On occasion, I will write about an outstanding server I had so the world will know that there are actually people who wait tables who go above and beyond the expectations of their guests and do it all with a smile and a wonderful attitude, unlike me who will take notes about your dining experience and then go home and blog about your ass. This is really about two such servers on opposite sides of the country. One is named Tia who works at the Sapphire Hotel in Portland, Oregon and the other is named Ashley who works at Dutch Kills Bar in Long Island City, Queens. Truth be told, I am not sure that Ashley was her name. I had a few cocktails that night and my brain was all mushy when I left, so maybe it was Samantha. Or Melissa? Honestly, she’ll never read this so it doesn’t really matter. As for Tia, she was not actually my server but a friend of mine who lives in Portland told me that she was amazing. Tia and Ashley/Samantha/ Melissa, this is for you:
(Since I didn’t experience the service that Tia provided, her story is 99% fiction)
Tia was incredible. She didn’t just walk to the table, she floated to it like she was a hovercraft with a cocktail tray. Her smile was brighter than Dr. Phil’s bald ass head and her hair was prettier than Paula Deen’s. No this has nothing to do with how she served the drinks, but a compliment is a compliment and since I wasn’t really there, I have no idea. Her hair looked like it was spun from gold. Like Rumpelstiltskin had just gotten a new batch of hay and spun it directly onto her head. Her uniform was perfectly pressed and she manged to hold forty five glasses at one time when she was bussing a nearby table. (I wasn’t there, remember?) She knew what everyone wanted to drink just by looking at them. “So let me see,” she said. “It looks like we will be needing two Jack and Cokes, a Bud Light and apple and pear cosmo with a splash of St. Germain for the gay guy in the corner, is that it? Oh and I am going to give you all separate checks because I can tell that you guys are pretty good friends but one of you has a habit of not putting enough money down and screwing everybody else. I’ll be right back.” She floated off and three seconds later she materialized with the drinks and a complimentary plate of nachos “with the jalapenos on the side because two of you are going to get really trashed tonight and make out in the parking lot. Anything else you need?” she asked. Everyone at the table was mesmerized by her all-knowing personae. The gay guy in the corner was hoping he was one of the people who would be making out in the parking lot later so he downed his cocktail and another one appeared immediately. Tia was amazing.
As for Ashley, I watched her as she put up with the flirtatious behavior of a much older man in her station. He was coming on to her and even though she was not interested, she let the old man get his jollies as she smiled and laughed at his jokes. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to drink and told her that it could be bartender’s choice. My only criteria was “vodka” and “citrusy.” She returned with a mint and cucumber concoction that was out of this world. She told me what it was called and how it was made, but if I can’t remember her name, do you really think I will remember the name of a cocktail? When we mentioned we were hungry, she whisked off and returned with a folder full of take-out menus. “You can order in, we don’t mind.” We asked for a suggestion and she told us that the bar-b-q place was very good and very meaty. Thirty minutes later as we were staring at our embarrassingly large plates of meat, she said, “See what I mean? Meaty! I’ll bring you some water.” She brought us our second round and we chatted about the lech across the aisle who had since left.
Meanwhile, back with Tia, when it was time to clear the tables she did so by repelling from the ceiling and removing the glassware as she hung upside down. “I didn’t want to bother anyone,” she explained.
Ashley removed our trash from out takeout order and had our check in her hand. “I’m not rushing you, but I have your check if you’re ready to go. After a pound of brisket, I’d wanna go home and take a nap.” She was right. We thanked her for her foresight and paid the check.
Whe Tia showed up with the checks, she thanked everyone for coming in. She gave a knowing wink to the two people she knew would be making out in the parking lot momentarily and then she gave Gay Guy in the Corner the phone number of another waiter who thought he was cute in that Gay Guy in the Corner kind of way. Tia was amazing.
We tipped Ashley 25%.
Tia was tipped 25%.
Each waitress went home from work that night satisfied that they had given wonderful service to their customers. Job well done, Tia and Ashley. (Or was it Emily?)
Do you remember the name of a great server you had once?