I Do Not Want to Charge Your Phone

Dear Customer,

I don’t care about your technology issues. They do not affect me. Please do not ask me if we have an electrical outlet somewhere that you can charge your phone, because this is a restaurant and not an iPhone charging center. Why would you expect me to carry your phone to the side stand for you and charge it just so you can be sure to have enough battery left when you leave to play Angry Birds? No, we don’t have any outlets “right here.” They are away from you and if I take your phone and plug it in and it’s somewhere you can’t see it, who is responsible when water is spilled on it or it is stolen? Me. I get that you really want to have enough power to snap a flash photo of your calamari so you can send it to Instagram and Yelp, but it really isn’t my problem. The same thing goes for your iPad. And no, I don’t have “an extra charger” either. If you ask me to charge your phone, I will say no. I will make up some story about how our manager won’t allow us to do it.  If I see some random phone that is being charged in the side stand and I find out that it belongs to a customer, I am going to take that phone and give it to the dishwasher and ask him to go take another picture of his junk. It will be a nice surprise for you when you look at your gallery later: Juan’s big uncut burrito. Mucho grande, no?

Do not ask your server to charge your phone. 

Also, I don’t know why you don’t have a signal in my station. Maybe I would care a little bit more about a signal if I was allowed to have my phone with me while on the floor, but I am not so I don’t give a flying T-Mobile fuck about how many bars you have or don’t have. Put the goddamn phone in your pocket for thirty minutes and why don’t you try to have a real connection with someone for a change, like maybe with the person you came to eat with. Facebook will not dry up and blow away if you don’t check-in and no, we don’t give any discounts because you are the mayor on Foursquare. I don’t know what that means. Stop asking.

For those of you who do have enough battery to take pictures, enough already. At least let me put the goddamn plate down before you start doing a photo shoot of your penne pasta. None of your friends on Facebook are sitting at home waiting to see what you had for dinner. Trust me, they don’t care.

In conclusion, let me reiterate that no server wants to take your phone and charge it for you. It is annoying to us and not our responsibility. No amount of “pretty please” is going to make me want to carry your $200 toy away from your table and babysit it for the next half-hour. Do not try to convince me. And remember: if you do find a server to do it, you might just end up with some questionable photos of a very large Latino penis that may or may not belong to the dishwasher. Actually, maybe for some of you it’s worth a shot just to get your own private photos of a burrito dick.


Love, 
The Bitchy Waiter

 

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33 thoughts on “I Do Not Want to Charge Your Phone

  1. mrloro2u

    If someone asked nicely and it was not an immense amount of trouble for me, I would gladly find a place for them to plug in their device. If they didn't ask nicely…then I'm right there with you, but it seems like an easy enough accommodation for a guest.

    Reply
  2. Anonymous

    Omg-what drives me crazy is waiting on a party of 4 with everyone's phone on the table along with side plates, silver, butter, bread, etc…..no frickin room to begin with and youre trying to serve-pour wine or refill water. No one has the common sense to MOVE your damn phones because if I spill water on one-you're Shit Out of Luck. And somehow it will end up being my fault.

    Reply
  3. Valerie Wespesser

    I just want you to know that I have spent the last three days reading all of your blog posts, and I adore you. I have never been a server, but by golly, I will definitely be way more attuned to things that might make me an annoying customer. Love you, BW!

    Reply
  4. Jenn42

    Another point, Loro, is why should a restaurant you're going into pay to charge your device? (and be responsible for it ? and keep an eye on your kids ? and read your mind? and figure out if you know the difference between a latte and a cappuccino before its made? and, and, and…..)

    Reply
  5. Book Snobbery & Library Tales

    This is why we play the phone game when I go out somewhere with friends or family, they're all off and/or put away, and whoever decides to do something stupid with it..Gets to pay the bill.Also, there is no reason to ask your server to charge your phone, you should have done that before going out. There's no reason to be in a restaurant, take pictures of your food or check into things just because you're there. Servers aren't there to read your mind, charge your phone and babysit.

