One Pissed Off Pizza Delivery Guy

Not all pizza delivery guys are created equal it seems. Last week in Des Moines, Iowa, Chloe Teply decided she wanted to order a pizza to feed her face. The thing is though she didn’t have enough money to tip the driver but she figured, “No big whoop, I just won’t tip him.” Her mistake. The next morning, she found the door of her apartment to be covered in sweet frothy urine. With amazing powers of deduction, she determined that the only person who had recently been at her door who might have reason to piss the fuck all over it just might possibly be that guy who had hand-delivered her a Super Supreme Pizza, a  feast of pepperoni, ham, beef, pork sausage, Italian sausage, red onions, mushrooms, green peppers and black olives that she probably ate all alone in the dark while watching Twilight. And oh yeah, she didn’t tip him, so maybe he was upset. Gee, Chloe, you think?

“It’s just one of those things where unfortunately, I don’t have the money,” said Chloe in between bites of her sides of Buffalo Burnin’ Hot Wings and Cheese Sticks. A quick look of the surveillance video confirmed her suspicions and Pizza Hut was contacted and the guy was fired. Chloe goes on to say that maybe him being fired is not enough. “I mean, is he gonna come back and clean it up? I didn’t expect him to, but maybe I should make a few phone calls, you know? See what he’s doin'”

Yeah, he lost his job so he has all the time in the world to come back to your poor white trash apartment complex and mop up some pee.

Chloe, always the sensitive soul, also says, “If you’re gonna be really upset about things like that maybe you shouldn’t be a pizza delivery guy at all.”

Okay. No, I do not condone peeing on the door. Everyone knows that the delivery guy went way past the line with that move, but who here doesn’t understand his frustration? He’s not delivering pizza because it’s fun, he’s doing it to make money. I have said it before and I will say it again: tipping is part of our culture. Plan on it. If you can’t afford to tip, you can’t afford to order food or eat out.

I know the question on all your lips is, “But what would you have done, Bitchy Waiter?” I will tell you. I would have told Chloe thank you very much with a most sincere smile. I then would have gone back to my car and pulled out a pen and some paper to write down her address so I would be sure to remember it. I then would have gone home and pulled up a one of those websites that prisoners go to in order to find pen pals. I would have found some hot mess who is looking for companionship and write a letter on her Chloe’s behalf. Someone like this guy, Joseph:

 

His profile: “33 years old, 5’10”, 191 pounds. Hot, spicy foods are some of life’s simple joys I really dig. And do with enthusiasm! Likes to eat.” Sounds like a match made in Buffalo Burnin’ Hot Wings Heaven.

On the other end of the pizza delivery guy spectrum, I got an email from someone named Kitty. She says, “So today I ordered pizza from this little local Italian restaurant in my town. I usually have the same driver each time. I tip 6 or 7 bucks each time. About 10 min after he left I heard a knock on the door. It was the driver. Apparently there was an extra 20 stuck to the money I handed him and he wanted to return it. I was so shocked I let him keep it. I had to chase him across the street to get him to keep it lol. Having someone be so honest made my day and I hope I made his too.”

I would suspect that most pizza delivery guys fall somewhere between these two. Not all of them are going to pee on your door if you stiff them and not all of them are going to drive back if they think you tipped them too much. The only thing we can know for sure about this story is that Chloe Teply is cheap. Cheap, cheap, cheap.

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35 thoughts on “One Pissed Off Pizza Delivery Guy

  1. Anonymous

    Or how about the pizza delivery guy who came to my door – total was like $12. handed him a twenty he then 'spoka no english' and then said…'sorry….no change'. Batted his eyes and then left! I was so stunned – he def heard about that 'slick' move in the end! Thief!

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  2. KB

    "No big whoop, I just won't tip him." Have never liked that term "no big whoop" until now. Only you, BW.You know, I usually only tip three bucks/20% on one pizza but every time you write about pizza it sounds like most of your commenters tip more. I actually stressed about it a little bit after I ordered the last time and have been wildly over-tipping everyone else since then.

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  3. California Girl

    2nd anecdote restores the faith. Some people really are nice.Did you notice the tv station mis-spells pizza. On the virtual map it reads "puzza". Perhaps they're trying to protect the identity of the business :>P

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  4. Nathan Partyka

    It makes you wonder whether in his mind he thought he was really clever by doing it, and that perhaps no one would ever trace it back to him.Guess what buddy, even without the surveillance it would have been pretty obvious, however proving it would have been more difficult.Big brother is watching you pizza people.

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  5. Confessions from the Hairdresser

    Sorry to keep commenting and then deleting, my account is acting all fucked up.I totally condone peeing on the door. Maybe it will provide some incentive to tip in the future.The stupid thing was complaining, because HE KNOWS WHERE SHE LIVES. I hope he goes back and pees through her mail slot next time… …or lights her house on fire.

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  6. Vicky Gallas

    I delivered pizza for years so empathy with the driver is easy. If she couldn't afford to tip the driver, she should have gotten in her car and drove to pick-up the pizza; that's why there's takeout.What he did was over-the-top, but when some bleach-blonde living in a $million+ house told me to "keep the change" on a $40 Domino's order once, I dug her pennies out of my pocket and handed her the $.18, stating that she obviously needed it more than I did. The angry and indignant witch tried her best to get me fired, though to no avail. Giving a crappy customer their change back, whether they want it or not, is not something they fire over. ;)Yup – I knew people that dumped their garbage on the lawn instead though. lol

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  7. Unknown

    My kid used to get great tips delivering pizza to the local refineries in the harsh winter.Been waiting for you to write about the receipt with notation of "Single Mom, Sorry" on the tip line – the bill was $138.35.

