurant open on Christmas Eve will already be packed? She claims it’s approximately $1000 worth of free PR, but I don’t see how that adds up.

  • Two posts on her Facebook page of over 5000 people but only has 63 people “talking about it.” That means that no one gives a shit about your Facebook page, Sarah. Worth: $10.
  • Five Instagram photos as they eat, like anyone wants to see some amateur food porn of a slice of ham covered in gravy. If anyone wants to see that, they can go look at Kim Kardashian’s Instagram and admire anyone of her endless selfies. Worth: $5.00
  • Two ads in her “enewsletter” which is probably an email that goes right into a spam folder. Worth: $2.00.
  • Listed in her Christmas Eve dining guide to be published December 10th, 2013 on her website but if it was going to be listed on December 10th and she sent the email out on December 9th at 9:17 PM, I hope those restaurants snapped up their golden opportunity. Worth: -$17.00.

Grand total of worth: ZERO.

I just love how she refers to her family as “awesome” like that will make restaurant owners want to pour free booze down their awesome throats. And her use of exclamation points makes my eyes hurt!! At least she mentions the tip, but it’s a bit vague, don’t you think? I don’t know what tipping “according to the value to the server” even means, but I have a feeling it’s not good. Since the whole thing was a first come, first serve chance, who knows who the lucky winner was. According to reports, she has not responded to comments and I can’t imagine that anyone took her up on the offer.

However, if they did, please read following:

Hey, my name is Bitchy Waiter and I want your restaurant to host me for a Christmas Eve cocktail. All you have to do is pour me drinks until I am sufficiently buzzed and in that perfect place between a happy drunk and a mean one. In exchange for the cocktails, I will drunk-live-Tweet about it and then put  a picture of myself on my Facebook page trying to hold in a burp after my seventh margarita. I’m not awesome, but my hair is!!! I will not put any ads up on my page because I don’t really know how to do that but I do promise to not throw up in your bathroom. First come, first serve but I’m not limited to just one restaurant. I can go to however many are are willing to supply me with drinks. (The later in the evening it goes, the less I am willing to stand behind that whole “I promise to not throw up in your bathroom” thing.)

I am excited to hear from you!

25 Responses to Worlds’s Most Desperate Blogger (and It’s Not Me)

  1. oh dear bob, this entitled bitch lives nearby. just cause she lives “on the main line” doesn’t mean her shit don’t stink. if ANY restaurant falls for this gig, they will be the laughingstock of philly.

    I like your “ad” better, BW! :)

  2. Marsha says:

    The entitlement displayed in this woman’s plea is absolutely appalling.

    One can only hope that NO ONE takes her up on this.

    I am disgusted.

  3. hannah says:

    LMFAO!!! “if anyone wants to see a slice of ham covered in gravy, they can just go to kim kardashians instagram!!” OMG!! hilarious!

  4. mo says:

    What restaurant in their right mind would ever do this? Give away hundreds of dollars for free?

  5. Scargosun says:

    Never in my life did I think that BW would focus on someone I know. :) She was a year behind me in HS. That’s all I am going to say…

  6. cheryl says:

    I had had gotten that in my e-mail, i would agree to it then present her with a bill at the end of the evening, this is not only the most “nervy” thing i have ever read it is also screams “I am the ultimate cheapskate” don’t expect a tip if she sits in your section

  7. Dacae says:

    Maybe she could use her “pull” (I just giggled a little bit after typing that) to solicit free meals for the underprivileged? Just a thought…

  8. Geoff Burkman says:

    I’m thinking that Chez Mickey is about her speed, and even then she getting over on them.

  9. Dana McManus says:

    Bitchy, I would be happy to host your Christmas Buzz-A-Thon at my home here in sunny Murrells Inlet, SC. :)

  10. Kathy Bishop says:

    Hey, she gave it whirl. What’s there to lose? Really lame, though. However…your offer, and your hair, is brilliant and I hope you get a lot of invitations. Happy and safe holiday drinking to you and yours.

