The number one most hated question I ever have to try to find an answer to was asked not once, but twice last night. When I approach a table and say, “Hello, may I take your order?” the correct response is not:
Oh, Lordy give me the strength to not take this tray and pop this bitch up against the side of her head for asking that stupid ass question. What do we have? We have menus, lady, that’s what we have. Menus. I work at a cocktail lounge so we have a full bar with the usual suspects; vodka, gin, wine, beer, martinis, etc. My response is always the same to this question: “Well, we have a full bar so whatever you like. What can I get for you?” It is always said with a smile. Last night we happened to be out of Tanqueray, but other than that, we had pretty much anything she wanted. She was confused by that answer. Perhaps she was waiting for me to pull out the Mr. Boston Bartender Guide and rattle off every possible drink known to mankind and then she could make an educated decision. I didn’t do that though. I just told her that we have a full bar as well as juices, sodas, coffee, hot tea and bottled water. Her forehead wrinkled so much as she pondered that I thought her head was about to cave in. “If this bitch’s head caves in and makes a mess all over my station I am going to be so pissed off,” I thought. After wringing every last ounce of power out of her moldy sponge of a brain, she ordered red wine. I chose for her to have Cabernet because I honestly felt that if I gave her the option of that, pinot noir or merlot, she would have had a meltdown.
Five minutes later, a man asked me the same question. He had some vague Eastern European or Russian accent. “Whut dyou you haf?” he asked. I gave him the same answer I had given Little Miss Easily Confused who now had her glass of red wine but didn’t seem to understand how to drink it, poor thing. “Dyou you haf someting to read weeth the du-rinks?”
“Yes, sir. You’re holding it in your hands, sir.”
He looked down in surprise to see that he was in fact holding a menu. He eventually ordered a cranberry juice as did his wife who I had a horrible time understanding because of her accent and/or her oddly shaped teeth that didn’t seem to want to allow her to form vowels.
When it came time to give out checks, I first went to the Cranberry Russian. He handed me twenty-five dollars and told me to “kip the chunge.” His bill was $23.95 so that dollar was going to be great once it was split three ways with the rest of the staff. And the extra nickel was the icing on the piece of crap cake. Little Miss Easily Confused had a bill that was $63.00. She left three dollars which at least is easy to divide by three.
Let us review. If you go into a restaurant, bar or club and are not sure what you want, don’t ask such an open-ended question like, “what do you have?” We don’t have time to read the menu to you. I might not mind if someone asks me which entree I like better or if I have a preference for this martini or that martini. (I don’t have a preference, martini=good.) But don’t plop down and say, “what do you have?” It’s annoying and it makes you look stupid.
Brad, the host at work, told me a story of a woman who used to come into a restaurant he once worked in. She came in at least twice a week and always asked the same thing. “Do you have banana daiquiri?” Every fucking time, she asked this and every fucking time they told her no. Lady, nobody has banana daiquiri, but if you are really that desperate for one I can give the busboy five extra dollars to stick his banana up your daiquiri and you can call it a day.
I can’t be the only one who finds the “what do you have?” question irritating, can I?
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Sarally C
Me: How are you…
Customer: Do you have Pepsi or Coke products?
Inner me: You stupid asshole were the fck you learned your manners?, and btw don’t you cant read the menu?, its just open on the drinks page and if you see around all the glasses that you see have the pepsi logo.
Real me: We have Pep..
Customer: Get me ice water with a lemon…
———-
Me: What do you like to order sir?
Customer: Do you have Shrimp Cocktail? I don’t see it anywhere in the menu.
Me: Sir, that’s its because with don’t serve Shrimp Cocktail in here.
Customer: But you guys used to serve Shrimp Cocktail before…
Me: I apologize sir, but for the 2 years and half I have been working in here, its been the same menu that you have on your hands right now and there is not a shrimp cocktail at the menu, but we have some shri…
Customer: But I used to eat Shrimp Cocktail in here!
Me: Sir, I have some shrimp specialties in this menu, this first is sweet and spicy, the second one its with garlic and the last one is smothered with cheese dip. Would you like to try one of these sir?
