Best Olive Garden Complaint Letter Ever

Best Complaint Letter Ever.

Best Complaint Letter Ever.

Anyone who works with the public and deals with customer service has probably heard a complaint about themselves at one time or another. It is a fact of life that no matter how you do your job, someone will be dissatisfied with your effort. Complaint letters are a dime a dozen but every once in a while, one makes its presence known that is too good to not share with others. Thank you to the anonymous soul who sent me a copy of a letter that made its way to the manger at an Olive Garden. Some people have lots and lots of free time and with all that extra time to fill, they use it to create long-winded and poorly written complaint letters. ( I do the same exact thing but call it “blogging.”) This letter is hilarious and I feel it must dissected line by line, ignoring the non-use of subject/verb agreement, the lack of a consistent tense and overall bad grammar. I will only tackle the ideas of the letter and nothing else.

In the early lunch time hours my girlfriend and I ate at one of your restaurants. We do not know if this was written by a man or woman, but we do know that they ate in the “early lunch time hours,” which I presume to be somewhere between 11:42 and 11:57 AM. For the sake of this blog post, let’s assume the letter came from a man named Bob and they ate at 11:46.

I have to say that I am very disappointed in the way the waitress’s presented themselves for their jobs. Uh oh, poor Bob is disappointed.

Although the uniforms are pretty standard the problem rest in the area of their personal presentation they do have control, and responsibility, over. It’s been a while since I have been to an Olive Garden, but I assume their uniforms are the standard khaki or black pants with an Olive Garden shirt. Maybe Bob was hoping for something more akin to the Hooters uniform of short shorts and boobies but it seems that he is more upset with physical appearance than anything else.

Given the fact this type of job promotes a public image I am also very disappointed with the managements’ relaxed standard. Again, Bob is expressing his disappointment, this time with management for not making sure that the staff is living up to  expectations. So far, Bob seems reasonable, albeit a little petty.

A part from the uniforms it had look as though every single waitress just rolled out of bed, put their uniform on, and left for work without any personal care.  Now we can see that Bob is getting a little bit more specific. He is upset that “every single waitress” looks like crap on a cracker. He wants his servers to get up early and make sure they put lots of time into their personal appearance. After all, don’t we just know that Bob has an hour-long beauty regime every morning before he leaves his house? He buffs his greasy head 100 times with a Shamwow Towel and then he combs his soul patch with a brush he made himself out of an old broom and a razor. He uses a match to get rid of the extra hair that grows on his shoulders and he wears two layers of Spanx for men. It takes him a while, but he looks good when he leaves his house. Or at least as good as Bob can look.

Although makeup for the female staff might be more of a personal choice to them those who did apply makeup gave the appearance of application as if they were only applying makeup as if they did not care because it was a job requirement; Oh, I get it, they need makeup! Some didn’t wear any makeup at all and those who did looked like they put it on in the car on their way to work. Newsflash, Bob: they put it on in the car on their way to work.  I’m sure Olive Garden doesn’t have a requirement that they wear makeup. (Personal note: in 1990, I was wearing makeup at work to cover a big zit on my forehead. One of my customers called me out on it and I told them that the manager required me to wear it so that customers wouldn’t see my big zit when they were ordering nachos. Yeah, I lied to hide my vanity. Of course Bennigans’s didn’t make me wear makeup.)

However, the major problem I notice was the waitress’ hair appearance. I could see very obvious bumps, gaps, and snarls around the base of the head where the hair should have been brushed when being pulled back to be out in a ponytail or clip. Wait, is Bob a fucking hair stylist now? Is he really judging how well someone combed their fucking hair? Watching a marathon of Tabitha’s Salon Takeover does not make you an expert on hair. And what the fuck is a “snarl” anyway? Is that like a cowlick in a bad mood?

