A few days ago, I posted a picture on the Bitchy Waiter Facebook page that was making fun of those customers who tell us they are ready to order and then make us stand there for five minutes while they try to make a decision. How many times has a customer insisted they they know what they want and then you have to watch the bitch dig through her purse to find her glasses so she can lay her eyeballs on the menu for the first time ever?
“I can see you’re not quite ready to order so I’ll give you some more time, ma’am.”
“No, no no! I’m ready, I’m ready! Ummm, lemme see. Do you have salad? Wait, I dunno if I want a salad or not, I just had a salad two weeks ago. Do you have soup? Or what about onion rings? Hey, do you have one of those Awesome Blossom thingys? I’m trying to get in a vegetable serving.”
“No, ma’am, we don’t have Awesome Blossom Thingys. I’ll let you look at the menu a little bit more and come back in three minutes.”
“No, no, no! I’m ready, I’m ready. Hmmmmm.”
If you’re not ready, you’re not ready. You don’t have to make us watch you go through every single possibility. Just say you’re not ready and we will come back in a few minutes, I promise.
One person took offense to the photo. Why she is on a Facebook page called Bitchy Waiter, we will never know. If someone comes to this blog or the Facebook page and thinks something that they see is bitchy, then I feel I have accomplished what I set out to do. The woman who didn’t like the photo is named Lacy and here is what she had to say:
If you were a GOOD waiter you could help them make a decision…. God forbid someone earn their tip. I’m so sick of rude servers. When you’re a server you need to remember even if a customer is getting on your nerves, they’re paying you! jeez!!
Lacy, Lacy, Lacy, please get back into your suburban home, continue watching all the Dr. Oz episodes you have on DVR and shut the fuck up. If you were a GOOD customer, you would understand that you’re not the only fucking person in my section and I don’t have time to watch you try to decipher the difference between a roasted chicken breast and a grilled pork chop. We all know you’re going to order a cheeseburger with fries anyway. Earning my tip does not mean that I have to spoon feed you suggestions of what to order. I don’t know what you want. What if I suggest my favorite dish only to learn that you have a peanut allergy and you can’t eat the Chinese Chicken Salad? What then, Lacy? Did I earn my tip even though you didn’t take my suggestion? I will offer you my opinion if you ask what is better between two choices, but I will not suggest food if you haven’t even bothered to look at the menu yet. Giving a customer more time to decide what they want to order is not rude. In fact, I find it to be the opposite of rude. Rude would be me saying, “Look, you said you were ready to order so what the fuck do you want, bitch??”
We get it, Lacy. You’re one of those people who likes to remind us that the customer is always right and that if it wasn’t for you, we servers wouldn’t have jobs. Well, that’s a two-way street, Lacy. I can just as easily say to you that you need us because if it wasn’t for the waiter, all you would have for lunch is another Slim-Fast shake and a bag of Doritios. We servers do remember that even if a customer is getting our nerves they are paying us. However, do you keep in mind that even if a waiter is getting on your nerves, he’s still the one that is allowing you to have that love affair with all things deep-fried? Jeez!!
Lacy went on to say:
I get your frustration, but as a patron, it’s frustrating to see pages and pictures like this online. So yeah, I get a little annoyed to see that I’m paying people to go home and mock me on Facebook.
Here is my advice to you, Lacy: stop looking at Bitchy Waiter! Cut me from your life and you can be certain that you will no longer see these horrific images from me. Simple, isn’t it? Fare thee well, Lacy. Good luck dining out for I have reason to believe that waiters do find you annoying. Hell, I find you annoying as all fuck and I have never even waited on you.