    Reply
  6. Server Please

    Ugh, soo annoying. Charge your phone BEFORE you go out!! For some reason, my restaurant has outlets all over the damned place and every customer takes it upon themselves to just go plug their phone in. Also, the "get off your phone" thing. I cannot tell you how many tables I have a night full of people that don't even interact with each other because they cant look up from their phones. Really?! And, I know our food and desserts come on pretty plates and the fondue looks soo awesome when its all lit and all, bit at least wait until I set it on the table to start frantically snapping pictures. (I'm looking at you, Asians!) And no, I don't wanna take a picture of your group. You're not even my table, and I'm in the weeds. But I have to because if I refuse I could lose my job. Sorry, went off on a little rant there. My restaurant is a tourist trap in Boston's Back Bay and ppl can't STOP taking photos of our food and each other…

    Reply
  7. Practical Parsimony

    I cannot believe someone would want a waiter to place a phone where the owner could not see it. Things happen. I cannot imagine a waiter wanting to be responsibel for a phone! AND, who in their right mind would put a phone on a table full of drinks and food? Obviously, I don't get out enough. I keep a charger in my house and one in my car. If I get in someone's car, I carry my charger. I figure my phone is my responsibility.

    Reply
  8. Rebecca Cowan-Thompson

    I personally was raised that if you bring anything to the table, hat, phone, pager, it's off before you sit down.(obvious exceptions being job required devices, i want the doctor to have his pager, selfish but true.) If you have kids be sure to leave a number for the restaurant, i never had a problem searching for a patron with a panicked babysitter on the line, they will find you. I have only said something to customers once. Family of five, each had a phone, they weren't talking at all, but phones blowing up. After fifth or sixth time hearing rings i finally mention that if they don't wish to silence their phones they will have to shut them off. They started talking and the phones never rang again. They had been texting each other the whole time!!!!

    Reply
  9. Aaron Maynard

    I was recently at place in Hilton Head Island, SC that actually had charging stations for the patrons to use while they were there. It had a sign that read, "Food For Your Phone"!

    Reply
  10. Anonymous

    Those who can arrange phone charging is great, but customers should realize that this is the exception, not the norm. If the establishment is built before all these iPhones taking off, they customers should not expect to get charged up while eating there. And certainly we are not responsible for your phones. Too much liability.

    Reply
  11. Server Please

    I did work at a bar for awhile here in Boston that actually has a charging station for various types of phones. However, it is stationary and the guest has to pay for it with their debit/credit card to use it. Which I thought was a fair trade.

    Reply
  12. maxi

    I once had a guest ask if she could charge her phone cos she was on call. "Sorry" I say, "The only plug is in the office which is unattended". she says that's ok as she really needs to keep her phone going as she is on call. "But what happens if someone tries to get hold of you when your phone is charging?" I ask. She actually expected me to check her phone every couple of minutes while it was charging! Sure lady, if you don't mind serving yourself….

    Reply
  13. Ginger C.

    BW, I found your blog a few days ago and I read all your past posts. Witty, insightful, what a great read. I have you bookmarked on my phone now and look forward to reading new posts! 🙂

    Reply
  14. Anonymous

    Wow, that is definitely a dick move. I've been stranded in a city I'm not familiar with, and I need my phone to look up walking directions. Or, it is getting late at night and I want my phone with me in case of emergencies when I need to walk to home. This costs you absolutely nothing, and every establishment I have been in has been kind of to let me charge their phone. I would definitely go to a different restaurant if you gave me some bullshit story about your manager not letting you charge phones.

    Reply
    1. Robert

      And if someone were to steal your phone while it was unattended or an accident happened
      and your phone was broken/water damaged you would shrug your shoulders and say, “Well, it’s my fault for asking you to charge my phone.” Then you would leave a good tip, write it off as a learning experience and go buy a new phone.