Customer: (blah blah blah and keeps insisting on the shrimp cocktail)
Me: I will go check at the kitchen if somebody knows about it…
Customer: (smirks)
Inner me: (roll eyes)
In the kitchen: 5 years ago, in the old menu we had the shrimp cocktail, but has been 3 years that the menu changed and we don’t serve it anymore…
Me back to the customer and explains that to him…
Customer: Oh ok, I knew I ate shrimp cocktail, ok, I want some “Carnitas (pork) with corn tortillas”
SOMEBODY KILL HIM PLEASE!
Geoff Burkman
I just want to thank all of you for an entertaining stroll down memory lane. So glad I’m too old to be a server any more. 🙂
Tanya
Several ppl at one table and as I’m placing drinks on the table, BEFORE I get a chance to get the last glass on the table and before I can reach in my apron for a straw “can we have straws”. If I’m in a shitty mood and ready to quit I’ll nicely but sarcastically say “as soon as I put these drinks down maam/sir”
Ciara
Worked in a cocktail bar in New Zealand and guys said to me on a far too regular basis “I’ll have a beer”. I’m standing behind several taps and in front of a fridge full of bottled beers and they never bothered to elaborate. I got so sick of asking “Which beer would you like?” that I’d just automatically pour them a pint of our most expensive beer. If you can’t be bothered to tell me which specific beer you want you’ll take the one that I give you
Parvati
The only thing worse than “What do you have?” is “Do you have anything good here?” I always want to reply with “No. Our food is shit. Why would you think we have anything good?”
C.R
I once had someone say they wanted a BLT with bacon lettuce and tomato. Really?!?
Chaz
My fave ;
Are you open?
Why yes we are.
The chairs are on top of the tables cause we are trying something new.
Or
Are you open?
No Sir.
Well I only want a vodka.
That Sir, changes everything.
jen
one of my favorites… working at a place with a very small lake (more like a pond) and a lovely covered patio… me: welcome, would you like to sit indoors or on the patio? them: (just walked in from outside) i don’t know, what’s it like outside? me: bout the same as out there (pointing towards door they just walked in) smh O_o lost count of how many times this exact conversation has occurred!?
zia
If I ask that, it is a sign that the last couple of things I TRIED to order from the menu were not available. Case in point, my daughter ordered chicken. Server had said, Oh it’s all good, the only thing we are out of right now is the shrimp. Comes back from the kitchen: Uh, We’re out of chicken. But we have everything else! OK, she orders ribeye. Server comes back from the kitchen….you see where this is going, correct? “Please ask the kitchen staff what IS available.” Four orders and four trips to the kitchen before she wound up with what I considered a hamburger but they called something like chopped steak. If the server had know what was available (or at least what was not) a great deal of frustration on our side and embarrassment on hers could have been avoided.
K.L
Also, whenever I tell the “chefs DAILY features”, 90% of the time the customer will asks me “hey, where in the menu are the features u told me about”. I go to other restaurants at least 6 times a month and not one of them has daily specials/features that are in the menu, that’s what makes the dishes SPECIAL!!!!! What restaurants are these people going to that the features recited to them are in the menu?
Katy
Some restaurants have an insert in the menu for the day’s specials. It’s not THAT unusual. (Maybe you don’t get out much.)
K.L
I had a group come in the other day for a birthday party, the bday boy was 18, I asked him if he wanted something to drink, he replies “um, do you have to pay for drinks here?”. He then proceeded to order nachos with chicken, which is extra. When I told him this he arrogantly waved his hand and said “money is no issue”. When I gave him his bill ($40.41), he only had two twenties and asked to put the rest on debit. I took the twenties and just walked away, I’d wasted enough time on him.
Another Bitchy Waitress
This cracks me up! I work at a beer bar and my (least) favorite question is, “What beers do you have?” My reply is often, “Well, we have thirty beers on draft, so it depends on what you like. We have something for everybody.” My customer usually replies, “Hmmm. I like everything, do you have a list?” Me: “Yes. (Grab list sitting directly in front of them and hold it up to their face)” Them: “Ohhh haha right in front of me.” Yes, dumbass, open your eyes. I’m a waitress, not a fucking tour guide. But of course, day in and day out, this question comes (every day for the past seven years of my life), and I answer it as such, with a smile. Always with my Vaseline, pageant, Barbie doll smile. I remember my first time at a restaurant…. Wait, no I don’t. I was like three, and I still already knew exactly what I wanted. Geeez hahaha
Kim
My favorite,
Guest: I can’t decide. Do you prefer “this” or “that”?
