Another Interaction With a Clueless Celebrity

Clueless Famous Person

Clueless Famous Person

Famous people live by their own set of rules. I don’t believe it’s necessarily because they are all horrible people but because they live in a bubble where people never tell them “no.” They probably surround themselves with “yes men” who are there simply to confirm that every decision they make is a good one even if it’s not. It’s a horrible cycle that continues because famous people are so delusional and the people around them allow it to continue.

I am going out to dinner in Brooklyn to a great place called Buttermilk Channel. They are known for their fried chicken which is served on a waffle, but me, being the purist that I am, can only enjoy fried chicken when it is of the nugget variety so I always opt for a hamburger. It is a Tuesday night and they are slammed as always. There are three of us and we put our name on the list and begin our wait. We are told it will take about fifteen minutes, but I can see that the restaurant is full of two-tops so it’s going to be a while before two two-tops leave at the same time opening up a place to push two tables together for the three of us. The bar is full as well, so we stand on the sidewalk. We are in no hurry and take the time to catch up on our lives and appreciate the late summer weather. After about twenty minutes, I see the hostess come outside with menus in hand but she escorts another group of people to their table. We continue to wait, which is fine. We understand that it is a busy night and people are sitting at all the tables and enjoying their delicious fried chicken. After another twenty minutes, it’s our turn. The hostess leads us to a table in the back of the restaurant and as we walk through the dining room, I habitually survey the situation to see how things appear to be going for those at work. All the tables are full and the servers are busy but smiling. The hostess leads us to our table but right before we get to ours, I notice something unusual. I see a four top-that has only two people at it, a man and a woman, which is a bit surprising seeing how full the restaurant is. That is not the thing that is so unusual though. The two people at the table are playing a game of chess. They have rolled out a portable plastic chess board and are in the middle of some checkmate shit.

“Who the fuck thinks it’s okay to play chess in a busy restaurant?” I ask my friends as we sit down. “And why the hell is the restaurant letting them do that? That’s fucked up.”

We sit down and look at our menus, but the conversation quickly turns back to the Bobby Fischer wannabes at the table next to us. “That’s shitty,” I say again. “They are taking up a four-top to play chess and we waited for a table for forty fuckin’ minutes. Who the hell does that shit?”

“I think I know who the hell does that shit,” says my friend Jane. “Look who that guy is.”

I focus my attention to the guy at the table and I see a young hipster-looking dude who is drinking a cappuccino and holding a rook in his hand as he stares at his rolled out chess board. He looks familiar and I try to recognize where I know him from. “Is he from our neighborhood? Did I used to work with him? Was I his babysitter once? Who is he, how do I know him?”

“Isn’t that the guy from Arrested Development?” says Jane.

“Is it? I can’t tell.”

At this point, Chess King says something to his Chess Queen and I instantly recognize the voice of George-Michael Bluth. Michael Cera is sitting next to us and he is taking up a four-top so that he can play fucking chess.

“We waited for forty minutes so George-Michael could play chess? Awwwww, hell no. Lemme get my phone out and take a picture of this bullshit ’cause this right here is a fucking blog post.”

I reach into my bag and tell my husband to lean over so I can make it look like I am taking a picture of him when really I just want photographic evidence of a celebrity taking advantage of his celebrity.

Michael Cera

Michael Cera

We watch George-Michael finish his game of chess and then we watch him start another game of chess. We are at the restaurant for an hour and when we leave, he is still playing chess. It blows me away that a restaurant would let anyone, no matter how famous they are, take a up a table for that long in a busy restaurant when they aren’t even eating. That’s what Starbucks and your own fucking living room are for. As we leave, I approach someone who works at the restaurant. (I told this person I would not give away their identity.)

“Hi,” I say. “Can I ask you a quick question?”

They oblige.

“I write a blog about waiting tables. It’s called the Bitchy Waiter-”

“Wait, you’re The Bitchy Waiter?? Oh my god, I love that blog!!”

I resist the urge to turn the conversation to more about myself and say, “About that guy playing chess at the table back there.”

The employee’s eyes roll. “Oh, Michael Cera?”

“Yeah, you guys are so busy. What kind of person does that?”

“Someone who has never worked in a restaurant, that’s who.”

I am told that he got there at 6:30 PM. It is now 9:30 PM.

“Did he eat dinner?” I ask.

“He ordered mussels a couple of hours ago.”

I give my business card to the employee and promise them that this will be a blog very soon and leave the restaurant.

Michael Cera has no clue that there was anything wrong with what he was doing. In his world of celebrity, he has made it okay in his brain to use a busy restaurant as his own personal game room No one at the restaurant wanted to tell him that he needed to wrap it up because the restaurant doesn’t want to take the chance of pissing off a famous person and risking that they will never come back again. So the cycle continues. Celebrities make self-involved decisions and no one is willing to tell them otherwise. I did the same thing. I thought about giving him one of my business cards as I walked out so he could read about how his selfish behavior affects others but I didn’t. However, I did write this blog post about him and maybe, if he has a Google alert on himself like I do, he will get an email that will alert him to this blog. If you are reading this, Michael, please pay attention:

It would be fine to take up a table in a restaurant for three or more hours if you were using that table to eat. It is not cool though to sit there and play chess all night making other people have to wait even longer for a table. I suppose it could have been worse though. You could have played Risk or Monopoly and that shit would have taken even longer. No one told you what you were doing was wrong because they didn’t want to upset a famous person. But I am telling you now that it is not cool. If you want to play chess for three hours, do it where everyone else does; at your own home or at Union Square. It’s rude, famous or not, it’s rude.