      Yeah. Sure you would.

      Reply
  15. Colleen FL

    Jeez people…shell out the $20 for a portable charger if its that important. I have one and I get a full charge from nada with it. Easy peasy if I’m low on battery and need it for something. I dont expect a restaurant to be able to safeguard my expensive phone while it charges. Its small, fits in my purse and recharges on my laptop when I get home. Done. Maybe print out the page from Amazon with them and leave it on the tables of any douche who expects you to charge their phone for them. Or tell them you charge a $20/minute charging fee. lol

    Reply
  16. Patty

    I agree that customers can be a pain but after Hurricane Sandy I needed to have my phone charged at a restaurant where I went to eat and warm up because I had no power or heat at home. Was that so bad? Was my waiter just faking it when he smiled and agreed to charge my phone for me?

    Reply
    1. Wendy

      Genuine emergencies and catastrophes are different! Entitled hipsters demanding you accommodate their wacky whims is different than helping out after an a cataclysmic event like Hurricane Sandy.

      Reply
  17. Brit

    I once had someone else’s customer charge his phone in the serving station, and stood there the whole time texting on it. It was so rude because I had to maneuver my way around him during a rush, and he didn’t acknowledge my presence at all.

    Reply
  18. Anjaweenie

    I think there are some circumstances where I would be ok with it but not for some random douche that spent too much time on fb. The hurricane sandy person, yes. Someone who’s phone was completely dead and needed to make an important call and didn’t know the number off the top of their head, sure. Most cases, fuck no!!

    Reply
  19. JuliaKAUAI

    if they look like a hipster i don’t charge their phone. if they’re old and nice i usually do but any special requests like oh do you also have a charger? fuck you then.

    Reply
  20. Suzie

    I get this all the time. “Do you have an outlet behind the bar you can plug this into?”..
    Um, no. I have outlets behind the bar, every single one of which is powering a cooler, our micro, a blender, etc. (i.e. vital equipment). Not only that, but every one of those outlets is harder to get to than if the outlet was hidden up the ass of an extremely large and angry Rhino. I am not going to crawl on the wet and dirty floor in order to go under the well, unplug my blender and plug in your phone. No, NO, no.

    Reply
  21. Rachael

    I had a customer come in one night who wanted his phone to be charged but didn’t have a charger. He complained that we didn’t have an iPhone charger (I have an android and would have accommodated him but I obviously don’t carry chargers for other carriers). Dude was drunk and complained about how he couldn’t find his wife. Continuing on, he obviously lost her because he was a drunk idiot. He also complained that I didn’t know what hotel he was staying at since I should apparently know all of the hotels in the area. Good luck sir, I bet you’ll be paying out on alimony shortly.

    Usually if I have a customer who wants there phone to be charged, I tell them straight up that I’m not liable for there phone since the outlets are out of sight and I’m working. I’ve had a couple instances of people forgetting that their phones were charging and left. They proceeded to call the restaurant complaining that they were stolen when in all actuality they were in the safe because I have some decency.

    Reply
  22. Pants

    Worked game 7 of the World Series in Chicago and some chick asked me to charge her phone while I was 4 people deep at the bar. No. If I get time I might find one. 10 minutes later no I still need to do my job, not here to accommodate your technology. Finally after she kept waving here hands in my face while I was still trying to balance various stages of 10 orders she called me a cunt and asked to speak to my manager. I told her I was not responsible for her phone dying and that she should buy a portable charger and if she thinks my job is to charge her phone then she can leave because people that are actually buying drinks are my priority. But now….. Since you called me a cunt….. No….. You can go fuck yourself….. No charge….. No drinks……no water…. Get the fuck off my bar. Yelped saying the bar was horrible because I could’t charge her phone on the busiest bar night in Chicago history. Go fuck yourself. You want your phone charged? Stop using it to stalk your boyfriend/girlfirend or snap chat people that know you’re a bore anyway. My job is not to coddle you.

    Reply

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