An Open Letter to the Mysterious Disappearing Party of Nine

Dear Party of Nine Who Did Not Show Up:

There is a reason we do not take reservations at my restaurant. You are it. You see, we are a really small restaurant with only about 16 tables. Remember last week when you called and said you wanted a reservation but we said that we don’t take them but you begged us and so we did? We should not have done that.

You called on Wednesday night and said there were going to be about eight or nine of you coming to dinner the following night and could we please please please reserve a table because you are you are so totally coming to celebrate your birthday and you don’t want to have to wait when you get there. Against our better judgement, we did it. Thursday rolls around and I am at work. You told us you would be there at 7:30 and that you would call at 6:45 to confirm. You did not call. At the busiest time of the night, I stopped seating five two-tops. Four would have been better, but since you said you might have nine people, I had to save a whole extra table. Do you know how many people I was unable to sit because of your reservation? A lot. “But it will all be worth it,”  I thought. “When the nine-top gets here and everyone has apps and cocktails and desserts and then I get to add a 20% gratuity to the check, it will all be worth it.!” I was giddy with anticipation.

7:00: You did not call to confirm yet, but you must be busy getting ready for your big dinner out.

7:15: “No, I’m sorry, ma’am, that table is reserved, you’ll have to sit at the crappy table next to the bathroom. No, we don’t usually take reservations, but we made an exception tonight.”

7:16: Every table is full now except for the five two-tops I pushed together. I hope no one else comes in right now.

7:17:  “Hello, sir. No, I’m sorry, I don’t have any place to seat you right now, sir. That is reserved. Oh, so you’ll go next door to eat? Okay… good bye. I’m sorry.”

7:19: “Hi there. Table for three? There will be about a 15 minute wait. Yes, all those tables are reserved. Oh, you’ll come back later? Okay, thank you.” They did not come back.

7:25: Almost here!

7:32: Running a bit late, I suppose. No big deal.

7:40: Ummm, where are you?

7:50: Okay, I’m getting pissed off.

8:00: You suck. Where the fuck are you?

8:01: I am breaking the tables apart and seating them meaning that now I am going to get slammed by having five empty tables all become available at the same time. I hate you. Why did you make me keep those tables open for you if you knew you were not coming? Did you lose your cell phone up your own asshole which made it impossible for you to call and let us know you were not going to make it? We went out of our way to give you a reservation and this is what happens? Never again will we “make an exception” because too many times it is not worth it to do so. Our place is small enough that we don’t need to take reservations. We can fill up just by walk-ins. I hope that the birthday celebration sucked. I hope that when they brought out the cake with candles on it, you bent over to blow them out and your eyebrows were singed off. I hope the cake was as dry as Phylis Dillers’s vag. I hope every gift you got was the wrong size and wrong color and that you got no gift receipts. I hope that it was the shittiest birthday you have ever had because you ruined a good portion of my shift. My station sat empty for over an hour and I made no money. I hate you.

So the next time you want to make a reservation at my restaurant and you say “Pretty please with sugar on top can we make a reservation?” my answer will be a resounding NO. No. No. No. We do not take reservations.


Love,
The Bitchy Waiter

p.s. You’re lucky that the person who took your reservation did not take your phone number or there would now be a flyer hanging at Queens College that says you are selling an iPad for $150 and to only call after 11:00 PM.

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11 Responses to An Open Letter to the Mysterious Disappearing Party of Nine

  1. Setterhouse says:

    That's very bad form! Back home we have to leave a contact number for the restaurant to call and if you are more than fifteen mins late your table will be gone!

  2. Jes says:

    And this is exactly why I don't take requests for special exceptions. I do design work, and I might *hand out* special favors, but if you ask me for one, you're not getting it. Why? Those that have the nerve to ask don't have respect. Those that get special treatment right away don't value it. End result? You go out of your way for no reason. Never again!

  3. Anonymous says:

    Is there a reson no one had a contact number to call the asshole at 6:50 and tell him without the confirmation call the tables would be released at 7? They were wrong, but you could have avoided the problem with a phone call.

  4. At my place you have to give a credit card # to make a large reservation,and we charge a fee (which is taken off your check total) but… should you stiff? You lose $10 a head. Wankers.

