There is a restaurant in Las Vegas called Heart Attack Grill. The waitresses are dressed like nurses and the food is stunningly bad for you. One of the meals, the Quadruple Bypass Burger, can easily exceed 8,000 calories. Who the hell knows what they serve on it. I am too lazy to download their menu but I assume it has four patties, a ton of mayo, a whole pig, a pound of Velveeta and then it’s battered and fried. Well, the namesake came true this week when a diner was eating a Triple Bypass burger and had a heart attack right in the middle of his meal. According to reports that burger was only 6,000 calories. The guy survived the ordeal but not without getting wheeled out on a gurney as tourists took cell phone video of him in between their bites of fried lard.
Okay, I get that it’s all supposed to be fun and games in Vegas, but who wants to eat 8,000 calories in one meal? What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, but I’d want to leave Vegas with my arteries, thanks. Looking at pictures of the diners, they all are wearing hospital robes as they eat. And there is a rule that says if you weigh over 350 pounds, you get to eat for free. What in the hell kind of place is this? Now you know I loves me a greasy burger as much as the next fat pig, but I can’t even fathom having something that has four patties on it.
“It says right on the door, it’s hazardous to your health,” diner CJ Beeman pointed out as he sipped a milkshake made of ice cream, heavy cream, gravy, butter and pork rinds. Maybe the guy who had the heart attack figured he was on vacation and he may as well live a little. Well guess what, sir. If you eat something that has 6,000 calories in it, that is exactly what will happen: you will live a little.
Owner, “Doctor” Jon Basso, said there have been a ‘variety of incidents’ in the past, but this is the first full-scale coronary that happened in his restaurant. No word on the specifics of the other incidents. Probably minor things like choking on a piece of bacon or going into a sugar coma after having a piece of pecan pie that was covered in Crisco and grenadine.
I don’t really have a point to this story other than it happened and it’s crazy that America thinks it’s alright to eat like that. I just got through saying in my last post that there is no such thing as a lunch emergency. Apparently there is.