He Said/She Said, Part One

Things did not go well at work last night. At all. Knowing that there are two sides to every story, I will explain the situation from two points of view. Today, we shall see it from the customer’s perspective and the next blog post will be from  mine.

HER SIDE OF THE STORY

So I went to this club last night to see some show that my friends were going to see. I never heard of the place and it’s not usually my thing but I figured since I had the night off and they said they would pay for it, why not? The show was at 7:00 and we got there right on time at about 6:59. The hostess was a total bitch because she asked me if I had a reservation. I just shot her one of my “bitch who you think you talkin’ to” looks and kept on walking. And then she was all, “Oh are you with the two guys I just checked in?” and I gave her my world famous “bitch I done ignored you once” look and strutted my ass in to my seat.

It was so crowded and they gave us the shittiest table in the whole place. I don’t know how people got those good seats close to the stage. They musta got there crazy early like at 6:45 or something. Anyway, when the waiter finally made it to our table, I was about to die of thirst already. The waiter seemed nice and I must say he had some fabu hair. He couldn’t have been a day over 27 years old. My friends ordered gin and tonics and I wanted me a vodka with cranberry and orange.

“How much is that gonna cost?” I asked the waiter and he was all, “I’m not sure but I think it’s about $11.00.” Dayum, these people are proud of their drinks, right?

About thirty minutes later, he brought the drinks to us. The show had already started by then. I don’t know why they didn’t wait until everyone had their drinks first. They acted like the show was scheduled to start at 7:00 or something.

About ten minutes later, I saw our waiter walking by not doing shit so I told him I wanted a cheese plate. He didn’t write it down and I knew he was gonna forget it. A bit later, he was walking by again and he didn’t have my cheese plate so I ordered another round of drinks. He tells me he’ll be right out with it. The next time he walks by, he is carrying a tray with about ten drinks and are any of them mine? Hell, no. What the hell is he doing?

“Where’s my drink? Where’s my cheese?” I said.

And he’s all, “I’m sorry, but you’ll get it when you get it” and I’m all “just bring me the drinks” and he’s all “I put the order in” and I’m all “so where is it then” and he’s all “I’ll go check” and I’m all “just bring the drinks and the fucking cheese” and he’s all “okay.”

When he came back in, he had the cheese plate and then he left to go get the drinks. He finally put my drink down and I see that there ain’t a drop of orange juice in it.

“Umm, where’s my orange juice?” I asked him.

And then he gets all bitchy with me and says there is orange juice in it and I can see with my own two eyes that there ain’t any orange juice in it and he tells me he will go put some more in it and I tell him he can’t put more in it if there wasn’t any in there to begin with. He grabbed my glass and goes to to the bar. Well, honey, I followed his (cute little) ass right to the bar ’cause I wanted to have some words with him.

“Excuse me,” I say to him. “You do not talk to me that way. I work at Caroline’s Comedy Club and I know how to treat a customer. You are rude!”

And all he has to say to me is “Here’s your drink. It has orange juice in it now.”

“You were rude to me!”

“Here’s your drink. Do you still want it? Here it is.”

“I am 56 years old. You don’t talk to me that way!”

And he tells me “Well, I’m 45 years old and here is your drink with orange juice in it.”

And I tells him, “You need to act your age then!” but really all I was thinking about was how good he looks for being 45. I could see some other people milling about the bar and I could tell they were totally on my side. I took my drink back to my seat. What a bitchy waiter.

After the show, he puts down our check and then he’s all trying to be nice by apologizing and saying he took both my drinks off the check for the misunderstanding. I ignored him when he said it because I wanted to show him who was the boss. He said it again and I turned my head away from him so he’d know for sure that I was ignoring him. Bitchy waiter.

My two friends seemed like they wanted to hang out for a while, so I left them to finish dealing with the check. I walked out and didn’t say thank you for the comped drinks because I wanted that waiter to know I was mad. That bitch of a hostess told me to have a nice night but I ignored her ass too.

I wait tables and I know how to treat a customer. So what if he was busy? He needs to learn to respect me. It don’t matter that I am in the same industry. I don’t care that his (cute little) ass got in the weeds. That ain’t my problem. I will never go there again.

Tune in to the next blog post to see The Bitchy Waiter’s side of the story.

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16 Responses to He Said/She Said, Part One

  1. KDog says:

    OK, now I'm dying to hear your side, cause I know it's gonna be good! Please don't keep me in suspense for too long :)And I've already decided that this woman thoroughly deserved a punch in the cunt, kudos to you for not strangling her. Or maybe you did, I can't take this!!! Hurry up and post part two!!!

  2. Spadilicious says:

    LOVED that she thought you had a "cute little ass" and "fabu" hair!!! But she still sounds like a bitch to me :)

  3. Uh uhhhhh … she gonna git it in part two. Fo Sho.

  4. Demzy says:

    This comment has been removed by the author.

  5. Demzy says:

    Funny story! Very entertaining, but not nearly as much as your side of the story will be. Can't wait. :)J'adore La Dolce Vitahttp://www.jadoreladolcevita.com

  6. Laura says:

    I can't wait to read part two!

  7. Anonymous says:

    27. Now thats hil.ar.i.ous.

  8. Anonymous says:

    She arrived at 6:59–"right on time". And so it begins…

  9. Dewsterling says:

    You work at Caroline's? Neat-o. I have somewhat fond memories of the place and feel much more sympathy about the trials and tribulations of the clientele, performers, and miserable air conditioning problems.

  10. I am DYING for your side!! I just know it is going to be amazing! That lady is a twat-waffle and deserves a damn good punch in the throat!!http://rantingsofamouthybitch.blogspot.com/

  11. Anonymous says:

    I love reading your blog it's ike a whole realm of people that totally understand my life!

  12. Anonymous says:

    Hope to read that you've hired a goon to trip that "nice sweet lady" when she's carrying a tray the size of her ego at her job at Caroline's. Patiently awaiting your side, ~PolishSpring

  13. Unknown says:

    "TWAT WAFFLE" !!!! hahahahroflmao!!!!!double snort!!

  14. Anonymous says:

    Where is your side?!?

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