Me: well I really like “that”.
Guest: ok I think I’ll have “this”.
Me:*blank stare*
whitney
this is similar to the “what kind of beer do you have?” question. well, there’s a drink menu right in front of you, but I’ll rattle off the list anyway. I always start the sequence with “miller light, coors light, labatt” and work my way on up to our fancier craft beers, to which I also add a description. I love when a customer goes “hm. I’ll have a coors light.” REALLY. you knew you were having a coors light, didn’t you? or did you ponder all of your options, and that coors light sounds so much more delicious and refreshing than a locally brewed IPA? come on.
Jaime
I swear this lady must make rounds because I have had the same question followed by the same deer in the headlights look.
Christine
OH, banana daiquiri !!
Used to be a great place on Union Street in San Francisco that made the best banana daiquiris. Problem with that type of drink is that you get too full before you get a buzz.
Kat
My all time least favorite is when they proceed to tell you what they don’t want on their salad. I had a lady tell me one time. I don’t want tomatoes, cucumber, onion, cheese, croutons or lettus. So I’m standing there like so you want dressing, would you like a fuck straw with that. But instead I asked so you just want salad and dressing. She gets upset repeats her self in a bitch tone. So I proceed to look at her with a smile on my face but with that your a fucking stupid fuck look in my eyes. I could tell I was going to get a tip from this table anyway. But to my rescue her friends starting laughing at her and said for me so you just want dressing. And that’s when she realized what she said. So if she would have said in the first place I just want lettus and ranch she wouldn’t have wasted 10 mins of our lives and she would have not looked like such a stupid fuck.
Jill
Lettuce…
Amber
Some people are too stupid to realized how stupid they are. And they make it seem like we’re the stupid ones.
grubslinger
I hate that. I work in a place with both paper menus and our entire menu written on a chalkboard that takes up an entire WALL of the restaurant, and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had some lazy customer ask me, or overhear, “You mean I have to READ?” . . . Of course you do, you frickin’ idiot! Unless you also wanted me to follow you into the bathroom and wipe your butt for you. What am I, your mommy? Clearly you made it pretty far in life, since you called to ask for directions to the restaurant twice, and yelled at the hostess because we don’t offer valet service to our parking lot five feet from the restaurant entrance, and bitched and moaned about having to walk up a flight of stairs because you insisted you had a reservation instead of walking in like you own the place. Your server has way too many things to do than to sit there with you and read the menu. And no, you can’t have something that isn’t listed because chances are we don’t have it. Last week I had a man yell at me because tomatoes are out of season and why didn’t I go to the grocery store down the street and get him one for his stupid burger. I’m sorry, sir, are you allowed to leave your job in the middle of a task to go to the grocery store? Because I’m not.
auntie Em
“Do you have (insert odd craft beer here) I reply no, we carry (insert 3 great LOCAL beers which I give my usual short description with and where they’re from). These asshat people usually then say….. are ya ready?….. “oh, I’ll have a bud light” really dick… You suck.
waitress11
Guest: “I’ll have a tall Miller Lite draft.”
Me: “I’m sorry, we have Bud Light on draft, but we do have Miller Lite in bottles.”
Guest: (disgusted sigh and pouty face on a grown-ass man) “I’ll just have water with lemon.”
Krissi
We have a 3 course Italian dinner at a few times per month there is trifold on the table that explains how it works..
it reads in the 1st third of the page.. 3-course italian dinner $15.95 start with unlimited soup or salad.. then the middle says.. then choose one of the following 5 entrees, then on the bottom it says choose one of the following desserts to share…
never fails every other table says “how does this 3 course meal thing work.
I cannot help it but I always reply by taking the tri-fold and usin my fingers as a school teacher would and I speak very slowly… it’s 15.95 and I point then I move down.. and you start with unlimited soup or salad.. then I move my finger down and say.. then you choose one of these 5 entrees, then I move down and say then you get one of these desserts…
I mean really…
Maddie
Last night I had a lady walk into the restaurant by herself and ask to be seated at the bar. I walked up and brought her a water and then asked if she’d like anything else to drink. “not right now.” After I walked away I saw her looking over the menu with the most confused look on her face. I walked up to see if she had any questions,
customer: do you have a gluten-free menu?
me: no ma’am we do not but I can tell you which entrees on the menu are gluten free and which we can alter to accommodate you. Do you have celiacs, an intolerance, or is this just a choice?
customer still looking confused: I have an intolerance.