I hope you will share this so perhaps it will eventually fall into the lap of Michael Cera or one of his people so he can learn the error of his ways.

The Bitchy Waiter on Twitter.

111 thoughts on “Another Interaction With a Clueless Celebrity

  1. Harmony

    I agree. At the same time, how you concentrate on a game of chess in a busy restaurant? The noise and constant movement would be horrible on my ADD.

  2. Jim

    Just playing devil’s advocate. Assume that the waiter in that section got a GREAT TIP- one that covered what would normally be made at the table, and that the restaurant owners felt the were making enough money…would it be ok?

    1. Harmony

      No. One, the tip goes to the server, not the restaurant till. Two, it is taking up space and putting other customers out because they are having to wait. It wouldn’t have been as bad if he had been at a two top, but using a bigger table means that larger groups have to wait for multiple two tops to leave to be able to have four seats together. When a restaurant is busy, two people need to go to a two top table. Four tops are good for three or four people. A third person at a two top takes up aisle space.

    2. NYCkid

      OK, Jim. Lets go ahead and assume the waiter got a GREAT TIP. Does that benefit the people who went to that restaurant to dine and had to wait longer than usual so that a “famous” person can play chess and the owners could make their money? If so, I would never dine in that restaurant.

      1. JD

        But BW says it’s perfectly okay to use the table for three hours if you’re there to eat, which would also put out other people waiting to dine. If Cera paid the restaurant and the waiter for the tip, then BW has to say it was all okay. So are you going further and saying even that would still be wrong?

  3. Kristen

    I’m not excusing it, but how is this any different from a group of regular people taking up the table for hours after they are done. In my 10 years of serving, I have never worked at a restaurant that ask people to leave for sitting too long. If he left them a good tip, then that’s better than most. Where I work now, I can think of two WAY worse tables. The first one was a party of three that sat at a booth in the bar. This man makes his living off betting horse races. They had the table filled with laptops, surge bars, and notebooks. They sat there for almost 5 hours. They did eat at some point in the night, and expected for their sodas and waters to stay full. After all of that, they left the server a total of $11. Had the table turned as usual, he probably would have made at least $40. Another table of 4 ladies sat at a table in the main dining room from 3:45, when the first person arrived, until 9:45 that night. The server made $4!!!!

    1. Eddie

      Agreed 100%

      The blog writer is upset because his own sense of self-entitlement was deflated by someone with more celebrity than himself. He even mentions how the waiter was so impressed by him being a blog writer. Way to one up Michael Cera.

      This blog post is silly.

      1. Kelly

        I totally agree with Eddie.
        If this had been two non celebs talking over 2 drinks this would not be a complaint blog. I’m not saying chess in a busy restaurant isn’t weird, but this gripe is lame.

          1. Anonymous

            He’s complained about less. It’s called the bitchy waiter, dumbass. Get on this wagon or gtfo.

        1. Kristin

          I disagree. It is rude to linger after you’re done eating and it is rude to sit at length while having a drink when you can very clearly see that a restaurant is full. I’m not going to rush through my meal just to help out the restaurant, but when I am done and have the check and have paid in a reasonable amount of time, I’m leaving.

      2. Jessica

        It is rude to take up a table for three hours, regardless of what you are doing. I can see a counter argument if the restaurant isn’t on a wait, but otherwise, no. If you want to have drinks, go to the bar. If you want to read, go to Starbucks. Taking up a table for the whole dinner rush is one of the worst things a customer could do. As a server who has a limited number of tables, someone eating quickly, and not leaving a tip is better than someone who sits at a table for hours and leaves a tip based on the check, not the time. Because 9 times out of 10, they don’t tip extra for the time…celebrity or not.

        That being said, no Michael Cera is not the devil. He is just ignorantly being selfish.

      3. chefwallybear

        I agree with Eddie also. If Mike was such a big deal and hotshot B.W. was right there he should have said something. Instead ran home to blog about it. Don’t get me wrong i do enjoy this blog but speaking up would have stirred more awareness to the cause don’t you think?

    2. Robert

      How is this any different than a group of regular people taking up a table for hours after they are done? It’s not different, they’re self centered assholes in both situations.

  4. Eddie

    There is a flaw in your logic. You noted that the restaurant does not want to risk the celebrity not coming back. Now, I feel, that most people if they were enjoying a space would enjoy it for as long as they can. Because Michael Cera was never asked to leave, because the restaurant wants him to be seen there, he decided to stay and enjoy a game… or 5. This seems to me that it is the restaurants fault. Not Michael Cera. I have no doubt that Cera posed for pictures with staff or the owner after his visit and undoubtedly his picture will end up on the wall, or at least the story of his visit will be told to future customers. The buzz will hit the streets, and a already popular place will become more popular… the dream of any restaurateur. This not only increases the reputation of an establishment, it also paves the way for other celebrities to come. Which increases business again. Now, if Cera came in for 5 hours, ordered only a water, left a shitty tip, and then insulted a member of the staff on the way out the door, or complained about service, I would agree you have just cause to slander him on your blog. But none of these things happened in this scenario. He obviously was told it was OK to be there, otherwise, guess what? He wouldn’t have been there.

