iPhones Are Not Toys

iPhones are not toys.

iPhones are not toys.

“Hello,” said the lady as she pushed her stroller back into the restaurant about ten minutes after leaving it. “We lost our iPhone, did anyone turn it in?”

Her husband stood behind her looking either irritated or constipated, I’m not sure which. Seeing that he had just had me as his server and eaten food cooked by Juan, it could be either one.

“I haven’t seen one, no. I’m sorry. Are you sure you left it here?” I asked.

“Well, I gave it to my son to play with and he was holding it when we left. I think he dropped it out on the street and I thought maybe someone would have brought it back here.”

Sure, lady. Because whenever someone finds an iPhone on the street, they just take it to the nearest restaurant. That’s how this world works. Like, if you find money on the street, you take it to the nearest bank and then they find the rightful owner. Uh huh.

“I’m really sorry, but no one has turned one in. If you want to leave your contact info, we’ll be sure to call you if we find it.”

“Like someone is really gonna find it and then turn it in,” said her husband.

I silently agreed with him and wondered why they thought it was good idea to let a two-year old child use a $500 phone as a toy.

People leave things in the restaurant all the time. One thing that I have found a few times is a cane. This is very odd to me. If they needed a cane to walk into the restaurant, did they not need it to walk out? Do I work in a place that has magical healing powers and it makes people not only not need a cane anymore, but it also makes them forget that there was a time, only an appetizer and an entree ago, that they were slightly crippled?

“Can I leave my number in case someone finds the phone and turns it in?” the lady asked me. “It’s worth a shot, I guess, right?”

“Absolutely,” I lied.

Her husband  continued to look angry and when I looked down at the stroller, I saw that the child was now holding an iPad. Because if your child is too young to take responsibility for an iPhone, then by all means, give him an iPad too.

“Okay, I’ll write down my contact info. Umm, I don’t know any of my phone numbers without looking at my phone. Honey,” she said to her husband. “What’s your phone number? And let me look at your phone so I can see what our land line is.”

The husband handed his phone to her, which I noticed was a Blackberry.

“Honey, I dunno how to work a Blackberry. Can you just look up and see what our number is? Oh, wait, I’ll just give them my email address.” She looked at me. “That way, if you find the phone, you can email me. Oh wait, I won’t be able to check my email until I am at home or the office. Honey, I’m going to give them your email, is that alright? What’s your email address?”

“The phone is gone. You’re not getting it back. Let it go,” he said.

The kid continued playing Candy Birds or Angry Candy or Crush the Fucking Angry Birds or whatever the hell they thought was good for his four-year old brain.

“Just tell me what our land line is,” she spat out through clenched teeth.

She jotted the number down on a bev nap and they left. I went to the bulletin board and placed the note there right next to the other notes that no one would ever pay attention to, like the one that said “No cell phones on the floor” and “Kevin needs his shift covered. You owe me, guys!!

It is doubtful they will ever see that iPhone again but since they seemed to learn nothing, I feel it will only be a matter of time before they step into their dry cleaner’s and ask if anyone turned in an iPad that their son was playing with when they were in there the day before to pick up some shirts.

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20 thoughts on “iPhones Are Not Toys

  1. Kevin

    about a month ago I was closing the FOH and sweeping under booths to find a pair of men’s shoes…like the cane, I was bewildered on how a grown man could walk out after eating without his shoes.

  2. WhiteRussian

    most popular things people leave all the time – glasses and takeout boxes with leftover food. Right, you asked me for it and wanted to save that shit so bad and now you forgot it, huh?

    Most expensive thing people ever forgot with me was a $600 canon camera with bad ass lens on it. In the bag with all the good stuff that comes with it. They sat OUTSIDE on a picnic table, pretty much on a sidewalk of a busy street. They were taking pictures all night long, they asked me to take their picture, and then just forgot this shit. Its a big bag too. IDK what could get them so distracted so they forgot that big bag with like $1000 worth of camera and accessories.

    I dropped the book with CC slips, went inside the restaurant. Did something for like 10 mins, checked on all my tables, talked to kitchen guys, had a drink and went back to pick up the slip. There it was sitting on the table with people passing by. I was surprised nobody snatched the damned thing. And then my idiots came back in 20 min asking if I found it. I was nice that night. They got it back. They gave me a note with Abe in return. I guess ’cause of my honesty,huh.

    Oh, and the most amount of money lost (not my shift or my customer though) was a rubberband roll worth 6k dropped by one of the regulars (which we don’t know what he does for a living to have that much cash money laying around in every pocket, but everybody knows what he does, you know. Oh well, we just don’t give a shit as long as he tips well)
    Was a good customer. He’d give a $5 to a waterboy each time he’d come up, would hand a $20 for a person getting the door and throw an extra $100 for a waitress ’cause she’s sweet.

    but yeah, that night no Abes were given to anybody. IDK if someone ever found that cash. I’m sure they won’t say even if they did.

