I Hate Your Baby. So What?

Since today is the day that Dr. Phil re-aired the “Brat Ban” episode that I was a part of, it seems only right to have a post about children. If you are new to this blog, welcome. And what took you so long? I hope you will follow me on Twitter and Facebook. I bitch. A lot. I use bad language, say horrible things about people and complain about my job. If you don’t like that, please click here to leave this page post haste. Anyhoo…

Allow me to clarify my statements about banning brats from restaurants. I never once said that no child should ever be allowed in a restaurant. What I was trying to say was that if a restaurant wants to have that policy, then they are free to do so. When I said that people should take their children to a place that serves chicken fingers and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, I meant that maybe a restaurant that only serves lobster and high end steaks is not the place to take your screaming devil spawn of a child. (By the way, lady, I do think your child should eat processed chicken. Not because he doesn’t deserve steak, but because you get on my last fucking nerve and the processed chicken will make him have an extra stinky poop that you will then have to take care of.) As for Katie, who suggested I get another job, I like her. We are friends. She was playing a role and I thanked her for saying the name of my blog again. She’s cool.

I do think children should be allowed in restaurants, of course. However, there are a few things they should not be allowed to do while there. They should not:

  • Run around unsupervised. If I spill a pot of hot coffee on your tot because he was playing with his Hot Wheels on the floor, I will feel horrible about it because I hate to waste a perfectly good pot of freshly brewed coffee.
  • Lean over the booth and have conversation with the people behind you. Those people will pretend to like it, but they will not. Trust me.
  • Be parked in a stroller that is blocking a side stand, the walkway,  or your own table making it impossible for your server to do his job. Take the kid out of the fucking stroller, fold it up and find a place for it. You can store it in the coatroom, a closet or up your own ass, I don’t care. Just keep it out of my way
  • Go to the bathroom unattended because they always end up wandering around the restaurant after they pee all over the seat.
  • Cry incessantly while the parents pretend they don’t hear it. Everyone else hears it and it’s annoying as fuck. Take it outside.
  • Order something that isn’t on the menu just because that’s what they want. We don’t have to make a grilled cheese just because we happen to have bread and cheese in the kitchen. We also have the makings for Cockroach Ceviche but that doesn’t mean we are going to make it.
  • Scream. Period.
  • Use a cup that does not have a lid on it. You may think your son is ready for a “big boy glass” but we don’t want to mop up an apple juice just because you are trying to prove how wonderfully advanced your child’s motor skills are. 
  • Eat Cheerios. Unless you can be certain that the whole grain goodness won’t end up smashed on the floor and in the cracks of the booth, we don’t want it any where near our station.
  • Be barefoot. Do you have any idea how many glasses are broken each week in a restaurant and how half-assed we clean it up? Put those stupid fucking Kiddie Crocs back on those stubby ass feet and deal with it. If a child in my station cuts his foot on broken glass, I will be saddened that I have to mop up blood. Not in my job description.
  •  Sit at the table alone while their parents go out for a quick smoke. Servers are not babysitters and we don’t want to “watch them for a couple of minutes.” Seriously, parents? 

I could go on and on but I will stop there. It’s no secret that I am not a fan of the kids and people always assume that must be because I don’t have kids of my own. They would be wrong. I have a baby. His name is Albert. He is cardboard and he is prefect.

Download The Bitchy Waiter App for Android here.

Click here to follow The Bitchy Waiter on Twitter.
Click here to find The Bitchy Waiter on Facebook.

    83 thoughts on “I Hate Your Baby. So What?

    1. Confessions from the Hairdresser

      I think that pretty much EVERYONE on the show who was upset about children being banned from McDade's or wherever else COMPLETELY MISSED THE POINT. Instead of addressing the real issue at hand (that too many people are fucking lazy complacent parents with no consideration for the public around them) they took the debate to an area where they're more comfortable: anyone who doesn't want to be around disruptive brats must hate children. Obviously this is evidenced by dragon-lady screaming about steak and proposing a "noise ban" instead of addressing the actual topic of the show (and news flash for that bitch: noise bans are in place, and that wasn't the topic of the show). I still maintain that I despise "Katie" who was on the show for harboring the delusion that anyone who doesn't want to deal with her ill-behaved crotch-fruit should find another job… …however, in retrospect I'm now amused by the fact that she said your blog name while she was being a bitch to you. So I suppose her redeeming quality would be unintentional PR. But you're a brave soul, for having endured the ordeal of Dr. Stupid Phil. He's such an asshole and cumulative total of the audience is still not even a whole brain.

    2. Jill

      You hit the nail on the head: I personally hate a child interrupting my conversation to lean into my booth and go, "Hi. Hello". I use to patronize and say, "Uhh. Hi." Now I give the glare of death or totally ignore. We've also asked to move. OR, when entering, we've asked a hostess for the "non-kid" section. I've never met a hostess that hasn't giggled, winked, and helped us out. It's not that I'm rude. I just know if I'm near a child in a restaurant my personal experience there is going to suffer.

    3. J. Kuiper

      As someone who waited tables for 18 years, then spawned a child, I completely agree with you! We took our boy out a lot before he was 3 years old b/c he behaved and eats real food… since he hit 3, not at all… because he does everything I hated about kids when I was a server… so once he outgrows the screaming, "Mama, Mama, Mama" stage, we will return to dinning out again… until then it's Chinese Buffet or home…

    4. Nikki

      I love everything about this post. The one other thing I would add is this: If a restaurant doesn't offer a kid's menu, and your child only eats made-up, processed food, then please don't bring your child to that restaurant. We don't have a secret stash of chicken fingers in the freezer.