    Point being. Stop assuming that Cera somehow held the place captive. That restaurant wanted him there. You are equally expressing some sort of self-entitlement in that the establishment must rush out any customer that they are happy with being there, but that you do not deem worthy enough to sit there for as long as they want, just so you can be seated faster.

    Pot… Meet Kettle.


    1. Joel

      You make a ton of assumptions in order to try and make excuses for someone who was being oblivious of the fact that he was at a business and that there were other people there. Plenty of people sit and kvetch after dinner and take extra time in restaurants, but most people are aware enough of their surroundings to leave a busy restaurant with people waiting outside without playing multiple games of chess.

    2. Luke

      Omg, how many assumptions can you make in a few paragraphs? You just justified his idiocy with a bunch of random shit that probably didn’t even haven’t. Congratulations on being so vapid!

  5. Carrie

    He assumes that his celebrity will draw enough attention that the restaurant will get the Cera Bump (similar to the Colbert Bump) just by him being spotted there. I assume your readership is sizeable, so he’s probably right.

    Everyone go eat at Buttermilk Channel to make up for Michael Cera’s rudeness. Or go eat some other hipster doofus joint that serves chicken and waffles. There have to be a million by now.

  6. Rebecca

    I agree with the rudeness of sitting at a table for 3+ hours and only ordering one dish, etc.

    However you also take issue with the fact that he is seated at a four-top table, and that was probably not his doing? The restaurant sat him there, didn’t they?
    In any case I agree with the comment that this is the same as any punter sitting for hours and not ordering. Maybe he would do the same even without being a celebrity.

    1. Jessica

      I have been both a server and a hostess, and hosting can be even more annoying than serving at times. I had to learn to be aggressive, and passively tell the customer that they had to sit there, otherwise I would get “Oh hey, is that table by the window open”? or “I can’t sit here, there is a vent and it is chilly” or “I want a booth not a table…but not that booth it’s too small.” You get the point. A host can’t just tell the customer no. Sometimes I would have to just lie and say it was reserved, but most of the time you just have to let them sit where they want.

  7. Davin

    Yeah, he’s probably never worked in a restaurant. Know who else hasn’t? Most people. The restaurant didn’t ask him to leave because the restaurant never asks someone to leave. I love how you talk about how people think they’re so important, then you try to name drop yourself to the waiter and apparently have a business card that reads “professional blogger”. What a high barrier of entry to become one of THOSE….you’d need to take at least 4 minutes out of your day to achieve that job.

    Cera got there first. He can do with the table what he wants. If he wants to play chess, that’s no different than a couple that spends 2 hours talking over glasses of wine. He was likely at a “4 top” because that’s what they had available when he came in. Frankly, you come off as a self-entitled prick who’s just jealous of celebrity.

    1. UghOmeeter

      AMEN. I came across this blog for the first time via Facebook, in regards to this very complaint. The whole time I’m reading it, I’m rolling my eyes at the blatant irony of the complaint in regards to “clueless celebrity”.

      Whatever. Last time I ever decide to click on anymore BW blogs. FFS, they’re just blogs. EVERYONE has a blog! Nothing more special than even the highest quality youtube comments. lol

      1. Reginald Van Der Slythe III

        Good. Begone from this place, you crybaby. No one will miss you. Take that clueless cretin Davin with you; no one needs him making his baseless assumptions about BW’s psyche.

  8. Bridgette

    Did any one have the balls to confront him?
    Why did they not just bring him the bill, dessert menu?
    Give the guy a clue that he was causing a civil unrest?
    Well then tuff shit

    1. Madison

      He is obviously not leaving, but that doesn’t mean he didn’t pay the bill. People that camp out at restaurants usually pay right after they are done eating. Also, if a restaurant “had the balls to confront” rude customers they would piss of a big percentage of their customers. That’s why waiting tables sucks; you have to deal with a bunch of jerks everyday.

  9. Steve

    Me thinks you’re being a bit too sensitive on this issue. I know it seems lame that he spent a long time playing chess, but truth is he did order food and he is a patron of the restaraunt. It’s really no worse than that couple who occupies the table for hours on end just to stare longingly into eachother’s eyes when they could do that just as well on their couch. If they pay for food, then they get to take advantage of their spot. Maybe he just wanted to get out of the house, enjoy some oysters, and have a different surrounding then that of their usual surroundings. I’ve been a server and bartender and I know, sometimes people take their sweet ass time. It comes with the territory, rich or poor, famous or no.

  10. Elisson

    Very few restaurants will risk offending a patron by asking him/her to vacate a table, but when people are waiting to be seated, it is the height of discourtesy to lollygag for hours. Eat your meal – eat at a leisurely pace if you care to – but show some consideration for other people. If this doesn’t make sense to you, then your parents didn’t raise you properly – I don’t give a rat’s ass whether you’re rich, poor, a celebrity or just some schmo. You live on this planet with other human beings; it is therefore incumbent upon you to not act as though you are the only fucking person on the planet.

    In summum: Cera and his companion(s) were being inconsiderate assholes.