  3. ShezAnEnigma

    First, you are so funny. Second, some kids are pretty good with working the phone. My daughters son is very good and electronically gifted and has been since age 2. HIS sister who is exactly one year younger than him is 3 now, and I would not let her breathe near my phone. But – being able to use the device and being old enough to keep it safe are two diff things. I agree to not let children touch or use things they cant personally afford to replace. ( I do not let my grandson touch my phone or computer or the remote control, but I don’t freak out as bad as I do with his sister, because he has proved he can actually work devises and she proves she can break anything that she touches.) – but back on point. My daughter lets the kids use her phone in the house, so if it gets misplaced she knows its in the house somewhere. I constantly tell her she can not be mad at them for being their age if they drop it, lose it, or break it. (She gets upset when they drop it)Kids + electronics = paying out to replace the things broken

  4. Nicole

    The worst thing I ever forgot was $10k worth of jewelry.. I was afraid to leave it in the car, took it in w/ me when I went to have lunch on my way to get it appraised. I spaced it after my niece had an accident at the table, and left. The waitress (who got an AWESOME upgrade on her tip) came running out with it about 5 min later.. I could have kissed her.

  5. Shannon

    A table once left behind a blind person’s cane. The kind they use to tap on the sidewalk and “see” where they’re going. How in the world do you forget that?!

  6. Jenn

    I really would love to supplement my income by selling all of the phones people leave behind at my restaurant but that would be wrong and Karma hates my sorry ass.
    Once I had a man leave his dentures behind. I did not discover it until they had somehow been sent through the dishwasher. I put them in a baggie and he returned a little while later when he realized what he had forgotten. I was honest and told him of his denture’s adventure through our dishwasher. He was still grateful and tipped me an extra $20 for saving his teeth.

  7. melissa in houston

    I once found $300 on the floor one night after close. That was awesome. Back story:i was a cocktail waitress at a strip club. Everynight we would find money on the ground. We would go around after closing and serch for “floor money” it was like an easter egg hunt. Mostly found ones or fives, sometimes tens or twenties. The $300 was my biggest find. We got to keep the money, it was a fun game we played at the end of the night. And no one ever came and said they lost it. Good times! I recommend cocktailing and/or bartending in strip clubs. Its good money and a lot of fun.

  8. Mellie

    Some of my best umbrellas come from our lost and found box…don’t know when the last time was that I had to actually purchase an umbrella!

    1. Stephanie Shaffer

      Sounds like me with sunglasses… I haven’t purchased sunglasses for two years lol… Best lost & found ever – somebody left a bag full of bras, not sure why they had them but they just happened to be close to my size and looked new (I’m quite busty but small around the middle so I’m hard to fit, none of my coworkers could wear them), so I took them home washed them thoroughly and had myself 3 brand new bras 🙂

  9. Suzanne

    Serves them right..idiots! I have found some great stuff in the lost and found.Funniest thing ever forgotten was one of those doughnut pillows for hemorrhoids.I know this because she was not shy in letting me know why she needed it. Well she forgot it and about a week later she called to see if anyone turned in her hemorrhoid pillow. I answered the phone and had to stifle my giggles but told her yes,her medical pillow was in fact here. She shrieked with delight!

  10. Jen

    I once found a full set of clothes in the bathroom of our pub after closing. Top, pants, underwear and shoes. None of the staff saw a naked person leave, so not sure how they ended up there.

  11. Me

    Rofl – ok, this old lady to your rescue…..canes get left behind because they are just brought along in case they are needed such as if a person overdoes it and their minor problem requires them to use a cane for assistance. Canes are not generally prescribed to people who have serious problems like being ‘crippled’ as you say in your article. Also, most likely the glasses you sometimes find are reading glasses brought along just for reading the menu then put down after ordering is completed and forgotten. Shoes and a cook who constipates people I can’t help you with. What restaurant did you say you work at?

  12. Sharon

    True story: I found an iPhone in a restaurant parking lot (we almost ran it over too, informed management, and finally tracked the owner down. They were relieved it’d been found.

    (the owner had a sense of humor: her screen shot was a picture of her mom with Mommie Dearest underneath it)

  13. Stephanie Shaffer

    I have to laugh about what you said at the end about the dry cleaners because that happens to be my second job and you’re right, they probably lost the damn iPad at the cleaners haha (my restaurant and cleaner jobs are a block away so I often see a lot of the same people, sometimes in the same day, so if something like this occurs I will definitely post about it, I wouldn’t be surprised)

  14. Kim

    The most random thing people would leave at my job were their teeth. They’d leave them in a napkin while they ate (I couldn’t understand why they would take them out to eat if it wasn’t soup but whatever) then leave and get mad that they were thrown away, because they were wrapped in napkins. They were free to dig through the trash though. If they cost as much as they were bitching about you would figure they would keep up with them better. And that they are kind of a lifeline…

  15. Angie

    “How would you like that burger done?”
    OK, asshat….it will be cooked alright.
    “Char one”…I said to the cook.
    Bitchy 62 yr old Steakhouse waitress


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