    5. Anonymous

      Case in point the fam and I went to dinner on Sunday (after the churchy mcpreachy crowd but before the attack of the blue hairs). Everything was great until a family with 2 snot-nosed screaming germ factories was parked in the booth right behind us. The parents let the kids crawl and climb all over the place. And OHMYGAWD the screaming. I think I may have lost hearing in my left ear because the sound exceed OSHA's acceptable exposure limit of decibels. Finally I got pissed enough to turn around and tell them (ok I admit it–I lost my shit) I did not appreciate their brats touching me, getting their sticky-ass germs everywhere and I was pretty sure I could speak for the county–no the state- when I said we just want them to shut the fuck up. I also told them they were sorry excuse for parents not to mention a waste of space. Just because they have kids does not mean they are ENTITLED to anything. Their lack of parenting skills and respect for rest of the patrons is completely unacceptable. The rest of us paid to enjoy our dinner in PEACE and QUIET. So have some fucking courtesy and do something with your brats. The resturant was pretty quiet at this point with the exception of my daughter lauging hysterically. My poor son-in-law looked liked he wanted to crawl into a hole and die, hahaWell the mom was all red faced shooting daggers and at me and the dad was sputtering and started to bitch back at me. I stopped him cold and said I outweighed him by a good 50 lbs and had no problems going outside and kicking his ass. You want to find out how much of a bitch I am? (Yeah I am kinda of a redneck woman)Well they left in a hurry. I knew the shit was about to hit the fan when the dad whipped out his cell phone. So we beat a hasty path out drove the back way around the parking lot (hehe) The cops showed up as we were leaving. So there may or may not be cell phone footage of me berating these people. oopsOn the upside our waitress got a 60% tip from us since the asshole family stiffed her. Not to mention I was hoping it was hush money since we frequent the joint. So yeah, not exactly one of my finer moments.Anonymity used to protect the innocence of my family

    6. Anonymous

      As a mother of a three year old and a restaurant employee, I totally agree with this. I take my son out to eat because generally, he behaves. If he doesn't, we leave. I'm not going to allow my child to ruin someone else's night because he's crabby as shit. I believe in taking children to family friendly restaurants, you'd never see me taking him to the kind of place I actually prefer to go to because the other diners are looking for what I am in that type if place-a quiet meal, a great glass of wine, and good, uninterrupted conversation. I also clean up the messes my child makes, if he makes one at all, and have taught him respect and manners. My son says please and thank you more than most adults. It's about accountability for the behavior of your child and if anyone disagrees with you, it's because they can't control theirs.

    7. Red Dragon

      I have to tell this story because the the Cheerios remark. I was 8 months pregnant and went out to lunch with my mom at a mexican restaurant. I had my little son with me, who at that point was under a year old so I brought cheerios with me to help keep him amused and quiet until the food arrived. They, of course, ended up everywhere. As we were leaving, Mom packed up the boy and I cleaned up cheerios from the table and booth. I was getting down on the floor to pick them up when my server came around the corner and saw me. He got this horrified look on his face and said "Oh, God, Ma'am….please don't do that!"Yes….I left him a good tip.

    8. Anonymous

      I very much agree with all that was said….however I do have a real child! I am also a waitress but at a resturant with a kids menu. I have to deal with the children, although I still think the parents should pick up their messes, not let them run around, etc. I usually dont take my child out to eat unless hes listening very well that. I find it rude to take a bratty ass child out to eat and ruin everyone elses meals. For the first two years we never took him to a resturant, because he was just a baby and well babies cry for no reason and make huge messes and throw tantrums. I feel like these parents have no manners and no common sense!. your child is not an accesory you take out to show off! wake the hell up, take care of your child and please i beg you please teach them some damn manners!!!!

    9. Anonymous

      I agree with you 100%. Nothing gets me more agitated than going to a bar or nice restaurant with my husband, only to find it swarming with kids, or containing that one child that refuses to shut the fuck up.My best friend has a three year old, and as much as I love her, I get second-hand embarrassment when we go out to eat and he daughter makes a huge mess, stands up in her seat and talks to the people behind us, has a tantrum, or spills her drink (yes, her mother is one of those people who insists in getting her a "Big Girl Cup", which she promptly dumps all over the table and herself).Parents, take your kids to age-appropriate restaurants, train them to behave, or stay the hell home!

    10. Practical Parsimony

      I actually develop sheer, unadulterated hate for the child who stands on a seat and hangs over me, TOUCHES me, hangs over the person I am with and talks to me. I just say "turn around and sit down" as I give them an evil look. Some parents are mortified their child is bothering someone. Most all have the "my child is entitled to bother you, interrupt your conversation and meal, touch you and drop food all over you" attitude. One woman said, "She is just a child and does not know any better." I said, "But, you are an adult and do know better. You should not allow her not to do things that infringe on my meal enjoyment." The brat was dropping food down my back, and I pointed that out!I got a lot of lip and called the waiter, explaining the problem and the conversation loud enough for the whole restaurant to hear. Of course, I used my "please help me" voice. The woman was seething, swearing, and left. Good!I reared my children NOT to stand on seats, sofas, or any sitting place. The ex thought it was okay for our 18 mth daughter to run up and down the sofa because, "She is so little and cute." So, I get the entitled attitude of "my child is the exception."My friends had children in third grade and up who walked on living room furniture and jumped off it all the time. You just know that restaurant furniture was treated the same.