    BTW, a restaurant is perfectly within its rights to suggest that a diner move to the bar and enjoy an after-dinner drink on the house in order to clear the table for other patrons. And if the customer has a problem with that, I would suggest that that customer take his custom elsewhere.

  11. Stephen

    It’s rude no matter who you are. There are appropriate places for playing chess like coffeehouses. But celebrities should be more sensitive to the effects that they have on situations like these. Most every thing they do is proportionally larger than non-celebs, so they should be more careful. Sorry, it’s the price they pay for fame.

    NOBODY should do that in a restaurant. Sure, if it is late night, slow and no one is waiting to sit down, who cares as along as the server is tipped appropriately. It’s just being plain inconsiderate otherwise.

  12. JimBoBillyBob

    I have been a waiter for most of my working life. This blog post is just you bitching about special treatment of a celebrity when you don’t even know if anyone else would have been treated differently than him. Just because you envy people have way more than you for doing “less” doesn’t mean the restaurant owners feel the same way. Maybe a famous person sitting there for hours is good for business, which will in turn be good for the waiters. Now that being said, if he didn’t tip 100% for each hour he was there then he is an asshole.

    P.S. don’t eat chicken nuggets and burgers, that disgusting.

    1. Reginald Van Der Slythe III

      You know what they say about assumptions. You have no way of knowing that BW is jealous of a celebrity, and it says a lot about you that you’d go to that tired old trope.

      Unless we want to turn it around and say that you in turn are jealous of BW’s relative fame compared to you…

      P.S. Nothing wrong with a good burger, jackass. Chicken nuggets…well, I will grant that’s harder to defend since I’m not a fan myself, but if he wants them, he can have them. When did you become the Grand Potentate of What Everyone Should Eat, anyway?

  13. Geoff Burkman

    Aren’t there any frakkin’ gaming cafes in the Big Apple? Why didn’t he go to one of those in the first place? That said, maybe he paid for the table, who knows? And I can the point that management might consider his mere presence worth the loss of other folks’ money. Up to them, isn’t it?

    At any rate, I’ll bet Cera’s not a very good chess player…”)

  14. JuliaKAUAI

    Thankfully the place I work at doesn’t allow that crap, playing cards or board games it’s a fucking restaurant not your house! And sitting all night talking without ordering more, I tell them straight up we have lots of people waiting for a table, order more drinks or take your conversation outside. If we are slow and someone sits forever fine, pay your bill and I won’t be back to check on you.

  15. Taylor

    The food server inside me is rolling my eyes at Mr. Cera. However, the chess player inside me is cheering wildly. While it might not have been the best move (see what I did there?) for him to be playing chess at a 4 top in a busy restaurant during dinner, it is definitely awesome to see a young celebrity enjoying hours of chess instead of just getting wasted or something. Michael, you can always play chess in my section bud. (Also, I wonder who the opponent was?)

    I want to quick mention that him being a celebrity has nothing to do with the main issue, aside from drawing people to the blog for the story. If he were just some punk from off the street I guarantee you the server still wouldn’t have pushed him out the door and I bet that it wouldn’t have been notable enough for the bitchy waiter to mention. Everyone who sits down at a table who hasn’t worked in food service continually make these faux pas (and some far worse than playing chess quietly to themselves). As a server you just have to bend over and take it or find somewhere else to work. C’est la vie.

  16. Fcuk

    You’re bitching about him playing chess without confirming how much he is/isn’t paying to sit there. Sure, he ordered one thing but he could have some sort of deal worked out with the owner or manager that they put two tables together for him whenever he wants if he gives them $1k. If I owned the restaurant, someone can sit at those tables as long as they want, as long as they are paying for them. Personally, if I was famous/very wealthy I’d simply pay the restaurant to rent the entire space so I didn’t have to sit around dick heads like you. But to each his own.

  17. Ebeneezer Scroogeyourself

    stfu you’re an idiot people are allowed to do what they want, maybe this was his only day off on a shoot of some sort and he wanted to play chess, if the restaurant did not want him there they would have asked him to leave. who are you to say what people can and cant do with their time, he was there long before you so his taking up a 4-top did not affect your night. You want to piss and moan do it about the working conditions of the staff not the 5th amendments of the patrons. You are an idiot sincerely … former waiter

    1. Claire

      It did affect his night. He really wrote this piece from the view of a customer. BW and his party waited 40+ extra minutes. Cause= person taking table for board games. Affect= 15 minute wait for a 3 top turns into 40 minute wait. You are entitled to your opinion about this post, but you should get the facts right.

    2. Kaos

      Fifth amendment? The right to not incriminate himself? LOL

      There is no Constitutional amendment guaranteeing anyone’s “right” to sit in a restaurant ir to play chess.


  18. Virgil

    There’s a neat little spot just about two blocks away from Buttermilk Channel on Court Street, called the Brooklyn Strategist. Cera and partner would have had a delightful time there, it’s all board games, tables, easy-going types and even snacks and drafts and coffee. Every single character Michael Cera has played in his short career would likely hang out there if they were flesh-and-blood and let out in the streets of Brooklyn (read as: Michael Cera has essentially played the same bumbling nerdotype, with only some variance in the scripts).

