A Comment on Comments

This blog gets a fair amount of comments from readers and I read every single one of them. By reading them, I feel that it helps me keep my finger on the pulse of the blog and it allows me to know which direction to write. I am also constantly scouring the comments for that one that will inspire me to write my next Comment on Comments post. And here it is.

On the blog post Reason #525,600 Someone Didn’t Tip, anonymous had this to say:

bullshit on this story. If u expect the customer to pay your wage get a new job, you get paid at least minimum per state if u signed up for that thats what you get, I tip 10-15% more or less depending, servers expecting 20-25% eat a… That’s ridiculous. It is after all a “tip” get out of the service industry if u depend on this “tip” but why would u u make good money dont you? 

How could I not respond to this masterpiece of the English language? Move over Bard of Avon, because there’s a new writer in town and his name is Anonymous. Since Anonymous seems to have his own way of writing (sans punctuation, syntax or intelligence) I will try to respond to the comment in a way that his mind may perhaps comprehend it.

bullshit on u, anon ’cause this is a blog bout waiting tables and u u gotta no that, see? i did sign up 4 waiting tables in fact when i sign up they told me thats how it goes to wait on tables when people dont tip even though u no they no they should be tippin at lease 15%  i can make good money on “tips” but peeps hafta to tip 4 me 2 make good money on tips 20-25% eat a…That’s ridiculous. maybe I will get a knew job like a lawyer or doctor instead so i dont have tips no more, but u know those jobs are hard and waiting tables is easy. eat a…That’s ridiculous. dont you?

Okay, I can’t with that. I don’t even know what this asshole is trying to say to me. I think he is telling me to get a new job. And with the “eat a…” is he telling me to “eat ass” or to simply eat something of an undetermined nature?” I gather he is telling me to eat ass but he is too refined to actually type out the word. I don’t quite understand how eating ass factors into the equation here. Is it going to improve my tips? Because I am always looking for ways to boost my income. Maybe he is telling me if I eat his ass, he will then tip me 20-25% instead of his customary 10-15%. If this is the case, I suggest that he simply go to craigslist and find someone to eat his ass. Craigslist is crawling with ass eaters. That way he can go directly to the ass eating without all that unnecessary ordering of apps and entrees from a waiter before he gets to his dessert of ass eating. Why involve a waiter in his scat play? It seems like an extra step not to mention unsanitary for the other tables in the waiter’s section. Maybe table 12 doesn’t want to deal with a waiter who has just been ass eating. I could be wrong, for this is not my area of expertise, but I would think most customers would rather have their waiter eating ass off the clock. Or at least in the side stand or the walk-in where they don’t have to see it. Anonymous, good luck with your quest on finding a waiter to eat your ass for a 20-25% tip. Personally, I would need at least a 30% tip to go that extra mile down the Hershey Highway, but maybe somewhere you will find that server who is all, “Ass eating for 20%? You bet!” In the meantime, please continue with your comments on blogs. They are truly a wonder to behold and your skills with the written word are something I only aspire to.

Thank you for your comment.

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29 thoughts on “A Comment on Comments

  1. Krystale Bithoney

    Bravo! I am a huge fan of your blog and this guy clearly has never waited tables before or maybe he REALLY just wants you to eat his a….! . Maybe he just works at McDs instead? I don't know about you, but where i live we don't make mini. wage as servers, we make 2.50 an HR, so our income is majorly our tips!

    Reply
  2. Workingdan

    Should my server eat my ass, my tip would more or less stay the same. I tip what I can afford, which isn't much. But if I had the money, I would totally tip more than what's deserved, especially if my waiter was doing a great job.

    Reply
    1. Anonymous

      If you can’t afford to tip at least 15% then you shouldn’t be eating out. Cheaper for you, and stops the server from possibly having to pay extra taxes (since the government taxes us based on what it assumes we make, not what people actually tip us).

      Reply
  3. Jenellee

    You gotta thank people like anonymous, because without them we wouldn't have these "comment on comments" blogs that we love so much!! I wish I was as witty as you BW!

    Reply
  4. Anonymous

    I tip what I can afford, which isn't much. Workingdan, while we servers appreciate you "trying", you need to stay and cook at home. The tip should be considered part of the bill – and if you can't afford it, you can't afford your dinner, either.

    Reply
  5. seasonedbartender

    I hate to say it but it actually sounds like the dictation of Springs1. She could anonymously be trolling your page formulating senseless comebacks; her double chin vibrating with fury as she vigorously types pseudo sentences. Nice post btw..

    Reply
  6. Becky

    So according to anon, waitstaff should quit their jobs because the customers shouldn't have to "pay their salaries." Is anon advocating the abolishment of the restaurant industry? Sounds like a great bad idea to me!

    Reply
  7. KC

    According to this person, everyone who is a waiter should go get a new job where they can make more money. Then there would be no more waiters and when people went out to eat they would have to place their own order at the kitchen and then go and pick it up.

    Reply
  8. Bayonette

    My brother's socially retarded girlfriend also had a heart attack when I told her 20% is standard. She balked at having to "pay my salary" and said restaurant owners should pay us minimum wage so she could spend her hard earned money on the food. She said she'd be okay with them raising menu prices in order for them to pay us minimum wage. What she doesn't get is, if we only made minimum wage, there would be no servers anymore, certainly not good ones, because most of us wouldn't put up with the crap we have to deal with on a daily basis for minimum wage. I also don't get why she'd be okay with paying more for her food so she doesn't have to specifically and separately pay for service. Either way, she's paying. Just stop being an entitled princess and pay for your service. Sorry, that was a little ranty.

    Reply
  9. KH

    can someone please explain to this asshole that SERVERS DO NOT EARN MINIMUM WAGE!!!!! Why don't we earn minimum wage? Because a good portion of our income is expected to be earned via TIPS! Which is why we must declare our tips and pay an income tax on them too!When you go out to eat at a restaurant you are not only buying food, you are also being provided with a service. Your check only reflects what you owe the restaurant for the food they cooked for you. So now that you have paid for the goods PAY FOR THE FUCKING SERVICE!!If you have someone babysitting your kids or walking your dog or cleaning your house you pay them for providing you with a service, correct?? So please, we set up your table, brought you drinks from the bar and food from the kitchen while you sat comfortably. And then cleaned up your fucking mess!! We just provided you with a service. PAY FOR THE FUCKING SERVICE!! thank you

    Reply
  10. Bookgal

    What this poet of the English language fails to grasp is the REASON that servers make less than minimum wage, why its even legal, is that people are EXPECTED to tip. Its figured into their wages. If you can’t afford to tip you can’t afford to eat out. And its simply the decent thing to….oh wait, did I just try to link this asshole to decency? What on earth was I thinking!

    Reply
  11. Anonymous

    This was hysterical !! I love this blog…I wait tables also, have for 18 years at the same restaurant and can relate to EVERY story I have read so far !! Finally, a voice for all the under-tipped, over-worked, and stressed out servers everywhere…..you ROCK !!Peace….xo

    Reply
  12. Ashley

    Dear Bitchy,
    I discovered your blog yesterday afternoon and haven’t stopped reading it since. I’ve been a server for the past 5 years at a “western” chain and I can’t believe how on point you are with all of your blogs. They are just what I need to mentally vent about all the shitty people i’ve served in all my years. You are so witty and perfect and I love you. Just wanted to let you know you are appreciated. Also, it makes me sick the kind of negative posts i’ve been seeing on here.. and i’m sure i’ve probably waited on a couple of the assholes who wrote them. Table crop dusters of the world unite. xoxo

    Reply

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