    11. Anonymous

      We are parents of a two year old. We've been taking him to restaurants since he was three days old. We've had the issues with the cheerios and food all over, we try to clean up and leave a large tip for their troubles. If he acts up we feel that it's our responsibility to control the situation. There are many times one of us finishes up while the other has taken him to the car. Since the time he found his voice we've stopped taking him to the nicer restaurants and stick to the restaurants that are usually louder than him such as sports bars.Our son likes to flirt with the waitress and just people in general. If people don't like it they can feel free to ignore him. He has no problem finding someone else that will flirt back!We feel restaurants have the right to serve whoever they want to, if someone has a no one under six policy that's fine, maybe we'll make that our date night restaurant. Parents need to learn about their children and know their limits. Our son teaches us new limits all the time!

    12. Valerie

      I completely agree with you. Personally, I wouldn't care about children, if their parents actually took the steps needed so this ban wouldn't be needed.

    13. Tory Richards

      Watching Dr. Phil right now. I have children and grandchildren and I love them. But I don't want to be sitting next to screaming, ill-mannered children either. When I go to a place to eat I want quiet where I can enjoy my meal and the person/people I'm there with. I would be the one to ask to be moved, or complain to the, yes you, waiter. Sorry:)

    14. Leighannn

      during the show it was presented as though the people who wanted "brats" banned were bad people but I think you have presented your case well. Having children running around unattended and jumping around is unacceptable.Whether parents like it or not it's poor parenting.I am a parent and we do not have these problems.also? Leaving their child alone while they go and smoke???That's a whole other issue I had no idea was happening!!!

    15. Anonymous

      This is a parent problem not a kids problem. I agree that there are places where kids dont belong and there are parents who seem oblivious to the fact that they have an annoying child. I see them on the subway running up & down the cars, in stores running around and riding scooters. it's annoying. I would frequent any restaurant that bans kids because I don't go out to listen to screaming rude kids while their parents sit there and do nothing. And yes I don't have kids but I was one and my mother took us to the beauty salon when she was getting her hair done. She told us in advance how to act and we sat there with toys or coloring books not bothering everyone else. No one has to endure someone else's rude out of control kids.

    16. Mark W

      I want to be the president of the United States for one reason, and one reason only. I want to run on the platform that I will pass a law the says no child shall be allowed into a restaurant or movie theater until he is able to pay for it himself. The exception would be movies or theaters that have a "kids welcome" time. A lot of movies have mother matinees where the moms can take their screaming brats to the movies with them, and that's great. The mothers that go know dull well that they'll be in a theater with a bunch of crying kids, and that's what they're paying for. If a restaurant wants to do the same, say "Hey, your kids are welcome from 3-6," then that's fine. That way people will know that from 3-6, they're paying to eat with a bunch of brats sharing their meal with them.Other that those exception, no kids in restaurants and movies until they can pay for it themselves.

    17. bob1

      Dude… after watching Dr.Phil I had to come on here and tell you… clearly you are a homosexual and that's why you hate kids, because you will never have any offspring through your anal actvities with the prep cooks at your restaurant. Secondly, everyone hates their job and complains about it, this doesn't make you special just because you blog about it and dim-wits get off reading it. Cleaning up broken glass and spills caused by your guests…newsflash… IS YOUR JOB. You are there to serve your guests in any which way possible not just what it says in your "job description". Maybe that's why you're still a server at your age. I hope you get aids next time you fuck your boyfriend. You're a disgrace to the service industry.sincerely, bob

    18. Anonymous

      Dude, you are absolutely correct about kids in restaurants. I have a son, and I got roped into going to a 'nice' restaurant (by a friend) when my son was 18 months old. My son was not happy, and when he started misbehaving in the restaurant I took him out of the restaurant and stayed in the car while my (now ex)friend ate her dinner. I didn't punish my son (he was too young to understand a punishment), but there is no reason that other diners should have to put up with my child having a meltdown. I also taught my son to behave in public – if all parents did that, none of us would have to deal with kids acting up in restaurants.

    19. Anonymous

      I hate brats in high end dining rooms. I wonder what these parents would do if a drunk and their group came into a family restaurant and ranted and raved using the f bomb etc in front of their kids

    20. Mark W

      Dear Bob1,I, too, am a homosexual male. I happen to have THREE children (all produced from my own sperm, if you can imagine!) and am a real father to them. I raised them for most of their lives.So much for your theory on why Bitchy hates kids, huh?No love,Mark W

    21. Anonymous

      Currently watching the episode now. Dr. Phil asked the audience: "How would you deal with a child who is extremely loud at the table next to you?" and the majority of the audience answered: "Ask the waiter to confront the parents." I literally felt my jaw drop as soon as I saw the results of the poll. Working in a restaurant for 11 years, and being a waitress for 3 of them, I can say that I have dealt with my fair share of "complicated" tables. However, it is in no way professional to ask your waiter/waitress to confront the parents of the child and ask them to leave. Not only is it rude to make someone else handle your concerns about something we have no control over, but it puts the server in a very awkward position. Not only are you making your server uncomfortable by putting them in that position and having them to essentially tell another guest that their child is bothering other people, but it puts them in a position of vulnerability. If the same server was waiting on the table with the rambunctious child- you had better believe that the parents will become upset, accuse you personally of attacking them, and therefore it will effect your tip on that bill. Everyone has a right to be out in public- therefore, if you are not pleased by your surroundings, take the matter into your own hands and change your environment. You can personally confront the parents, but please, PLEASE, do not put your waiter in that situation.

    22. Anonymous

      I heart you!! Yes I have a child and sure I see the points of the "don't ban my brat" parents but you are all over it. Personally I have been fortunate enough to have given birth to an oddly polite and well behaved child. But for those out there who use the "just a kid" excuse, get a grip. Oh and FYI, if a parent EVER asked me to watch their kid while they wandered off to do anything…are you kidding?! People get a grip and let the man do what he does.