Also there were waitress’ who pulled their hair back into a ponytail where the start of the ponytail was coming out at an angle or more toward the side of the head. Oh, hell no! Now Bob is trying to put down the world-famous 1980’s side ponytail. There ain’t nothing wrong with a good ol’ side ponytail, Bob.

Fuck you, Bob. I can work a side ponytail.

Fuck you, Bob. I can work a side ponytail.

I have to say there was only about two of the female staff seemed like they looked in a mirror while doing their hair or before they left for work. Well, earlier he said something about “every single waitress” but now he is singling two of them out who may have looked in a mirror that morning. I bet all of them looked in the mirror before leaving for work and most of them had this to say when they saw their reflection: “Oh who fucking cares? It’s Olive Garden, who am I trying to impress? That loser Bob and his skank-ass girlfriend?”

Given the fact that your restaurant does not open until late in the morning I find the staff has very little, to no, reason not to spend, at the most, an extra two minutes to make sure the hair looks nice and professional. Now Bob thinks that he knows what time people should be getting up in the morning? What if the waitress closed the night before and she had a table that took the Never Ending Pasta Bowl too seriously? She was at work until 2:00 AM and then had to drive home, wind down, eat some dinner and catch up on Project Runway All-Stars all before having to get some sleep to open the damn Olive Garden again the next morning. Maybe those two minutes you think she should have used to make her hair look nice and professional were put to better use by pushing the fucking snooze button, Bob.

Also if this is the type of care they put into themselves I have to wonder what type of care they put into the customers and how they handle the customers food. Bob, it’s none of your business if those waitresses are putting care into themselves. In fact, it doesn’t matter what they put into themselves. That is a very personal thing. As for what they are putting into the customers, I hope, in your case, it’s a big cheese grater and I hope they are putting it right up your ass. Besides, the way a waitress wears her hair has nothing to do with how she handles your food.

Thank you for sending this letter to me, Anonymous. And thank you to Bob for writing this wonderful letter of complaint. I’m sure everyone at Olive Garden really took it to heart. I bet they all went home that night and practiced hair and makeup on one of those Barbie heads so that when they got to work the next day they all looked like they were about to step in front of a camera for Glamour Shots.

Please share this so that maybe someday “Bob” will see how seriously his letter was taken.

35 thoughts on “Best Olive Garden Complaint Letter Ever

  1. anne marie

    bob is fulla shit! I bet he’s fat, bald, has a beer gut, smells like last week’s garbage, and wears coke bottle glasses and a pocket protector.

    WTF does hair have to do with a server’s job anyway?

  2. Fitz

    I hardly wear makeup any more to work and I do just pull my hair back either in the car or as I walk in. Guess what, no one gives a shit. The less I care, the more money I make. Probably because I worked in an area with very insecure women and watched as they would snatch the receipts from their husbands and lower my tip any time I got “dolled up” for work. Fuck it!

  3. jamie

    I rarely put on makeup for work. I do make sure my hair is pinned back because c’mon, nobody wants a hair in his/her margarita, but I haven’t noticed a dime difference in my tips when I wear makeup vs. when I don’t. Get real, Bob. Was she nice? Was she efficient? Did she serve you that salad with two fucking olives in it? Then you’re fine.

  4. kathy

    you will like when I lived in north dallas I went to work at a steak house where we wore jeans and a chief coat after 3 weeks of training the owner walked up to me and said I needed to color my hair because the gray was showing and when I came to work I needed to wear full make up. I told him I could get a letter from the doctor I’m alergic to make up and you hired me when you already knew what I looked like now three weeks later your gonna tell me that plus you sweat when you work in a chief coat there so hot. the owner told me if I didn’t do my hair and the makeup I couldn’t work there. so I left this is what this guy sounds like he must be from dallas.It’s kinda of lie tell a construction worker he needes to do his hair and wear dress cloths to work.

  5. Renee Zimmerman

    I know what he is talking about. you got made fun of at school (by me, I made fun of you) if you had bumps in your ponytail. if you pull the ponytail in half to make it tighter you might get bumps of air. So you have to make sure you tie it really tight the first time so that you don’t have to tighten it later.