I went through every option for gluten free on the menu including what could be consumed with just an intolerance or switched out if she’d like.
customer: does mellow mushroom have gluten free pizza?
me: i believe so.
customer: i’ll just go there.
IF YOU HAVE A FUCKING ALLERGY OR CHOOSE NOT TO EAT SOMETHING YOU LOOK LIKE A STUPID ASSHOLE IF I HAVE TO TELL YOU WHAT YOU CAN AND CAN NOT EAT AND I’M NOT EVEN GLUTEN FREE.
and if you just came in and realized you didn’t want to spend $30 on dinner or couldn’t afford it, why make me go through all of that before walking out? JUST WALK THE FUCK OUT NO ONE WILL MISS YOU AND YOUR COMPLICATED ORDER.
jayme
I work at Burger King and people ask me that. I always reply “I don’t even know what gluten is.” I do, but I’m not wasting my time telling some dumb ass what he can and can’t order.
Elin
Yeah, I have more than once had to read the entire menu to people because they are too drunk to read it themselves. So when im reading the course nr. 5, they have already forgotten course nr. 1. total waste of time.
once we had a menu that was glued to the folder and people actually tried to
pluck off the menu to see if there was another one on the glued side.
jms
Don’t tell me you’re ready to order then be dumbfounded when I ask what sides you want. Our menu is literally numbered to show how you order! 1, 2, 3, 4. How hard is that?
Amy
“What’s good?”
Our menu is as big as cheesecake factory’s, everything is good, that’s why we are the most popular restaurant in town.
“What beer do you have?”
There’s 16 on tap, and 100 bottled beers, read your menu.
“Y’all have bud light lime or bud light lime-a-Rita’s?”
NO! This is an Irish pub!
“Can we get some bread?”
I haven’t even gotten your drink order yet you white trash fuck blossom!
Robyn
The public are so LAZY!! They don’t want to read. They want to be told. If they do read they don’t read things properly. I find this constantly @ my work.
Tuberculosis
“What do you have?”
“COUGH COUGH COUGH – Tuberculosis, but my doctor says it’s getting better. COUGH. Now what would you like to order for dinner?”
Peter
At my country club I serve the same people day in and day out, and still they repeat that question “What do you have?” The same shit you’ve been getting for 15 years, you dumb bitch! We still have all the wine, beer, and liquor that we had when you came in yesterday!
Aaron
My favorite irritating question is, “What is better, the Salmon or the Filet?” I mean really??? What do you like better?
carlye
You are not the only one. I also really love when people ask, “what’s good here?” So I go through the entire menu pointing out the highlights, they turn their nose up at everything I say, then end up ordering the halibut, because that’s what they wanted all along.
Linzi
All. The. Time. “What can you recommend/what’s good here?” “I recommend the beef-” “I don’t eat meat.” “Then from our vegetarian options I recommend the pasta-” “But it comes in a crey sauce. I don’t like creamy sauces.” “Well how about one of our salads?” “You know what? I think I’ll have the salmon.” SO WHY ASK ME??
Amber
I want to smack everyone who asks me that, then they’ll waste my time and choose something entirely different that what I recommended.
Melanie
Had this happen to me last night. “We (her and her two friends) want something not to sweet and not to tangy with vodka in a fancy glass.” Brought out the drinks…”Oh Im sorry we don’t like these drinks, Can I just have a vodka soda?”
People I am not a mind reader and know what you and your three friends like. If I was I sure wouldn’t be a damn server. 🙂
Allison
I work in a beer bar. We brew 10 of our own beers, have another 20 rotating drafts, and approximately a 100 kinds of bottled beer. There is always some jack ass who asks, “what kind of beer do you have?” as they are holding the menu. Then after asking 10 more dumb questions, they order a freaking Bud Light.
Jennie
Wow! I’m a bartender who’s worked in food service for 12 years, and I think that the person who wrote this, and everyone who agrees, are a bunch of spoiled nasty bitches who lack a good work ethic and any general decency. This sounds so much like the typical “Portland bartender/server”. I actually hate going out in Portland because I work in the industry, am an excellent tipper, and I still get treated like shit by stupid service industry trust fund brats.