    23. Anonymous

      I have only been watching the show for a few segments and I want to smack that Tiger Mom in the face. With a shovel. Feed your child steak at home,Ma'm. I am so sick of badly behaved kids in high end restaurants. NOT all of us love children. NOT all of us want to have to put up with them running around like loose cannon. (Yes the plural of cannon is cannon.) You chose the hellish job of parenting. Don't make the rest of us suffer.

    24. Anonymous

      I agree with everything you said!!!I run a daycare and the last thing I want to hear at the end of the day, when I'm out spending my hard earned money and trying to have a conversation with my husband, is a screaming brat. It grinds me to the core. Take your screaming bawling brat the hell out!! And I also don't want some kid leaning over the booth chatting with me, drooling, making googley eyes, etc. Turn the hell around I don't want the entertainment!! Now don't get me wrong, I obviously love kids since they are my job. And I have a teenager of my own. But it's just rude to have to listen to that shit while I'm trying to have a pleasant time.

    25. Dee

      The people in the audience who were upset were being deliberately obtuse.I agree with everything you said on the show and in this post.And I am a parent. When my son was young, and I decided to try him in a "grown-up" restaurant, I was ready to take necessary action as needed. He was 4 and understood English, as well as the fact that Mom made the rules and he followed them.What I told him was that if he did not behave well, we would leave, whether he had eaten or not. We went to Shoney's during a slow time of the day. The waitress brought his placemat with crayons. At first, he was good with it, then he tried to color on the table. I told him to stop. He lobbed a crayon.I placed a $10 bill on the table, grabbed him by one arm and started marching him toward the door. We met our server on the way out, and I explained to her that we had to leave because my son could not behave. When we got to the car, I told him I would not be a good mom if I let him behave like that.For another month, I would not even take him to the McDonald's drive through. Every time he asked, I told him I didn't think he could behave when we went out to eat, and I would not be a good mom if I allowed him to act up and ruin other people's meals.After that period of time, we went back to Shoney's. He was a little angel, unlike a little girl seated not far from us with her parents. He watched her intently, then looked up at me and said, "Gosh, she must not have a very good mom…"That was the first and last time I had to remove my son from a restaurant for his behavior.But he always knew I would.

    26. Anonymous

      I love this waiter and he is right you should only take Iyour children were they know how to act…. I take my children everywhere and this is because I know and they know you do not act an ass in public… They do bring snacks but if a mess is ever made I do clean it, I understand I have no maids. They know to say please and thank you because in my home rudeness is just not exceptable and there are consequences. They know you are to treat people the way they would treat me because I could be this waiter and all people to be respected….. But at home they can make all the noise they feel like and it doesn't bother me…….

    27. Anonymous

      Wow that last lady was unbelievable. "stop this stop that" Instead of telling her child what NOT to do, she needs to tell her son what he CAN do instead. I'm a teacher, luckily to 5th graders and not the little ones. I would rather deal with attitudes than screaming tantrums. Ugh. Nice job on the show today. RachelLa Plata, Maryland

    28. Anonymous

      I have to completely disagree that I should be the one to insist the parents at the next table control their children. If the servers aren't comfortable making the request I believe the manager of the restaurant should intervene. Are you sure you don't want the responsibility because you fear the crappy tip if you intervene. How different is that from having the usher at a movie theater speak to disruptive patrons.?Customers are not responsible for the ambiance of the restaurant, the manager and his employees are. Having said that, a pox on the rude obnoxious parents who unleash their brats on the rest of us.

    29. jaimez1313

      Dear bob1,There are several things we can learn about your grossly homophobic ignorant post:1. You've never been a server. In fact, I bet you've never had a real job in your life.2. Your way overboard irrational hate toward homosexuals is an indication that you are harboring your own homosexual tendencies. 3. The fact that you think a server is there to serve their guests in "any way possible" is the reason this blog exists. You ignorant, entitled, sorry excuse for a human being. 4. The fact that you wished aids on someone you've never met shows that you are clueless about appropriate levels of emotion and/or anger. You probably have a trail of broken, unhealthy relationships and I bet you hit women. 5. You are unfit to mingle with the general population. Please continue living in your parent's basement and cut your internet connection immediately.

    30. Anonymous

      Wow. Bob, you seem like a sad, small minded person. Clearly he is not the only one who doesn't wish to dine with nor cater to small children. Your ridiculous conclusion that he hates children and therefor must be gay is the most idiotic assumption I've ever heard of. Based off of your assumption, I'm going to go ahead and assume you're a virgin. I'm sure no decent woman in her right mind would ever find you enjoyable company. So next time you're rubbing one off into a sock, using your tears as lube, I hope a rabid dog breaks in and bites your dick off. That way we won't have to deal with you breeding and creating more mindless dumbasses.

    31. Anonymous

      What about the parents who want a quiet night out away from their kids only to have their fine dining experience ruined by parents clearly intent on taking their screaming banshee everywhere? I wonder what the reaction of these folks would be if THEIR experience was sullied by a stranger's monster.

    32. Trix

      I 100% agree with you. There is hardly anywhere I can take my well behaved, clean and vaccinated dog, yet I have to put up with loud, contagious, spittle-soaked misbehaving children at a good restaurant where I am spending my hard earned money? No. No, thank you.

    33. Frank Ackerman

      You should stand tall on your thoughts, I have children and I would completely understand a ban where kids are not allowed. Now my kids are well behaved never yelled or screamed or through a fit in a restaurant or any where honestly. Thats not the point. And the one lady who mentioned there should be a "noise level" ban and not a ban on kids is crazy. Noise Level is subjective and would have the waiters acting like police. It just doesnt make sense. People know your kids and dont expect everyone to accept them – comon ridiculous i tell you.Frankhttp://ackweb.com

    34. judi

      i just watched Dr Phil..you said what I have been thinking for 65 years! I have 3 children and five grandchildren. They were not allowed to act up or make a mess in a restaurant. I was a server myself for years..it wasnt for me because I told parents what I thought! I think you ROCK!!!