  6. AJ

    I had to lol at the use of ‘snarl.’ It’s a term my mom used for tangles and knots in your hair. I didn’t know anyone else used it.

    I don’t tend to try very hard when getting ready for work anymore. Eyeliner and a ponytail is all I can manage.

      1. Kez

        Also amazed that you call it a term your mom used, as though it were something she might have made up, or was a less commonly used word. Just a little surprised.

  7. Brigette

    Bob, you had me at “Olive Garden.”

    OH, and Bob, you try freakin’ pulling long hair back and having it all flat and perfect with no gaps! Go on, I dare ya!

  8. Mary Mac

    I don’t think the “complainer” was a dude at all. I think it was probably some 400 lb trailer park-bitch in a muumuu that rolled in on her rascal scooter and hates anyone who is thinner and prettier than she is. Which means she hates everyone.

  9. Mary

    Really???? Here’s an idea….you work in customer service it is your job…to look good when you are waiting on tables. No one wants to see some waitress or waiter that just rolled out of bed not giving a crap…..want to make tips….look the part, act the part…..take 5 minutes to brush your hair, fix your uniform wash your face. As some one who is in the hospitality industry it is rediculous how many servers complain about not making tips… they are saying this they look a mess. Get a clue people.

    1. Carla

      It’s Bob’s opinion on the way the waitresses looked. I worked in the resturant business for 20 years before I had to leave due to health reasons. None of the waitresses or waiters I worked with looked like they just “rolled out of bed.”

  10. Rebecca

    Looks like Bob’s skank-ass girlfriend Mary came to defend him…

    I don’t give a shit what my server looks like. I hope the next restaurant you waddle your entitled ass into has gorgeous, model worthy staff who are too busy preening themselves to your satisfaction they don’t have time to bring over your free bread.

  11. April

    If your server is clean, who cares? I don’t think i have EVER noticed if my server has make up on. Know why? I don’t give a fuck. If they are nice and even semi efficient, that’s all I care about. They bring me tasty things. Why be mean to people who bring me tasty things?

  12. Mary

    Just a heads up….I have been in the casino and hospitality industry for years, on both sides as a server. As a bartender and as a manager. It goes with the job. What’s wrong with people is no one cares any more, do the least you can and feel you are entitled to everything. Roll out of bed and slop yourself together and expect someone to tip you because you don’t care how you look nor the how good of service you give. It’s the industry it’s about self respect. Pull yourself together.

    1. Ashley Butterworth

      I’m with ya Mary! While Bob still seems like he would be a wanker, this is one post I can’t get behind.

    2. Mrs. C

      I am currently an Olive Garden server. I love my job, and my tips are fantastic! This is most likely a result of the amazing and personalized service i provide for each and every guest. I most often wear my hair in a low ponytail or braid pulled to one side, and i DO NOT WEAR MAKEUP! That’s right, no makeup ever. I am told by guests on a daily basis that i am pretty and have an amazing smile :). And so, makeup is not necessary to look beautiful AND professional…If it were, we certainly have a lot of unprofessional male servers on our staff!

  13. Darren

    Dear Bitchy waiter,
    I work in England, and love reading your posts.
    Is there any chance (albeit slim) that I would be able to get a job working in your restaurant please?
    Your posts have me rolling and laughing all day, to the point now where if I have crap customers I think to myself “What would BW do in this situation”
    Long May your reign of bitchiness continue!

  14. PDL

    I can’t believe anyone would take the time to write a letter like this. Clearly, Bob has no life. Also, note the “waitress’s” instead of “waitresses.”