    Maybe the staff suggests he visit there politely. Maybe he is wrapped up in his own ego. But I concur with those responding here that he does have some right to bypass logical dining in public (if there is such a thing) if the formula reads Paying Customer + Compliant Place of Business. I just want to add to the comments that maybe Cera is a little hopelessly awkward like his characters, and that social life and working life in the big city is *always* a little dance of compromises.

  19. anne marie in philly

    my, there are an awful lot of BW h8ers out here today. 🙁

    cera (whoever the fuck he is and I don’t fucking care to know) is a tool. period. they have tables in central park for game-playing; go there instead.

    right on, BW!

  20. Susan

    I was the closing host one night at the olive garden I worked at. There was a lady who came in alone at around 9:30, she asked what time we closed & I told her 10. She was like oh good, I was afraid I was too late. She was still sitting, drinking her diet soda & doing something on her iPad at 10:30. Being the closing host, I had to stay until the last guest left so I was beginning to get a little irritated but it didn’t get to me so much till around 11:15 & she was still there. By this point, everyone was done with their closing work & ready to go. I decided to walk by her table to see if she showed any signs of getting ready to leave & she was still busy on her iPad. I finally looked over her shoulder to see what she was doing & I couldn’t believe it…she was playing Boggle! Needless to say, the three of us who were waiting for her to leave were beyond pissed off! Of course the manager wasn’t about to ask her to leave. She finally left at 11:45. Did I mention we all had to be back there at 8am for a meeting? Worst customer sitting forever story in my career that I remember!

    1. Rachele

      I would have told her at closing, “We close at 10:00 and we are going home now…sorry!” How many establishments do that? So many do. Your boss is an idiot for allowing some loser to use your restaurant for gaming. I hope you were paid for your time. So many employers try not to.

  21. King

    You got your table and my guess is other people lingered at their tables while you waited. You are always free to leave and no one made you eat at that restaurant in which you pretty claim you only went to it because it’s popular. You should be grateful for what Cera did and should have thanked him. otherwise you wouldn’t have anything to bitch and write about. Right? Putz!

  22. Jaimie

    “Wait, you’re The Bitchy Waiter?? Oh my god, I love that blog!!” Yeah right.

    There are definitely wine glasses on the table, and ain’t nothin’ wrong with some wine over chess [add being famous for extra cool points]. If the restaurant didn’t want them in there, the manager should have manned-up and taken care of it. Most likely they like famous people being seen at their restaurant, and I bet this ugly blogger girl was the only one who had a reaction other than “Holy shit, is that Michael Cera?”

  23. David McNeill

    I’m confused… Aside from the chess crap, is Bitchy Waiter a guy or girl? If a guy, is it a gay man, married to another gay man? or a straight married girl? not that it really matters, but just so I have the scenario right in my head! ? 🙂

  24. Jonathon B

    You know who you sound like in this article? You sound like an asshole customer that complains about self entitled bullshit, you know the same people you bitch about on a daily basis. Fucking hypocrisy man, the plague of society..

  25. Frank

    Dear Bitchy,

    As a business owner I’d pay to have Michael Cera play chess on one of my tables for (3) hours during a busy time. Celebrities hanging out, chilling, playing cheese, dining with the locals makes a place hip. I’d want people to tweet and BLOG about him being there. As long as he took care of the waiter its a good thing for business. If patrons don’t get table, too bad. Thats the price you pay for going to the hot spot. There is plenty of restaurants down the block that need the business, but guess what they don’t have Michael Cera there playing chess, so you don’t want to go.

    1. baroness

      this may be the most ignorant comment i’ve seen from a business owner. if other patrons don’t get tables, too bad?! guess what? it’s the 99.9% of those patrons that are paying your bills. and if you really need a celebrity, let alone to PAY a celebrity to hang out in your “hip” business, it’s not hip or a hot spot. if your restaurant has great food, service, and atmosphere it should draw people in naturally. the sheer ignorance is atrocious.

      1. Kim

        Applause! I agree! Besides if people came to your “hip” restaurant after hearing someone as cool as Cera (lol kidding) ate their only to find terrible food, unhappy employees, and it was dirty no amount of celebrities could fix their tarnished opinion. Maybe you should go back to Business 101.

    2. Rachele

      Dear Restaurant Owner that hates unions:

      You need to pay your workers above minimum wage and your employees need to form a labor union since you are running a restaurant for rude and retarded celebrities.

  26. Daniel

    As a server, I hate tables who would camp out, unless, of course, they leave a nice tip. As a patron, you really have no right to care about the other patrons and how long they are there. People go out to enjoy themselves and have a nice time. You can’t force someone to leave if they are a paying customer, no matter how long they’ve been there. And as a guest, it’s none of your business, really. Unless you had a reservation, you have no right to be mad. Be a bitchy waiter, sure. Don’t be a bitchy diner too.

  27. Qweenie

    I think that most people are missing the point…. Celebrity or not, taking up a four top for two people in a crowded restaurant is rude. Period. I don’t care why he did it or what he was doing or who the hell he was… all that matters is that two people were sitting at a table for four for 3 hours preventing other parties of two or less from using that table the whole time. Had he taken up ONE two top for 3 hours it would be forgivable but taking seats away from other diners who are still waiting just to be seated is a dick move.