    35. Anonymous

      You rock. You are right. Its too bad those idiots tried to make it about something it wasnt. So annoying. People shut ur kids up when they are loud!!!

    36. Titia

      I agree with you. It's about parents knowing their child's capabilities at what ever age they are at and the type of restaurant. I don't care what anyone says, no one should be going to a really nice or high end restaurant with their small child. I was a waitress for two years and there were some bad ass little crumb snatchers that damn near destroyed the place every time they came and there were those that made little messes but these were okay because the parents actually tried to clean up their children's messes. Those are the customers that I appreciated and did the most to accommodate.I don't have kids of my own yet but when I was coming up ,my brothers and I would get the business if we even thought about acting a fool in public. I think I will keep that going when I do have kids of my own.

    37. Anonymous

      Dear Bitchy Waiter,I <3 you. 🙂 I just caught your re-run of the Dr. Phil show. Now regularly I don't watch Dr. Phil, unless I am at my grandmother's house as she thinks Dr. Phil is God, but when I saw the subject tittle my interest was piqued.I just want to give you one huge standing ovation.parents in the audience, shut the fuck up and control your spawn.I've been a waitress in a family style restaurant and a higher class place. I dealt with screaming kids in both. It's equally annoying in both settings, but the difference is that one is appropriate to bring your kids to and one is not (but it is NEVER appropriate for them to scream bloody murder). People who are paying $25 plus for an entree are paying for the ambiance as well as the food. They are not paying to have your snot nosed brat scream while you ignore them and chat with your dining partner- I know you can fucking hear them! How about we go by this, if the place has a designated kids menu it is appropriate place to take your children. I now work for Starbucks. Oh boy is it fun. I've had kids throw screaming tantrums and knock their fucking hot chocolate all over the floor and then the parents have the nerve to march up to the counter and demand I make their brat another hot chocolate- and company policy forces me too- and then I have to go mop up the spill while the brat is still screaming.Do I support a brat-ban? 100-fucking-percent. Let's hope it catches on. Won't patronize a restaurant that doesn't allow kids? Fine, suit yourself. I- and a hundred other people- will happily take your place.Please keep being a Bitchy Waiter :)Love,The Bitchy Barista

    38. gigi wolf

      It seems the people who agree with the brat ban and who only bring children to the restaurant who know how to behave, are former servers. I felt the same way reading comments on flight attendant posts. No way to get rid of flying brats until you land! When I flew, parents wanted extra seats for napping children; they wanted us to 'entertain' their children; they would leave dirty diapers on trays and on the galley counters; they don't control the screaming, the kicking, the running in an aircraft which had less room to work than a restaurant, etc etc. Parents feel they are being good parents by taking infants and toddlers on trips they won't even remember, and regardless of whether they may have ear problems. The upshot is if restaurants can ban cell phones, they can also ban bad behavior on the part of their patrons, no matter the age of the patron. Just as people wouldn't stop speeding or driving drunk until they were punished with hefty fines or jail sentences, this situation won't change until there are consequences for the offenders. Parents are doing their children no favors if they raise someone who isn't accepted in polite society.

    39. Anonymous

      Amen to the banning of screaming arsehole kids in public and Id also like to ban those gargantuan douchebag Hummer size strollers they all ride their little special snowflakes around in.Any other old farts will remember those folding umbrella strollers we used in the 70s which you could just partially fold the kid up and chuck it on the bus and never had to run over peoples feet.Good times.This reminded me of two of my small towns uppercrust mommies who lunch who would sit and bitch about their hotel owning and doctor hubbies while their fucking brats smeared ketchup and burgers and fries into the walls and carpets which took my minimum wage ass hours to clean up.Fuck kids. When did they become the most important thing on the planet.

      1. guest

        You’re an excuse for a kid hater in that you bitched about kids but called old people farts. If you hate brats, don’t ever call old folks farts ‘cuz you might be one of them. And if you are child hater, you should respect old people except ones who are jerks.

    40. Jennifer Canale

      Just watched the show. What you said was RIGHT ON THE MARK!!! If there were more restaurants that had a "no young children" option, I would definitely frequent them! I laughed so hard when I read what you wrote I could hardly breathe! Keep it up!

    41. Anonymous

      I just came into the DP show half way through and immediately had to check out your blog. I was a waitress for about 5 yrs. I totally agree with you. And I certainly do not hate children. In fact I have dedicated my life to them as a professional educated nanny of 25 years. My expertise is with toddlers and preschoolers. I have always taught my charges to behave well in public, if they didn't, we left. No question, no hesitation (you may have to eat cereal for dinner but it won't kill you – I promise). When they were babies and we were in a restaurant there was more leeway with behavior that would keep them quietly entertained. If they were ever out of control I took them outside, whether I dined with the parents or without. I have been to many hi-end restaurants with toddlers and virtually never ate there but took my dinner home in a box. I realize its easier for a parent to make that choice if they have a nanny but if you are not willing to make that choice then don't go. Period. Take a babysitter if its that important to you. The only slight disagreement I have with you, BW, is on the messes kids make. I don't do sippy-cups (originally called training cups), except for babies who are actually being trained. Instead, I actually do the hard work of teaching them to use an actual cup. I could go on about this but I won't. I also don't do juice. It is not a food group and should not be a predominant part in anyone's diet. They won't die if you give them water or milk, I promise. And how much should you give them at a time? Only the amount that would be OK to spill, which, for those you who don't understand the concept here, is only about 1/4-1/2 cup. Any more would leave a disgusting puddle in the carpet. Who wants to dine where there is rotting milk or juice in the carpet? Think people, think. As far as Cheerios,etc? Sorry BW, a reasonable amount is part of your job. Of coarse, the higher-end the restaurant, the less mess you should allow your family to make. Though no mess should be left unless you are willing to shell out a minimum 25% tip. Servers make minimum wage (in some states only 1/2). Having to clean up this type of mess should be considered as an 'extra service' for which the server should be compensated extra. Nay, nay you say? If you are not willing to pay for the extra service you demand then don't go. As far as letting your kids run around… Shame on you for allowing your child to be in a dangerous situation. I'm sure most of you are the type of parent that would sue the restaurant if your child was injured, even tough YOU would be the one who was clearly negligent. I can't stand parents that insist on having children then refuse to do the work it takes to raise them responsibly. …Hmm… Maybe I should a blog called The Bitchy Nanny….