  11. Samantha says:

    Wow.. I have never heard of thos lady so I clicked on the ink to see what her site is about… And its sad… The only time people comment or discuss anything she posts is if theres a “give away” HA! I even checked out the dining and food section of her website and still, NO COMMENTS for any review or suggestion.. Ihope any restaurant she emailed does the same… Hosting a BW night out would be way more of a hit! People actually ENJOY what you have to say!

    • JP says:

      Wait, if she doesn’t do reviews on her site then why does anyone give a crap about some random email. I am sure there’s been ten times worse a hundred times over.

  12. Tracy Nick says:

    All you need are a few exclamation points!!! Anytime you’re in the panhandle we will gladly host you at Nick’s on the Beach in Santa Rosa Beach, FL. Our open season is February – November. We are a family restaurant, and we all love your blog!

  13. jenbjen says:

    I think I ‘MAY’ know of a place that would be willing to give away food for free.

    The Soup Kitchen.

  14. WhiteRussian says:

    just recently had a time of my life waiting on mayor of our fine town – matter fact, mayor and all the best and brightest fucked up people who got more money than they know what to do with and own half a town. with them being a party of 7 i was to get 20% gratuity that gets added to all parties of 6 or more.

    the richest asshole went to the manager giving him the card asking to make sure i’d get no more than 15%. oh well. just keep getting rich, fucktard. cover up your eyes with it.

    i guess that’d be an example of tipping “accordingly”.

  15. The805Waitron says:

    We had a doctor that would pull something similar to this. He would come in with these large pharma parties and then run them for all their worth. Good times for the server, for sure. What wasn’t such good times was when he came in with his family. He’d often request free meals for his family of six (prime steakhouse, not a cheap comp) because he brought in these large pharma parties. Usually, we acquiesced. Still, what a cheap asshole. Eats for free on Pfizer’s bill, then eats for free on ours. Drove a 70 thousand dollar Mercedes with a Jesus fish decal.

  16. Lulu BAgdon says:

    I work for a long time Family Rest.
    We had a mother daughter who would come in on a reg basis. They would NEVER leave a tip. At one point they were told that the tip would be put on thier check. They were offended. The boss said to her. You haave never gotten good service from any of our Servers? I told them We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone. They both worked at a local Store chain that pays good money. I worked at the same chain. You are making good money!
    She had th e nerve to call the police! I have no ideas what the outcome was. They have never come back. Good Riddance!

  17. Gail says:

    Oh Bitchy Waiter! Can you take even more fulsome flattery and bowing and scraping before you? You are hilarious and smart and you strike with such furiously dead-on accuracy. Please never stop writing, as I will be really sad and might actually consider leaving my apartment for a few hours. Alright, that was a bit of exaggeration, yet sadly not-that-much.

    Signed,

    A loyal fan from Canuckistan

    P.S. You DO have amazing hair!

  18. Nina says:

    I wouldve loled if I got this email when I was managing a restaurant. Crazy.

  19. Jacoby says:

    Dear BW,

    We love to host you for the night! My private chef* is willing to prepare the most fantastic meal you have ever seen** and create truly mind blowing alcoholic creations from our fully stocked bar!*** We do ask you keep any revealing**** photos to yourself, as our highly exclusive club*5 prefers to keep its location private*6

    We look forward to hosting you!*7

    Ps. Please bring your server apron and a spare pencil, in case we need to see your shining service in action.*8

    ~JN

    *(roommate)
    **(cheez-its)
    ***(Half a bottle of cake vodka and some butterscotch rum. Possibly some Absinthe, if its till hiding in its dusty corner behind old cookbooks and the pam cooking spray)
    ****(Drunk)
    *5 (Apartment)
    *6 (Might not actually be MY apartment)
    *7 (Actually, bring your own vodka)
    *8 (You’ll be serving us umbrella drinks)

  20. Alex says:

    Just saw Sarah Lockard on the front page of thedirty.com looks like someone turned her in to Nic Richie. Uh oh.

  21. Anna says:

    I’ve just happened upon your site, and as a former server can not stop reading. I currently work in the events planning industry, and I receive things like this constantly. Bloggers who would like to participate in our event for free and then they will blog about it to their 12 followers. It’s my FAV! Anywho, thanks for the entertaining distraction from work.

Leave a reply


− 3 = four