Yesterday was a tornado of activity with the Today show appearance. As expected, it created lots of traffic and discussion on the Bitchy Waiter Facebook page as well as this blog. As is my way, I would like to respond to some of the comments, specifically those revolving around my discussion of allergies. Here is what I said about allergies in its entirety:
“You need to be aware of your allergies, it’s not the server that needs to be aware of it. So, if you’re allergic to onions and you order that Philly Cheese Steak that has onions on it, the server’s gonna be a little bit disappointed because it says it right there on the menu.”
Well those 13 seconds opened up the floodgates to every anaphylactic shock allergen in the Western Hemisphere and they came after me like a mob of gluten-free bitches who want biscuits but can’t have ’em. First off, I never said I don’t care about allergies. All I was trying to say was it’s more the customer’s responsibility than it is the server’s. Maybe it wasn’t as clear as I’d have liked, but the whole segment was only 4 minutes long and it was live TV. My “disappointment” comes from the fact that many times people who are allergic to something don’t even bother reading the fucking menu to see what they can and cannot have. My example was spot on: if you can’t have onions, then don’t order something that is described as “smothered in onions.” If you are going to order the meatloaf and you wonder if there are onions in it, then sure, you should ask. And if you’re allergic to gluten and you order a chicken fried steak that is covered in gravy, I would expect the customer to know that most sauces have flour in them and that the steak will be breaded. This is what I am talking about. And if you’re “allergic to gluten” and ask for only a little bit of gravy, you’re not allergic, bitch. You’re just thinking it’s the latest way to get a beach-ready body.
But let’s get to the specific comments, shall we?
Jennifer says: When your restaurant starts listing every single ingredient and every cross-contamination risk “right there on the menu,” only then will I stop asking you what’s in the food and pointing out that my son has an allergy. Until then, I’ll continue to ask and you’ll just have to keep your “disappointment” to yourself. I sure hope you’d be more than “disappointed” if my child died in your restaurant because you were too much of a “bitchy waiter” to answer my questions.
I never said I would not answer questions about the menu, Jennifer. I just expect the customer to know which questions to ask. And you are right about me being more than disappointed if your child died in my restaurant. I would be extremely disappointed. Like bummed to the Nth degree because I have a pretty definite feeling that if your child died in my section, I would get less than a 10% tip and in my book, a 10% tip is a fail.
Sabrina says: So you basically apologize for not having more time to explain on The Today Show and then you cut and paste a comment so that others could make fun of fatal food allergies, as if they were a fad? So which is it are we suppose to ask about what’s in the food or not? I didn’t think there was anything wrong with her statement. I hope your proud of yourself! It’s people like you that my daughter cries almost every day. How about this…GO FUCK YOURSELF off a short bridge and get a REAL JOB!
Oh, Sabrina. Dear, sweet, addle-brained dumb as a box of hair, Sabrina. Yes, I did apologize to some people for not having time to further explain my stance on allergies but I also gave the opportunity to make fun of Jennifer. It’s what I do. But I want to dissect your comment more. I believe you meant to say “I hope you’re proud of yourself” and not “your.” And I am proud of myself. Very proud. And it’s people like me that your daughter cries almost every day? I don’t get that sentence. Are you in the habit of letting her be babysat by jaded middle-aged men who wear aprons for a living because if that is the case, you need a new fucking nanny service. My favorite nonsensical part of your comment is that I should go fuck myself off a short bridge. Again, I don’t get it. Pull the peanut-free nuts out of your ass and try to make some fucking sense. And “get a real job?” That is the most tired argument ever and I can’t go over it again.
Finally, Liz had this to say: Your comment this morning on the Today Show regarding allergies being annoying was completely insensitive. My daughter might die from eating a food with no nuts in the ingredients, but that has been cross-contaminated with nuts in the kitchen. Most deaths resulting from ingestion of an allergen in a restaurant are due to the diner not informing the waiter/restaurant of the food allergy so that they can take the proper precautions. You have misled the viewers of the Today Show and should recant your statement.
I never said allergies were annoying. Read the fucking transcript, Liz. What’s annoying is when people order crap that they are allergic to and they don’t bother to read the menu to see if their allergen is in the dish. I’m sorry your daughter might die if she eats something nutty and delicious. I don’t think I misled the viewers of the Today Show, but I would love a chance to recant my statement. Luckily for me, Matt Lauer gave me his cell phone number yesterday so as soon as I post this blog, I am going to text him and tell him that Liz wants me to come back on the show. Savannah also gave me her cell phone, but I kinda got a flirting vibe from Matt so I’ll reach out to him. Look for me on the show tomorrow. I’m sure it will be no problem to get back on. Thanks for the great idea, Liz. You’re smart.
Overall, the comments about the Today show were overwhelmingly positive. It was a lot of fun for me and the whole crew at the show were so nice. I am happy I got to do it. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go bathe in peanuts and make myself a gluten smoothie. Suck it, allergens.