Screw you. At least you have a job and a way to get by. Stop bitching about it.
PCC
Well, Jennie, I like your post a lot. You’ve got attitude! But please note that the name of the blog is “The Bitchy Waiter” and that’s what many of us readers love about it. If you’re looking for anecdotes of sweetness and light from the food service industry, you’ve come to the wrong place.
Emily
And when ne of your customers asks you “what do you have?” do you happily recite the entire menu for them, Jennie?
Lish
I agree, Jennie. This may be the Bitchy Waiter, but it’d be nice if we could moreoften concentrate on ACTUAL annoyances (bad coworkers, idiotic trainees, moody cooks, managers fucking and favoring, regular customers who dont tip, fights that break out, funny drama, there’s certainly no shortage!) Complaining about customers asking what you have makes you sound like an idiot. It’s our.job to know our menu. It’s our job to make our customers happy. If that means answering what YOU think is an obnoxious question, tough. If that means repeating yourself, tough. People go out and pay for food and service so they can relax and enjoy themselves. They’re not and they shouldn’t be concerned with making your appatently miserable life easier. And they shouldn’t be. It’s your job to ensure they get the relaxation and enjoyment they’re paying for. Suck it up, bitches!
Kate
By “relax” do you mean “not look at words cause your eyes get tired”?
Amber
It wouldn’t be annoying if customers ask more specific questions. If they ask “what’s good here?” What exactly are they expecting as an answer? Of course everything is good or else we wouldn’t be serving them. Plus, what I consider good might not be good for you, so just know that we aren’t mind readers, tell us what kind of dish you’re looking for/interested in and i’ll happily suggest you something.
saxojon
Well, if someone asks me that its an invitation for me to sell them what I want for whatever reason, be it price or because we need to move inventory before it has to go in the bin.
Natalie
Wow…why all the hate? I think you are missing the point! It is called the Bitchy waiter for a reason . As a server I have tonnes of great stories about wonderful people and have made some people laugh and have a fabulous time. If you want those stories go to the happy waiter. I treat each customer with respect and all the same. As a server it is annoying when people ask what you have as its a very broad question…we are not saying don’t ask questions…we are saying be specific..we don’t know you, don’t know your preferences or if you can eat the whole steak, have no idea if you will like it or if you should…we are a server not the all knowing psychic. ! We will happily advise you as to what our favourites are, or describe items, or explain further…but if you always have peppermint tea…don’t ask for me to list what we have…ask if we have peppermint tea. If we are busy trying to accomadate you and others at a busy time don’t waste our time by making us stand there while you take ten minute to pick your side dish ( after you have rejected the three that you asked me to suggest) , dont tell me it’s such a hard decision and make me and every other table wait..don’t make me list off the sauces that I have just listed for three other people sitting right beside you, etc….I say, how about I give you a few more minutes so I can run my table food, get desert for another, take a drink order, bring your bread, and come back in two minutes…everybody wins! If it’s slower and you want me to go over the menu item by item…no problem.! But every freaken restaurant has a menu with discriptions that help you make your decision,,, work with us, treat us with the same respect we do you…we are people not your slave, nor your punching bag. We are smart people not idiots like a lot of people think we are. We deal with ALOT of ignorant, stupid ,disrespectful people daily…most times we laugh it off, most times we don’t take it personal, most times we love making people happy and don’t let the stupid or the assholes ruin our day…but if we need to vent and express…it saves our sanity…if you never bitch or complain about people at your job or workplace…I call bullshit. and if you have an opinion that is different than our…go ahead and state it but there is no need to name call , tell us to “suck it up bitches” or assume we have miserable lives… I can only assume if you got so upset about it…that means you are one of those inconsiderate people to serve and expect your server to list every item and take pleasure in seeing how many hoops you can make your server go through! FYI…you can usually tell who is genuine and actually isn’t trying to be an ass vs those who are just ditzsy, or who have had a long day etc. If can’t handle the vents…don’t read things on this site….peace be with you 🙂
kim
what if it really is an annoying question? when i quit serving and started doing the to-go orders at my restaurant, we served a family pack that you could only get to-go. you know how many times i actually got asked how many pieces were in the 10 and the 14 piece?