  28. Em

    Lulz, all the defenders. Restaurants are not for friggin board games. He may not give a crap, he’s got all the time in the world. Other people only have so much free time in the day and they should be able to sit down in a restaurant and eat and not have to wait because someone feels they need to play a real bitchin’ 3 hr game of chess. Yes non-celebs table hog also, that’s douchey too, but let this blogger have this example, because it’s fucking hilarious. Or not, who cares, it’s their blog, they can right whatever they damn well please.
    Also Mr Business owner, “If patrons don’t get table, too bad” you sound like a real peach.

  29. Bobcat

    I’ve never worked in a restaurant, but I sure as hell know enough to have the courtesy to my server, the house and the people waiting on a table to have my meal in a reasonable time and move on. There is no way that this is ok. Even if he tips the waiter to make up for the 2-4 parties who might have sat at that table, the restaurant gets nothing from it and others wait needlessly. Then again, some people are just so oblivious to what their actions weigh on others. Hopefully this gets back to him and inspires a bit of discovery.

  30. Jenny

    This comment:

    “I’m confused… Aside from the chess crap, is Bitchy Waiter a guy or girl? If a guy, is it a gay man, married to another gay man? or a straight married girl? not that it really matters, but just so I have the scenario right in my head! ? 🙂 ”

    No, it’s a gay man married to a porpoise. Who else would a gay man be married to if not another gay man? 🙂 🙂

    Thanks for the giggle in an otherwise silly, wadded-up-panties comment section. It’s called Bitchy Waiter, people. He’s Bitchy. I’d bitch too if I was hungry and some pretentious tool was all seriously playing chess for hours at a big table while my party was forced to wait. And so would most of you.

    For what it’s worth, I love Arrested Development. And I’d defend bitchy even if it had been my make believe boyfriend Jason Bateman sitting there.

  31. Ian

    you spent this amount of time and energy in your life writing about this? And then i spent an equally annoying amount of time reading about it.
    Imagine if you used your powers for good.
    There has got to be something else in humanity except snapping pics of celebrities at fried chicken restaurants and then bitching about them.
    Get a life, or maybe become a vegetarian…

  32. treestrues

    I love this shit! What’s with the math problem? My friend didn’t get hired at Outback due to her shit-tactic math skills. We servers are all dummies, you know that!!

  33. D

    I enjoyed the post, but the author is just as guilty as the restaurant. The real problem is that no one has the balls to confront anyone about anything anymore. We have become a nation of celebrity worshiping passive pussies. Idiots, if you will. People hide behind their cell phones, blogs, Facebook, etc. so that they can avoid interacting with others on a personal level. If the author was that upset that a “celebrity” was monopolizing a table, then he/she should have grown a pair and said something instead of copping out, and using it to further their own interests.

    1. Yuri

      Thank you.

      Understanding comes from communication. And good communication at that.

      BW, himself: “I thought about giving him one of my business cards as I walked out so he could read about how his selfish behavior affects others but I didn’t.”
      He didn’t. Even then, handing a card and walking away is hardly the same as introducing oneself and sharing the benefit of one’s perspective. Who knows, perhaps young Master Cera would’ve gained something valuable from such a sincere exchange. THAT’s caring enough. Or our own dear Bitchy Waiter might’ve discovered some actual reality as to Michael’s relationship with the space and/or her owners, and more.

      Either way, kudos, Bitchy, for the considerable tractor beam that is this blog. Well, this post, at least.

  34. Ralph Sciutti

    Celebrity is a noncontagious disease where most bouts usually last about fifteen minutes and for one to have recognized this clown they would have to been one of his few actual fans. I have worked in service and have cringed when management has comped Andy Garcia some schlocky t-shirts or sectioned off a whole room for Mick Jagger to strut about unobstructed while two bartenders made garnish and straw sculptures. I didn’t get why Cher and her bagel boy wouldn’t or couldn’t pay for their own beverages and we won’t talk about a clueless 70 million dollar NBA power forward and his airtight wallet.
    Unfortunately these experiences come with the territory and ultimately we shant let them affect us. For every fakir and taker their are others who overcompensate for their clueless brethren. I have had the fortune of meeting and being taken care of some celebs that truly appreciate their lot in life and do their best to spread the wealth. Theatre tickets, one hundred percent tips and enlightening, inspiring conversation have been a fringe benefit of waiting on these folks. Therefore if you are keeping score I, myself, would call it a draw but I do have one question. What if for his final course Mikey pulled out a Candyland board and proceeded to linger over an Espresso and this sickenely sweet escapade for a three hour dessert session? Just wondering.

  35. Paulina

    When I lived in Trieste (Italy, formerly Austria), there was this big old Austrian style café, where all the old guys went to have coffee, read last weeks Italian/Austrian/Slovenian newspapers and play chess for hours (days?). There were also a lot of university students, because a cup of coffee provided an excuse to stay for two hours at least, talk or even study in a place with a heating (landladies in Trieste do not believe in turning on the heating in winter). I do not know how the café owner made a living and paid his staff. Maybe your clueless celebrity thought he was in Vienna.

  36. dont care to defend cera in particular

    but people do this sort of shit all the time! maybe there’s not a GAME on the table but like, how often have i waited for a table when a group of two or three people is in a big booth (cause they probably got there at 6:30 when the place is empty) just sits and chats and drinks water and talks? VERY often. some people are conscious of this, some dont care. it seems like a big fuckin’ stretch to say its cause he’s a celebrity. i’d peg him as clueless more than anything.