    42. Anonymous

      I have four kids; ages 14, 11, 7 and 4. When we go to a restaurant, they walk in quietly, sit at the table patiently and speak in a voice that is acceptable. They have fun, but don't disrupt the other diners. They actually glare at other kids who act stupid and think those kids have lost their fool minds. People have actually come up to our table and complimented our kids on how good they have been and I'm thinking, "Why are my kids the exception and NOT the rule?" I get so pissed off when I teach my kids the proper way to act in a restaurant, only to have some morons bring The Beelzebub Babies in to show their asses in every nook and cranny of the establishment.And as a mom, I have absolutely NO problems with child bans, even my own kids. Some restaurants have every right to cater to the older crowd and not have to deal with rowdy ankle biters. Why SHOULDN'T grown people be allowed to have some selection? Besides, I know how to use the internet; if that restaurant doesn't allow kids, I find another one. No feathers ruffled, no nose out of joint. I think some people have just gotten too dang sensitive. No wonder the kids are brats; their parents act the same age!

    43. Jade

      I haven't seen the episode (living in Australia and all), but I follow your blog and many other Waiter/Waitress blogs. I have two kids (nearly-2 year old and a 2 month old), and we only take them out when we know they'll behave, if they don't, we leave. And we only go to family friendly restaurants. I can't stand screaming children, and neither can my eldest… i've actually seen her give a 2yo's version of a glare to another kids who was misbehaving! I hope one day to visit America, and if my kids misbehave, our server would get a big tip.<3JadeSydney, Australia

    44. Anonymous

      When I'm eating at a restaurant I really don't care that "kids are kids". If you can't control your child, I shouldn't have to deal with the outcome of your poor parenting.

    45. sweetleaf .k

      THESE PARENTS WILL REEP WHAT THEY SEW!!I have 1 son and refused to raise a spoiled brat. What is going on with these bratty kids IS THE PARENTS. Is that really a shock? Parents these days want to be friends with their kids and want to be the nice parent. When I took my son to a store or a restuarant he knew to behave or I'd swat his ass and he did not want to be embarressed in front of people. He would get his 1 warning and if he didn't listen then he'd get popped on the ass. Kids look to us for guidence, NOT for us to be their friend. I HATE SCREAMING FUCKING KIDS, I ALWAYS say something to the parent that I wish I could be a fly on the wall when they become teenagers because if YOU don't stop this now it will get 100 times worse and I would LOVE to see what you do then. They need to know you mean business. When my son was 15 yrs old, he asked me why I couldn't be a friend to him like one of his friends parents. My responce was, I had enough friends and didn't want any more and that it was my job to prepare him for this world. Parents these days ARE LAZY, PERIOD!!!

    46. sweetleaf .k

      Bob1, YOU ARE A DISGRACE, this is why you hide your identity. SHAME ON YOU FOR YOUR POST and next time you have something bad happen to you, that WILL BE YOUR KARMA. I think you're still in the closet yourself and you're afraid to admit it, so, you don't have a partner of your own and you're still beating off in that closet and you're starting to go blind.YOU'RE A CREEP AND YOUR MOTHER WOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOU, I WOULD IF YOU WERE MY SON…

    47. Toniah

      Saw you on the dr phil rerun. Loved your comments and read your blog. Loved it. I have 2 children but I have never had either to act like this in public. I spanked until grounding hurt them worse. The sooner children realize that there are consequences for their actions, the sooner they learn how to act.

    48. Anonymous

      Four grandkids 8 to 9 months. They are very well behaved in a restaurant. Yes, we do bring special food for the baby, but the others will eat anything. We order the basics for them however so there will be no conflicks. If someone does act out they are removed by their dad; there are no tears or red face when they return but they do obey. There are restaurant that I would never take the kids to. We also eat early 4-5:30 — that is their dinner time & we don't have to wait long for a table. When my children were little, they also behaved in a restaurant. Parents have to be responsible. It is funny when a child is acting up & my grandkids are all stares!!!

    49. Kay

      If only your mom had practiced abstinence then we wouldn't have to look at your ridiculous hair or hear about how you don't like children and have completely forgotten that you were once an ugly little kid that people had to deal with. I'm sure you remember being perfect, but we all know that's not true. Children are children and no matter how much parents try to control their child's impulses they are often still louder and more active than they would like. Congrats on being an internet troll. I hope one day you get to walk a mile in the shoes of parents. I also hope that one day you'll find an actual talent other than being someone's server and a professional complainer.

