Thank you to everyone who alerted me to this Dear Abby column that happened over the weekend:
DEAR ABBY: My co-workers and I recently went out to eat and I was put in an awkward situation. One of them announced that I had left a big tip when I paid my bill. Abby, I always leave a generous tip. I was raised well below the poverty line, and my mother’s tips literally determined how much we would be able to eat that day. The co-worker who said it became upset with me and began lecturing me about how “rude” it is to leave a large tip, especially when you’re with other people. She even said it “degrades” the server.
My mom may have raised me differently than most people, but I was taught that it’s OK to leave a big tip as long as you don’t announce it to everyone. Was what I did considered rude? — GENEROUS IN CONNECTICUT
DEAR GENEROUS: No. The person who was rude was your co-worker, for making a spectacle. She probably did it because your tip made hers appear to be stingy. Diners leave tips based upon the quality of the service they receive. If you felt your server merited it, you were right to leave a large tip.
P.S. I have never heard of a server feeling “degraded” because of a large tip. Grateful, yes. Degraded, never!
Of course the response was sweetly written by Dear Abby, but I have my own response that I think is just a little bit better and more to the point:
DEAR GENEROUS: God bless your little pea-picking heart for knowing that servers depend on tips. Your mother must have been a very wise woman and she raised a magnificent child in you. As for your co-worker, she is a tired dried up piece of shit for brains bitch who was totally embarrassed that you made her look like the cheap nasty whore that she is. Maybe she should tie an apron around her waist for a couple of weeks and see what it’s like when someone leaves her a crap tip. Severs do not feel degraded by big tips. Maybe she thinks that it looks like pity or a hand-out when really it is just a customer’s way to say “job well done.” You want to know when servers feel degraded? They feel degraded when customers bark orders at them without ever saying “please” or “thank you.” They feel degraded when they are left a few coins on the table after they have busted their hump to make sure that the meal was everything the customer wanted it to be. They feel degraded when asked “so what’s your real job” or “what’s your back-up plan for your future?”
Leaving a big tip is not rude. Rude is ignoring the server who is trying to set the entree down while the customer is busy taking a fucking picture of his cocktail to send to his Facebook page. Rude is when a customer lets their child run freely around the whole restaurant bothering other guests and making it dangerous for employees who are carrying around big heavy steaming plates of food. Rude is when a customer stays at their table an hour after paying the check making it impossible to turn the table so that the server can actually make money while at work. Leaving a big tip is the opposite of rude.
Generous, you were right in what you did. I hope you left the tip that you wanted to leave and did not let that cheap bitch interfere with your good intentions. As for your friend, I suggest you cut her loose from your life. If she’s just a co-worker, then leave it at that. She is not someone you want to have anything to do with. Nobody likes her and you were probably the last person who could still stand being around her which is another credit to your mother who obviously taught you to respect other people. This person does not deserve respect. All she deserves is a punch in the cunt and a big bag of bed bugs.
The Bitchy Waiter
There you have it. Based on this thoughtful response, I should totally have my own syndicated advice column in a magazine. I am so fucking helpful and shit. If you agree, please “like” this and let’s make it happen.