  37. Jeff G

    Chess in a restaurant it tough to defend, but Michael Cera is a regular in many Los Feliz restaurants/bars in Los Feliz and he’s one of the nicest, down to earth guys in town. Waiter and patrons alike will agree.

  38. T. Harmon

    Boring… if it’s not noteworthy when a normal person acts like this, then it shouldn’t be when a celebrity does. Yawn.

    1. Lou C.

      The blogger seems very victimized by this event and the loss of her 40 minutes. So much so that she let it nearly ruin her evening, and likely her husband’s as well, poor guy. Well, at least she got a post out of it, albeit a very boring and whiny one. People, celebrity or not, are rude and inconsiderate every single day. This was just a complaint that went on too long.

  39. Juan Navarro

    I don’t think it’s celebrity, either A. He’ doing some kind sublime weird out of the blue comedy routine or B. He’s an oblivious ASS. Celebrity doesn’t come into play… I think.

    I would have told him something, maybe just a good look up and down and “Really?”

  40. cera fan

    I guess what i’m wondering if if anyone had the balls to tell him that you can’t PLAY FING CHESS IN A RESTAURANT!!

    I love michael cera but seeing that really pisses me off what a dick

  41. M.P.

    Who waits 40 minutes for a table anyways? Not me. There are plenty of great restaurants with shorter wait times all over the city. And if I am going to do it, at least I am going to do it at the bar. Once I read you waited 40 minutes, I knew already I was not going to like you Bitchy Waiter. I agree that Michael Ceras behavior was not great but for all we know he was paying to be there or perhaps the owner asked him or encouraged him to stay. This is a sad childish rant that lacks any sort of responsible journalism. Call the owner. Call Michael Ceras publicist. Find out what really happened! Thats responsible reporting. Are blogs what pass for journalism these days? And if he was paying to be there, then it does not matter if he was not eating. The same goes for if he was asked to stay. Look, I hate it when I get to a restaurant and its been reserved for a private party, but they have every right to it as long as the price is right.

  42. J. Wood

    Ha ha, I remember the Rolling Stone article that said he was unusually humble and unpretentious for a Hollywood star. Fun stuff.

  43. Christian

    If it was a nobody you would be correct, however this is a famous person. Think of them as a statue or ambiance rather than a table. You don’t give a band shit for being on stage all night and not ordering enough, or tipping poorly. Any owner WANTS famous people in their place for as long as possible because other people want to go where they may see someone famous.

    Now regular joes on the other hand…well lets just say I have made judicious use of the fire alarm on an exceptionally busy, rainy night. (make sure you call the station BEFORE you set it off)

  44. J.R.

    Are you people who commented negatively really that ignorant? This blog is called THE BITCHY WAITER. It’s made by a waiter who bitches! Like most of us waiters out there, we deal with bullshit from ignorant people (probably much like yourselves) on far too regular a basis and sometimes it’s a nice outlet to be able to relate to, and vent to others. There’s no personal slam on Michael Cera here- the writer specifically says, ‘I don’t believe it’s necessarily because [celebrities] are all horrible people but because they live in a bubble where people never tell them “no.” ‘ So for real, he’s not saying Michael Cera “didn’t have a right” to be there for a very long time. It’s simply that Michael Cera was being ignorant! But then again, as you negative Nancies know… ignorance is bliss!

  45. Jason

    I’m SO not bothered. You seem to place a lot of emphasis on restaurant etiquette. Which btw, was never really handed out in a rulebook. I respect your feelings on that, and do you, but probably wouldn’t hurt yourself to take it down a notch, or like turn to the person behind you you wished to share this message with, rather than publicly shaming them and hoping it falls in their lap by a million degrees of separation. But whatever.

  46. CatGriff

    Cera’s behavior was clueless, but the hassle he created for other patrons is totally the restaurant’s fault. The manager had a responsibility to tell him to keep ordering food or to take his show on the road–it was inexcusable to inconvenience dozens of other patrons on a busy night like that. Celebrities get away with this kind of shit because gutless, sycophant business owners tolerate it. Besides, hipster celebs in Brooklyn are a dime a dozen–even if Cera took offense (which I doubt he would have) Lena Dunham will be in line for a table next week.

  47. Lola

    Okk I have worked in bars and restaurants for a decade and yes, if someone did this in my section (literally “camping” at my table so that I can’t make any money off of it by serving anyone else there for the night) yes I would be irritated. But at the same time, it isn’t really that big of a deal. The guy is still going to pay his bill, eventually…and by him being a maintenance customer I can use the extra time to give my other tables more attention and possibly make a bigger tip off them than I would have if I didn’t have the camper playing chess at the one table.

    I would definitely NOT write a blog post shamming the person (celebrity or not, its lame). Its also a low how the poster of this blog dropped a little line about how their server recognized THEM (“Wait, you’re The Bitchy Waiter?? Oh my god, I love that blog!!”)

    There is a war over in Syria right now, people and animals are starving and being abused the world over, kids are being bullied to death next door…lets take that angry attitude about someone sitting at a 4 top playing chess, and direct it at something that actually matters.