    50. Anonymous

      THANK YOU! I agree 100%! I have been in hotel guest service, restaurant service and restaurant management for a good part of my working life. I also have worked in schools, in every age range from kindergarten to 12th grade. One thing is consistent in each job, and that is you can pick out the good PARENTS from the severely crappy ones based on the behavior of the child. If parents cannot be parents, they should not have children and make the rest of us deal with them. My parents only had to take us out of a restaurant ONE time that I can recall and it never happened again. We had consequences for our actions and if we screwed up, we knew what to expect. I LOVE kids, that's why I work at school, but I do not appreciate screaming out of control kids with oblivious parents while trying to enjoy dinner with my husband. Amen to the fifth grade who said she would rather deal with attitude than tantrums! I now work with middle and high school students for that very reason. As for babysitting while parents have a smoke, try being literally the ONLY person on duty at a sold out hotel and having a parent, drunk of course, leave their puking kid in the lobby because "the desk clerk will watch you, you will ruin our fun cause you are sick… That's what she gets paid for… " (yes I have called police on several parents for situations like this at both the hotel and in my restaurants, and I would again if a parent was so stupid as to pull this shit again.)…..

    51. Anonymous

      My kids are well behaved thay know if there not there asses will be in truble when thay get home my kids have never pitched a fit in a public place so to me the band isn't far to children that is behave…..I understand kids that throws a temper tamper I have seen kids that if that was my kids. I would take them to the car and spank there asses and dare them to back sass me..that's what is wrong with kids today u spank there asses u go to jail hell I was spanked everyday and turned out just fine

    52. Joyce

      To Kay,How dare you personally attack someone by telling them their parents shouldn't have had them, or degrade the type of work they do for a living. A person working and providing for themselves is honorable no matter what job they do. Do you degrade plumbers? Pest control technicians? Nurses? Do you think that less of yourself to go to restaurants to order people around that you think less of so you can feel better about yourself? You are that person that won't take care of your children in public places. Common sense would tell you that if you can't control your child in public when can you control your child if at all? You need to do yourself a favor realize that the best part of being a parent is raising responsible adults. Having said that, we all learn by example. It would be nice if you became an adult, treated people and their professions fairly.your children would have a great example. Kids that are brats are doing things for attention. Pay attention to your kids. The people around you are tired of your immature ways. Just because you have the physical equipment to make children, does not make you a parent. The day will come after you spent your life ordering servers around because you have this notion that different types of jobs deserve such disrespect, a judge will be presiding over your case that your immature adult child has gotten in trouble over. That judge will recognize you as he might have got a job as a server to pay his way through college. Good luck with your life and that attitude you have.

    53. jnana

      Some of these are impossible! Walking around barefoot? Leaving their kids for a smoke outside? Can't believe some parents actually do that!

    54. kimeej

      Parental should definitely step up more with discipline kids when it comes to outrageous behavior publically. However, I also think that maybe there should be designated areas in public facilities and on air flights for parents with kids.

    55. Anonymous

      True I am a waitress at a coffee house you would not believe how many parents come in there let their kids run around go up to ur self serve coffee bar, scream orders at me try to be funny by running around while I have hot plates in my hand go back to our server station and try to grab are things. 1 time this lady came in and gave her kids the sugar packet to entertain themselves. children at restaurants yes brats at restaurants hell no!

    56. GaP

      And trust me, a LOT of this stuff makes it onto a plane. I work as a flight attendant for a major airline…Kids can be chaos and some parents won't be happy until they share some of it WITH you…because it takes a village, apparently…

    57. Shirelle

      I saw this Dr Phil episode yesterday and HAD to comment. This will be lengthy..First, these parents are to blame for their kids behavior ,period. When I was younger, it was SEEN and NOT HEARD. When we were in public, all my mother had to do is give me a STARE and my "bad behavior" was a distant memory!! I'm not saying you MUST spank your kids, but some of these Freddy Kruger kids NEED a healthy spanking on the ass at home so they KNOW not to misbehave in public.Why on Earth would a parent bring a child under the age of 6ish to a five star restaurant anyway?? To disturb me? Keep your bad ass fucking brats at Discovery Zone, Chuck E Cheese, Sahara Sam's or anywhere that has a children's goddamn menu.So what, I don't have kids!! That doesn't mean I have to tolerate your demon child's screaming while I'm eating. To the parents that completely ignore their kids' wrongdoing are gonna be the ones begging the warden for their child's stay of execution. Extreme? probably, but I'm sure most of you all get what I'm saying.The chick that got arrested at the library on the show. SMH. Who else thinks that her kid was probably doing a little more than "cooing"????? Who else thinks that she probably did a little more than leave the library quietly???? Uh Yeah ma'am. I just cannot imagine the library calling the fucking POLICE because a baby was cooing uncontrollably..and she says oh the library I was at really didn't have students studying>?? Who fucking cares?? Everyone knows that a library is a "quiet" place!! That's like bringing your 2 month old to a loud ass movie, then getting pissy when WE ask you to quiet your baby!!So basically the opposers think that the childless folk should just have a tolerance of their kids!!?? okay yeah, kids and adults alike can be a little noisy..Laughing, playing, etc. But I don't want to trip over your Devil's Spawn of a brat crawling around on the floor or hear him screaming his head off about why he can't have orange juice instead of apple..Let's chat about the chick on the plane..Again, I swear these people are telling half stories. I'm sure the stewardess asked her to quiet her child in a nicer way than what she said. Againnnn, I cannot imagine someone getting their thongs in a bunch because her kid was saying "bye bye airplane" a few times. As for her comment about him getting a new job, fuck off lady. Everyone works and takes pride in what they do. I dont care if you're wiping asses or some CEO. Bottom line….If you have trouble controlling your kids at home, keep them there!!