  5. Krs says:

    I would MUCH rather have them NOT show up though, as opposed to show up, order drinks, most expensive things on the menu, be rude, make my job unbelievably hard, and then just leave. But both suck.

  6. This comment has been removed by the author.

  7. k says:

    This happens at my job, too! I work at a bar and grill and we have a much bigger restaurant, probably 200 tables, and sometimes we need to reserve space for 40-50 people, but the girl in charge of the reservations doesn't bother to confirm..so on a Friday night we are packed full and I have everyone at the front door telling me about all of the open tables we have..it's terrible and I hate to complain just because I am a hostess and I see all the bullshit waiters/waitresses have to put up with. But DO NOT tell me about the open tables I have. I have eyes, I use them everyday. Also, DO NOT ask about the weather on the back patio. It is the same as when you walked in the front door, only with an awning.

  8. Anonymous says:

    Dear server person, I am not some retail no it all dinner…I come from a family of restaurant owners and I cannot believe, in this day and age, there is no policy, even at a small place like this, that takes a credit card and cell phone for an exception to a reservation policy. In the last 3 weeks I have eaten with less than 4 people at 6 different, popular high end to middle of the road Boston restaurants and before you even ask, one of them only took cash…ALL 6 called to confirm the reservation…..if someone in my family or circle of friends tells me about a dinner they had to cancel, the first thing out of my mouth is did you call and cancel, did you call and say you would be 4 and not 6 and that YES that makes a difference to the restaurant, even if you are adding or subtracting 1 person it changes the dynamic of how the dining room is run that evening! When I get the why should I?, restaurants overbook anyway, I tell them they should know better and their grandfather would be disappointed. We text and email our every move and restaurants can send endless e-mails trying to find out how our “experience was" and then the restaurant allows something like this to happen and goes crazy with anger when they get stiffed by an obviously amateur or inconsiderate group..Shame on all involved, the restaurant, and the patrons, who both showed a lapse in judgment by not either taking a deposit or confirming and the patron for not showing up or calling. Bet you won’t fall for that again. Hope everyone else over tipped that night and you ended up with a good shift! I can assure you of one thing, if you are just venting, go for it, if you showed up at my table with this underlying, simmering anger, I would pick up on it, tip my usual 30% and then probably not go back

  9. Anonymous says:

    Sorry, Bitchy, that sucks!

  10. Unknown says:

    A person called at around 5pm and asked for a table for ten at 6:30. We pushed two of my four tables together and set it up for ten. By about 7:15, only four broads had shown up and one of them had three kids. The broad with the kids took their waters and breadbasket over to my only available booth and parked her kids at it and rejoined her friends at the table for ten. I said, "I'm sorry mam but we set up a table for ten using two of my tables. I cannot have your kids occupying a third table when there are six empty seats at the table we reserved for you." She kind of tried to give me the stink eye, but moved her kids back to the big table.By then we could easily have squeezed them into one six-top. They ordered soups, salads and a couple sandwiches and one cocktail. The bill was just shy of a hundred bucks when she handed me a coupon for $50 off when you spend $100. "I'm sorry mam, but your bill doesn't total $100." So they ordered a desert to push them up to $106. I put my 18% tip onto that total. It took them about 20 minutes to figure out why I charged them an extra 18%(on $106 NOT $56). I cashed them out and pick up the charge slips to find 0 tip. They were still discussing their nail biting habits so I went back to the table, "Excuse me ladies, which charge did you want to add the tip to?" They were simply aghast and made such excuses like they thought I would add it in, blah blah. "I can sure do that mam, but who's credit card does it go on or did you want to split it evenly?" Fina-fucking-lly she writes in a tip for $25. (good now get the fuck out so I can go smoke)

  11. Frustrates me reading this. Whatever fucktard took that call needs to be writen up or pay you at least $50 (if not more).When I get phone calls like that I always say in my sweetest voice, "we don't usually take reservations but I work that night (or so n so works) and when you walk in with your party I will make sure you are our #1 priority. Can you or someone in your party get here early and help me save your tables?" Usually they agree and I try to go over our check splitting policy and blah blah blah. On another note we had reseved a party of 30 and they pre ordered. (Which is very common) I called and verified the orders, had all drinks basically ready, put in the order….called them back and they were walking up…the kitchen had ALL THE FOOD COOKING…and they were at our other location 30 miles away. I loved explaining $500 in voids

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