    1. Deven

      I am really tired of you people who start complaining about people not “paying attention” about Syria and all that jazz. “If you want to be angry, be angry at *insert horrible thing happening in the world.*”

      Horror cannot be your constant focus at all times. If it was, you get over stimulation, and become desensitized. It’s part of why we aren’t all as horrified when things like Sandy Hook happen. Media over stimulation causes lack of empathy, because there’s something wrong with every part of the world… and you aren’t going to be able to stop the constant barrage of horrific images that cross your screen. People come to places like this to NOT read about politics. It doesn’t mean they don’t care, it means they need a break.

      You are also at a website called “the Bitchy Waiter.” You expect this to be a place for outrage at Syria? If you want that, find a political website and start talking about it there, because this really isn’t the kind of place you’re going to find that sort of outrage.

  48. Tony

    I just started serving at a popular restaurant about a month ago. Good food. Fast paced. Management emphasizes turning tables as quickly as possible to accommodate all of the overbooked reservations and nonstop walk-ins. On my second week, I had the pleasure of having the restaurant owner’s good friend, an MVP national athlete/celebrity occupy four tables. Not literally. In fact there were only four people in his party. All the other adjacent tables were left empty…for almost three hours. I had two four-tops and a two-top in that time. I was smirkingly told by senior staff “welcome to (insert restaurant name)”. This goes on semi regularly. I have accepted it as part of the job. Taking one for the team, if you will. Entitlement abounds whether for good or bad. The athlete draws business yet kills a server’s potential sales. Side note: The entire upstairs was reserved for his private party a week later. I actually benefitted from the overflow.

    1. Rachele

      It does not “draw business” when those waiting to be seated for dinner wait, and wait, and wait for a table to open up. In fact, I find those places full or rich, rude, and drunk gluttons, turn around and leave, and do not go back. Especially when I had reservations. So restaurant owners that play favorites to ugly celebs, beware! After that one time appearance, people like me will tell other working class folks who keep you in business NOT TO PATRONIZE you. Sorry! Not!

  49. Alex Dixon

    Beyonce was having lunch in Buttermilk Channel a few months back. I think a restaurant wants to be seen as a celebrity magnet. It’s cheaper losing a couple of tables a night than buying serious ad space.

  50. EdwardInSF

    Great article.
    Young clueless actor needs to read article and grow up.
    There are a zillion cafes conducive to playing chess for hours while one spends little money.

    1. Rachele

      In my experience, wealthy people do not tip well. Especially the ones that did not have to work while they went to college. Celebrities are always trying to con someone out of their worth, NEVER thinking that the little people have to work for hours/weeks to put food on their family’s table and pay bills and their rent/mortgage. They just do not have it in their capacity to develop empathy. Unless you are Oprah!

  51. TC

    If I’m the restaurant owner I want him to sit there for the entire evening so that people will wonder which other celebrity might be there next time they arrive. As a service industry worker for over 2 decades I get your perspective but there ultimately I think you are misguided.

  52. erik

    some people sit at tables and smoke after lunch… or after dinner. or before AND after lunch… so what if he sits there and stares at the ceiling? what business is it to any of you? he got the table and is sitting at the table. playing chess is a great reason to remain sitting, its really awkward to try and continue the game on the go…

    thats almost akin to say “oh why does that person not eat FASTER??!”. who cares if he orders a burger and eats it for an hour and a half? or twenty minutes? who says how much is ok, and after how much he should be kicked out?

    if you dont like to wait for a table, move on, theres other restaurants open with free tables.

  53. Mike

    News flash EVERYONE…. I am a server and have been there… But in that industry the guest is always right…. Even when they are dead wrong…. Who is to know the situation. Michael may have “rented” the table and paid a lump sum to the restaurant to sit their and play the stupid game. Yeah it is the wrong venue. I TOTALLY AGREE! And maybe the server got a great tip…. Who is to know… NONE of us…. So before ANYONE goes off in a rant. Learn the facts. You are all entitled to your opinion. But still NO ONE on here really knows what transpired… And this is coming from a guy who doesn’t like Michael Cera at all! His work is terrible and he is just one of those actors that will be around for awhile and then will fade away…. Don’t believe me? See the movie MAGIC MAGIC…. Simply dreadful… Oh one other thing…. That table he is sitting at hardly looks like a four top… I see the wall to the left of Cera and the end of the table to the right of Cera….

  54. bill

    if you don’t like the way a restaurant runs its business leave and go somewhere else instead of waiting 40 minutes. it makes you yourself sound privileged to think that you should be able to sit down inside 10 minutes while 2 other customers, who got there early mind you, enjoy a night of fine wine (I can see the glass in the photo), mussels, and chess.

  55. Rachele

    If I saw this happening in a restaurant as a customer waiting in line to eat, I would intentionally walk past the table and knock that chess board and all the pieces to the ground in hopes that it is damaged.

  56. Mojo911

    But, what if he tipped $400 at the end of the night? Would that make it OK? Don’t get me wrong – I think it’s pretty crappy, too. But, it would be less crappy if he tipped accordingly when he left….

  57. Mark s

    By your own admission the restaurant didn’t ask him to leave because he may not come back. It seems it was in some way beneficial to have Michael in their restaurant.

    They must be happy with the arrangement. Probably because people like to say they bumped into celebrities so it’s good for business even if he just ordered the mussels.


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