    58. Anonymous

      I happened to see the show yesterday due to the holiday and I’m so glad I did because I love you and your blog. I have a girlfriend who was in her late 30’s when she gave birth to her first child, a/k/a the savior. He’s 5 now and she still has not figured out that everyone in the world does not think every obnoxious thing he does is as cute as she does. I have never met parents so afraid to tell their kid no because they are afraid he “won’t like them” or it might affect his self-esteem. He has no boundaries, no manners, no bedtime, no discipline and no consequences. Among other things, they’ve been asked to leave numerous restaurants because of his behavior. They have been asked by the manager what the restaurant can do to help them control or quiet their child in which case they have had their food boxed up and left furious. Her opinion is that if someone opens a restaurant in the suburbs, they should expect children in their restaurant. It’s always “bitchy old ladies” and “assholes who obviously have no children” who complain to management, make comments or give them dirty looks. Here’s the kicker: she generally writes a letter to the corporate office of the restaurant about the terrible treatment they received and she typically receives a gift card from the restaurant with their apologies! So she gets the message that she is right – she is rewarded for her son’s bad behavior and her lack of effective parenting and feels vindicated. Can’t wait to see what happens when this one starts school!

    59. Kelsey Borlan

      Hey there,My name is Kelsey & I am both a new mother and a former server. I get it, children being allowed to misbehave in restaurants (or any public place for that matter) is beyond irritating. I personally filter the activities we do (and the times we do them) outside of the house because I really don't want to be one of "those parents" (you all know who you are… or maybe you don't). But I do think that the key phrase is "allowed to misbehave".However entertaining your rants may be, I found this post regarding your great debate on Dr. Phil disappointing. I think that there is a lot to be said about your attitude. I'm sure that part of this is just your online persona, but its disrespectful. Not all parents are bad. Not all kids are either. Moreover, you live in a world where kids are a necessary cog in the great circle of life, people aren't bad for having them, & (thankfully) your opinion does not frankly matter. Finally, because of this and the industry you are in, it would likely behoove you to change your approach & perspective. Again, I have been a server & I KNOW how frustrating it can be BUT we get out of life what we put into it & with an attitude towards children & parents (also known as paying customers who control your income) like this, I do not believe you will get all you can. Maybe you will, I don't know.

    60. Anonymous

      Bitchy Waiter you rock! I will sit at the bar, even around smoke to avoid loud brats. When I was a little tyke, going out to eat was a rare luxury, and I was expected to display manners even in McDs. My parents believed strongly in the notion that kids should be seen and not heard, and if you screamed, it had better be an emergency! I chose not to have kids and definitely deserve to enjoy my outing without being subjected to them.

    61. sadi

      Great post, and I totally agree. Parents, take care of your own children when you bring them to a restaurant, movie, store, etc. The rest of the village is tired of being bothered because you couldn't be bothered to do your job. Raise 'em right, or keep 'em at home.And "Beelzebub Babies" made me laugh!

    62. tasha

      To bob…for a "non homosexual" (if its not a word I just made it up…lol…)anywho…if you are such a heterosexual male….what are you doing watching daytime television….just because you are having a hard time coming out does not give you the right to hate on some1 who has what you want….and just because a person happens to work in the service industry…it does not mean that they have to bow to insecure wastes of space like yourself…you ignorant ball of rotten flesh…

    63. Rissa

      They just aired this episode in Australia. I have a three year old and a nine month old. My older child is very well behaved as we are pretty strict, and my son is pretty chilled. However, I agree with the sentiment that some restaurants are adult restaurants, and some are family restaurants.I don't take my kids to "grown up" restaurants. I leave them with a babysitter, and go there with my husband. Grown up restaurants are not only inappropriate for children, they are BORING for children. Why would I want to eat expensive food while simultaneously having to entertain a bored child?We generally only take our kids out to family style places that have paper on the tables, cups of crayons, and a play area for kids. I have children and I find children in adult restaurants irritating. I also find children at formal weddings pretty bad too, but I guess that is a whole different story……

    64. Gangles

      Dear The Bitchy Waiter,This blog has made me very happy. You bitch about all the things I hate about waiting. You have actually saved so many lives, because after reading your posts I feel less like belting patrons repeated in the face with their 1/8th-strength-half-soy-half-extra-hot-but-not-too-hot-cappuccino-with-the-froth-on-the-side they just ordered until they die.I love you, Bitchy Waiter. Very Much.

    65. Bookgal

      I'm a children's librarian. I dont have children of my own. I love kids. Love them. Sometimes I want to go somewhere where I can eat and dont have to have my librarian face on. Sometimes, I want to not have to listen to kids fussing and crying and carrying on. I do it all day at work. Wanting that does not equal hating kids. Wanting that means sometimes I want to dine out like an adult. And there is nothing wrong with having a resturant that caters to that. If I go to a family resturant I have to expect to deal with kids. If I go to a steak and wine place, then I want adult time.And a lot of parents have NO common sense when it comes to behavior in public places. Yes, I get she's a small child and is not going to behave perfectly. I dont expect that. But when she's been screaming for 20 minutes, and is throwing cherios, its time to leave. I hated having kids at my section when I was a waitress because 9/10 times the table would be a wasteland when they left and take me three times as long to clean. God bless the parents that at least tried to keep the mess down, or tipped me extra for having to deal with it.

    66. Anonymous

      I USED to be a huge fan. However, you have propagated PIT BULLS much like Mexicans protect their cocaine. Good luck with that. I think you have serious fucking issues now. Especially with your Midwest crowd. Shit rolls down hill kiddo. You have seen your day. you will never get famous after the shit you allow on your FB page. Absolutely disgusting.

    67. Pingback: The little customers | We wait

    Leave a Reply

    Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *