One Less Bitch in The United States

By the time you read this, I will be in merry old foggy London town. Yes, I poured myself into economy class on British Airways for a very bitchy European vacation. After a few days of wining and dining in London, I am going to see what waiters are like in Paris, France. I hear that all of them are old crusty lifers who are bitter, jaded, angry and hate tourists. In other words, it will be just like sitting in my very own station. If they are in fact as rude as I have heard them to be, I will be looking into a work visa so I can wait tables in a land where I will fit in. I bet you a Euro that they don’t have any Olive Gardens or Red Lobsters over there and I hear that servers get paid a living wage. It sounds like a dream come true. Sacre bleu!

In my absence, I have found several people who were willing to write guest posts for me, so The Bitchy Waiter blog can keep on rolling just like the actual Bitchy Waiter who will keep on rolling his drunk ass from bar to bar while doing some sightseeing and general tourist crap. While in London, I have plans to see Queen Elizabeth and Prince Harry. I sent out an email to both of them seeing if they want to meet for a Pimms Cup in Hyde Park. I haven’t heard from either yet, but I know Liz has trouble understanding how email works and she probably sent me a message via courier pigeon instead. As for Prince Harry, well, he’s been busy. While in Paris, my main goal is to drink as much sparkling Californian wine as possible.

Anyway, yes there will be guest bloggers. Please treat them with the same respect that I give to the customers who sit in my station. (Okay, that is hilarious.) Comment, share and by all means, go visit their blogs. The only thing they are getting out of contributing to The Bitchy Waiter is the hope for a little exposure, so please do not disappoint them. On the other hand, never forget how shallow and needy I am. If any of you forsake me for one of them, I will never get over it and will spend the rest of my life drowning my sorrows with tequila shots. (“So, what else is new?” says anyone who has read this blog more than once.)

I hope to be able to maintain the Bitchy Waiter Facebook page while I am away but vacation may get the best of me. My trusty admin Ron will be filling my slip-resistant shoes while I am away and he is much wittier than I am. Don’t get used to anything if the Facebook page suddenly seems smarter than usual. In a couple of weeks I will be back and it will be dumbed down once again.

Thanks, everyone. Now get out there and treat your customers with respect and understanding so you can be paid back in 20% tips and pats on the asses. As of this second, I am on vacation where it feels okay to drink before noon. (“So, what else is new?” says anyone who has read this blog more than once.)


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