Jason
You may have been a bartender for the last 12 years, but I’m guessing you’ve been a cunt for a lot longer. Maybe you get treated like shit when you go out because your reputation for being an uptight bitch precedes you. If you don’t want to read someone bitching about customers, perhaps hanging out at “the Bitchy Waiter” was a poor choice of way to spend your free time. Certainly a much better choice would be trying to find a friend and a system of levers and pulleys to help remove the giant bag of dicks that appears to be lodged in your rectum.
Sam
+1 million
amyliz
Amen to that! Thank you for breaking up the monotonous tirade of misdirected indignation with that fresh breeze of reality
Lorena
Haahahha this was one of the best blogs yet. Cracked me up. I had this the other day after the guy had the menu in front of him for a solid 15 minutes “Ill have a tomato mozzarella caprese salad”. Not only do we NOT have that on our menu, we dont have anything resembling it and we are a very CLASSIC FRENCH BISTRO. After I politely told him we do not have that, this is a french restaurant and if he would like to pick something out we DO have FROM THE MENU I would be happy to serve it to him he then, without even looking at the menu, goes: “Ok ill just have the osso bucco then”. ARE YOU FUCKING WITH ME? I cant be nice about this anymore im going to start smacking people with menus
Ellen S
Assuming I have time, I like to point out my favorite (read, most expensive) items on the menu at the same time I recite the specials. So often, when I return to see if a table is ready to order, they ask me to tell them my favorites. Face palm.
Erica
Hahah…”What’s good here?” EVERYTHING. I’m going to tell you that EVERYTHING IS GOOD.
Amber
I freaking hate it when customers ask that. I always want to reply with “nothing, we serve crap here, everything on the menu is disgusting and you shouldn’t order anything”
Brandi
My sis-in-law has a food truck and has no problem answering with “it’s all sh*t”
maxi
Audrey- Thanks very much! When I get that question I generally start describing the dish and what I like about it… So at least I’m telling my guest what they want to know! 🙂
Emily
I work at a place with a very simple menu – we have ten pizzas, salads, and desserts. I am constantly getting customers that will point to two different pizzas on the menu and ask, “what’s the difference between these two?” The answer is always, “Well, sir, they have entirely different topings.” And then I read the menu to him until he realizes that he’s an idiot.
Maria
I worked at a restaurant that offered your two favorite sides, from a list of fifteen, with every entrée. I’d wait on an eighteen top, and get eighteen people asking, “oh, two sides? What are the sides?” I still didn’t hate that as much as “oh, you have two kinds of mushrooms? What is the difference between the sautéed mushrooms and the grilled mushrooms?” Have you never cooked anything? There is no way to answer that question without insulting your intelligence.
Jenny
Well luckily we didn’t get stuff as that bad at our restaurant, but I got many instances where people didn’t realise drinks were on the back of the menu. It’s like, we give you a folding menu of just four pages. Front cover, food, food and drinks. It’s not hard.
audrey
Maxi- yes, they are asking if it is good, which is kind of a stupid question, because it’s not like you are going to say no, but if there is anything distinct about the dish, i.e. spicy sauce, salty, etc.. this would be a good time to tell them, along with any other details about it. People love that shit. But basically it is just them asking if something is good
Peter
Maxi,
The question should really be, “What are you known for?” or “what would you order?”
maxi
I’m in the UK and this is something that is peculiar to Americans. They ask, “How is the —-” And I’m never sure what they mean by it. Are they asking if it is good or not? (Of course I’m going to say yes – duh) Or do they want to know how it is cooked (says on menu) or what it comes with (ditto)? Always throws me for six that question…. perhaps some USAians can enlighten me?….
PCC
They are asking for your honest opinion as to whether you recommend that they order it or not, you stuck-up twit.
Peter
PCC,
How rude can you be. Maxi asks a simple question, that deserves a simple answer. Maxi just wanted to know what the question meant and you just had to be an ass/arse.
maxi
PCC: I may be stuck up but I’m not a twit. Thanks for the reply 🙂
PCC
I was wrong. i apologise.
kenny ray
we’re idiots. Thank you
Jenn
I always replied with descriptions and a suggestion. Such as, well the Alfredo is delicious, but very rich. The salmon is fabulous although some find it a little spicy. My favorite thing on the menu is the (whatever is featured) steak. It comes with a salad and one side.