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  8. Anonymous

    If you can't afford to tip the delivery guy, then WALK TO THE DAMN PIZZA PLACE YOURSELF AND PICK IT UP. Actually, DON'T FRIGGIN ORDER ANYTHING.Unbelievable how lazy people are.

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  9. Karen

    As a food runner, I understand tipping. I know anyone working in that industry does. It blows my mind when the bill is 23.49 and someone leaves $24. Or a single dollar. SHAME SHAME! Go to mcdonalds! Get your bucks worth!

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  10. Anonymous

    It must be a British thing but i have no idea why that guy felt he had a right to urinate on someone else's property because she didn't pay him an additional fee to do his job. A tip is voluntary, not a human right

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    1. J T

      In America tipping is customary. It is the norm. Tipped employees (waiters and waitresses, delivery drivers, some cashiers) make far less than minimum wage, example $3 an hour, and the tips we make from customers make up the difference. No, he didn’t have a right to urinate on her property, but she didn’t have a right to make him use his own car and gas money to deliver pizza to her when she deliberately planned to not compensate him for it. He basically performed a service for her for free. Yes, tipping is “voluntary”, but it is EXTREMELY rude not to do so. If you do not tip, do not expect to be welcome back at the restaurant, and do not expect good service from the servers you so rudely deprived of their salary. Furthermore, many establishments require servers/drivers to pay taxes on a percentage of their sales, not their actual collected tips, so when a customer does not tip, it often ends up costing the employee money out of his or her own pocket! I understand this is different in Europe and elsewhere in the world, but in America, this is how we do it, and if someone doesn’t like it, they certainly have the option to order their food to-go or pick up their own pizza.

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  11. Mrs. Katie

    I wouldn't piss on someone's door, but… I do think she deserved it for her ignorant attitude. Why do people keep saying they "can't afford to tip", yet they can afford to eat out and order food all the time??? If you're that broke, make your own food, or heat up a can of freaking ravioli.

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  12. Joanne

    If she's so strapped for cash that she can't afford the tip (which she said wasn't much in the first place) she should go to her local grocer. Pick up a Tombstone pizza for a few bucks and pop it in the oven.As gross and wrong as that was, they must be very bored there for that to make the news.

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  13. MaeZ

    I always tip $5.00 or more to the driver. No matter the cost of the pizza, or if the pizza place adds a fee already. I figure if somebody is paying their own gas to bring me cheesy, carby goodness so my lazy butt doesn't have to cook or go get it, it is worth the $5. Especially if the weather is shit or if it is late.

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  14. Anonymous

    I am from a suburb of Des Moines. Go figure, we finally make the news for something, and it would have to be this…. A guy peeing on someone's door because the person didn't tip. Way to make us all look stupid. Thanks Chloe and pizza guy. *rolls eyes*

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  15. maxi

    @AnonymousThats because in the UK we have a halway decent minimum wage (though it's a good pound off a living wage!) and in America if you work in a tipped industry you can be a paid shockingly low hourly wage. Hence why food is so cheap over there and why it is good to tip properly!Now you could argue that this calls for some sort of change in the law and blah de blah blah and you would be right. But until that happens then tipping service staff in America is v important!And, speaking as a waitress here in the UK, tipping is still expected. We don't wait on tables for the glamour of it! It is the cash in my pocket at the end of the week (so I can buy such frivolties as food and a bus pass). The minumum wage does nothing except pay my rent and bills!

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  16. Chelsi

    Reminds me of some room service orders at a previous job. The fucking hotel only had three floors but we would get people all the time calling down to have wine glasses or silverware delivered to the room. 99% of the time no tip. I’m fine with running you up a plate because you’re on vacation and want to be a lazy fuck, but I’m not going to do it for free.

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  17. Sherry

    I deliver pizzas on the weekends to supplement my income. 80% of people tip, but many times its less than $3. I’m thankful for all tips, of course, but people need to realize it’s MY gas I’m using, and MY CAR that’s getting the wear and tear.

    There’s one place in town (workers at a local plant) that regularly orders at least once or twice a week. Their order ranges from $75 – 140, and they NEVER tip. And they wonder why their order always arrives only 10 minutes before their break is over. I’m not breaking my neck to get it to them quickly.

    Regular customers who always tip will frequently receive extras.

    I like the pen pal idea – may have to put that to use!

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  18. Frazer

    I delivered pizzas for several years in the late 80s-early 90s. It was my experience then that maybe half your customers would tip you AT ALL. (Probably working in college towns had something to do with it.) Pizza delivery folks generally do get gas/wear and tear cash at the end of the night (at least, they did then), and do get a better wage than servers, but they still deserve tips, and I’m glad society seems to have (mostly) come around. Since my college experiences, I would NEVER tip a delivery person less than $5. And usually more.

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  19. Will

    I was a delivery driver for 4 years, and i can totally understand the frustration behind this. Especially when it’s a long ass distance and there’s a foot and a half of snow and zero visability. All of my co workers would bullshit about what we’d like to do to people who stiffed us, harmless banter, you know? We never actually did any of it. We did however, write down the address, and make the new guy take it. If that person got wise, we’d flip a coin. Delivery drivers have a special kind of stress. Thanks for doing the article.

    Reply

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