  15. Ashley Butterworth

    I’m with Mary on all accounts. We’ve all seen the bad ponytail he’s talking about. The one where the hair is unwashed and greasy and they’ve pulled it back without brushing and it shows that they clearly didn’t shower which makes me question… are they washing their hands? Good hygeine and a professional appearance are very important in a food handler’s job. I have seen uniforms that it seems like it would take MORE work and time (i.e. run over with car 3 times and wrestle from a tiger) then it would have to just throw in in the washer and de-wrinkle in the dryer. I’m not saying you have to wear make up, but there is a difference between someone who is neatly put together with no make up and someone who just does give a crap.

  16. Nick

    I do not understand what the big deal is. None of you would want a surgeon showing up to cut you open looking like a mess, or someone who is doing your nails having trashy nails themselves. I’m a server at a fine dining restuarant and regardless of what my restuarants’ standards are compared to Olive Garden, any person promoting a public image as the basis of their jobs should come to work looking just as professional as a surgeon. That’s the problem with Americans today, we all think we are owed something and have little to no work ethic. Which is why our country is such shit now. So give thanks to all the unprofessional jackasses who get a free pass for some reason. And have fun dieing a well renowned blogger. Ha. What a joke.

  17. Kylie Brant

    Dear Bob,
    When you can learn to write a complete freaking sentence, I’ll worry about my staff’s hair. I have a feeling we’ll both be waiting a while.

    Olive Garden Management

  18. April

    I think it’s important to point out that Bob never said that the servers were dirty, greasy or whatever else people are throwing in there. They weren’t wearing Make up. THAT is his complaint. That and bumps near the “base” head where the rubber band was. guess what? that happens to me too. They were CLEAN, only without make up and without hair styles he approved of. THAT is the issue. If we get to bitch about servers looks now, can I complain about the ones wearing SO much make up that it looks painted on? Can I bitch that I don’t like that other lady’s spiked hair, it has TOO much gel? Again, if the server is clean and presentable (to Olive Garden’s standards) and competent, who the hell cares if she has make up on?

    1. thisladysays

      I agree. Everyone expects everyone else to be clean. This comment wasn’t about cleanliness, it was about makeup and hairstyles. Women should not be forced to wear makeup or style their hair a certain way (unless it’s the restaurant biz, then we have a food contamination issue if hair is not tied back). This wasn’t about his standard of cleanliness, it was about what he thinks a woman should look like. And ponytail bumps??? Seriously??? Do you know how many times you have to try to style a ponytail in order to NOT have bumps? Ugh.

  19. Mrs. C

    I am currently an Olive Garden server. I love my job, and my tips are fantastic! This is most likely a result of the amazing and personalized service i provide for each and every guest. I most often wear my hair in a low ponytail or braid pulled to one side, and i DO NOT WEAR MAKEUP! That’s right, no makeup ever. I am told by guests on a daily basis that i am pretty and have an amazing smile :). And so, makeup is not necessary to look beautiful AND professional…If it were, we certainly have a lot of unprofessional male servers on our staff!

  20. LaKisha Gibbs

    Ordered never ending bowl Alfredo was dry had to ask for more sauce Waiter told me it will b a extra charge with a attitude and for what and why I’m sure he wouldn’t wanted to eat dry Alfredo its sad no good customer service anymore these days

  21. Carla

    I worked at a military type club for several years as my last waitressing job. I enjoyed it and made wonderful tips and got along with most of the other servers and customers. There was a group of older men who would make innapropriate comments to all the servers and one of the remarks to me was that if I wore more make up and didn’t wear my hair so short, I wouldn’t look like a “dyke” and would be more appealing! REALLY?? I have had long hair…..all the way to the middle of my back when I was younger…..I have choosen to wear my hair in the pixie style for about 10 years and just love it. As for the need for me to wear more make up….why should I have to paint my face like a whore? I don’t need to be judged on how I look and tipped on my looks. I was a damn good waitress and would still be one if I could figure out how to do it from my wheelchair. If you’re going to judge me, do it on my job performance, not on how I look and keep ignorant comments to yourself!


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