Jacob
Nope. People are stupid.
Ty
It really bugs me when they act like they don’t speak English.. Yet they can read the F n menu..
phil
I’m a bartender, my worst is the guy at the bar, starring at the bottled display and asks what kind of beer do you have? Then his pal asks the same thing, saying “I didin’t hear you”, thats because I pointed to our display, very politely I might add, there is no way I am reciting 20 brands!!
jarrod
That is a good one! The best I get is “is this the only menu you have” no dumb ass we have 10 more in the back that we are hiding from just you!
jayme
I would so go get him another menu amd be like “here you go sir.” just to be a dick
Linzi
I went to a table, and one guy says “I fancy a single malt, which ones do you have?” I told him I just started working there yesterday so i would go to the bar and find out for him. Before I could get back to him I had to go to another table, and he decided it was taking too long so he’d go to the bar himself. He chose his whiskey, I delivered it, and he says to me “I fancy a beer with this, which ones do you have?” I told him he would find the list of the beers just inside his menu in front of him. “Oh it’s okay, you can just tell me.” So I had to explain to him AGAIN that I only just started yesterday and I don’t yet have all the drinks memorised, so it would be quicker if he just read the menu right in front of him! Moron!
MrsMac
I still think it is stupid, even if you knew the whole menu, that he felt he had the right to waste yours and everyone elses time by having you recite the entire drinks menu just because he was either too lazy or just wanted to show what a big powerful man he was.
Jess
I work at a full bar mainly specializing at craft beers. 20 of which rotate daily and around hundreds of craft bottles. There would be times someone would ask what beers we have while not even looking at the menu and when i show it to them, still ask for a “bud light” or ” stella” which is not even listed, i’m like i don’t have time for this
Rachel Le Blanc
So annoying. My all time favorite is Server: what would you like to drink
customer:oh I don’t drink I’ll just have a water/coke
Me in my head: well asshole water and coke are drinks!!!!!!
Robert
Until the day one of them pulls out a syringe and starts injecting the water/soda directly into a vein.
Nicole
Genius.
Alicia
That’s the worst. We have to always upsell at my work, so my usual spiel is “May I get you started with a glass of wine or a perfect margarita……?” And they just say “no”. No, hello, this is me asking what you want to drink. Pull it together. So I’ll bring you a water, then??
C
What’s a perfect Margarita?
Chaz
Yes, but if you tell people you went out drinking they don’t think water.
posey
I.hate.it.
“What’s this come with?”
“What’s in this?”
Sometimes I make a point to sit down and read the dish discription to them.
See how easy reading is?
Its like when my boyfriend asks me where something of HIS is without even attempting
To look himself first…wtf?
Maggie
I got a question about gumbo soup once. “Where are the gumbos?’
Chris
Gumbo would be closer to stew.
anne marie in philly
don’t these assholes know how to read? perhaps they need picture menus. morons!
steve
Nope, that is an irritating question. It ranks right up there with “what flavor tea do you have?” (iced you dumb bitch).
I would also like to add my biggest pet peeve…
female guest: “could you bring some bread”
me: “yes ma’am. Sir, what can I offer you?”
Male guest: “I beleive I will have the Salmon with steamed veggies”
me: “nice choice sir”
female guest: “Oh, we are going to need some bread”
me in my head: “I know bitch, I haven’t left the fucking table yet!!!”
me reality: “yes ma’am. Right away.”
That really sucks. Thanks for your blog and opportunity to vent.
Tracy
My favorite all time stupid question is “do you know where the bathroom is?”
Elizabeth
Or do you have a bathroom? To which I always answered”nope. They make us go out back” that remained my favorite stupid question for years until it got trumped a couple years ago with “do you have water?”
Caity
I always say “you know, they haven’t told me where it is yet!”
Lisa Crockett
When the bread inquiry comes up I look at them serious in the eye and say “oh, there will be bread”.
All the while thinking ‘you fucking moron, that is what the little plate with the little knife is for’ GEEZ
Erica
As a server at cracker barrel I feel your pain. “Hi my name is…” “Sweet tea, and bread because I’ll die if I don’t have five biscuits with my pancakes!”
waitress11
Is the bread free? Is it unlimited?