All The Rage and Very Stupid: Babyccinos

I have written about entitled parents and their entitled children way too many times, but it never seems to be enough. I can always find something else to say about the subject. Please allow me to beat the dead horse.

An article popped up recently on Yahoo news about a new trend in Park Slope, Brooklyn called “babyccinos.” It is what all the cool hip parents are serving their adorable kids: coffee drinks aimed for toddlers. According to the article, the drinks are mostly steamed milk or mini decaf cappuccinos. According to me, it’s fucking ridiculous. Why in bloody coffee bean hell does a two-year old need a cappuccino? Will the cappuccino give the kid that boost of energy it needs for that very active play date that’s scheduled for 1:00? Will the steamed milk help it fall asleep for it’s afternoon nap? Do mom and dad have money to burn so they are cool with throwing a few extra bucks to the barista? I don’t get it. What ever happened to formula, breast milk, water and American-grown, identity-preserved organic soy and whole-bean processed milk?

“My child has been going to cafes since he was a newborn,” said Katherine Haver, a freelancer who works out of coffee shops, sometimes with her nearly two-year-old son. “ ‘Coffee shop’ was one of his first words.” Really, Katherine? Your son’s first words were “coffee shop?” Are you sure his first words weren’t “pretentious mommy?” So here we have a woman who sits in Starbucks all day with her son parked in his SUV all-terrain stroller as she checks in on FourSquare and Facebook. People are constantly trying to walk through the aisle, but they can’t because her son is there vegging out and drinking a stupid ass coffee drink that she paid two bucks for.

And that’s another thing. My friend Suze Orman often refers to the “latte factor” which was originally coined by financial author David Bach. What this is is spending little amounts on a daily basis and not realizing how much you are spending in the long run; like a $4.00 latte every weekday ends up being over $1000 a year. Aren’t these parents setting their kids up for a constant financial need for things that they don’t actually need? When Junior is eight years old and wants a tall pumpkin cappuccino, where is that money going to come from, mom? Your fucking pocketbook, that’s where. In the words of Marie Antoinette, “let them drink water.”

The only thing that I think is worse than getting your kid addicted to a daily coffee drink is letting your kid drink too much soda. I saw a kid in his stroller on the 7 train last week. It was about three years old and he was drinking a can of Coca-Cola. His hand was so small that he could hardly hold it, but he was drinking it. Of course the kid was fat. I wanted to rip that can out of his pudgy little fist and explain to his mom what a bad habit this is, but the mom was munching on a giant bag of Doritos, so what was the point really?

Babyccinos may be the new rage in Brooklyn, but I like the quote from baritsa Sean Chin who works at Gorilla Coffee in Park Slope who says, “I have one customer who says that and it annoys the hell out of me.” Good for you, Sean Chin. I hope that you still have your job after being so vocal about the annoying parents who frequent your shop, but I commend your attitude. It is annoying. It’s stupid and unnecessary too. I can think of no real reason for two-year old children to be ordering coffee drinks other than entitled parents thinking their child is so special and mature that they should be doing something that is for adults. It reminds me of Processed Chicken Lady; “So my child has to eat processed chicken because he’s not worthy of steak?” No, your child wants to eat processed chicken just like he wants to drink apple juice. Parents, stop trying to pretend that your kids are adults. When your kid can afford a cappuccino and also pronounce it and spell it correctly, maybe then it’s alright. Any time before that, it’s just fucking stupid.

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18 thoughts on “All The Rage and Very Stupid: Babyccinos

  1. NellieVaughn

    I have to admit, I am guilty of purchasing two dollar hot chocolate at coffee shops for my nieces. Not often, but I do. It hurts every single time. I could buy an entire box of hot chocolate packets for half that price at Wal-Mart. They are four and five and the coffee shop experience makes them feel like adults. Because I want them to have the full experience, I make them work off the money I spend on them. They are good sports about it. Soon after they are done with the drink and fetching random things for me, they turn back into little assholes.

  2. Chunky Mama

    Well… while I totally agree with your point, I HAVE been known to (twice) get my kid one of those coffee-free frozen chocolate drinks at CBL&T. It's basically a slushy, delicious cup of ice-cold chocolate milk. And WHO WOULDN'T WANT THAT?But, I didn't buy it because I felt entitled or because he is spoiled or even because I thought he deserved it. I got him his own drink so he wouldn't ask for some of mine. 😉

  3. S'A

    I work in a grocery store and I saw a woman put Mountain Dew in her baby's bottle. I think the baby was only around a year old. Thank goodness they moved, because her kids were holy terrors!

  4. Allie

    As a barista, I'm with Sean. Babyccino parents are horrible. They're almost as bad as the obnoxious children they raise. If I had a dollar for every time a second-grader with their own debit card barked a hot chocolate order at me, well, then I'd have enough money to quit my job and punch one of those little bastards in the face. I'm Not Really a Barista

  5. Nightgaunt

    Babycinno? REALLY? REALLY WORLD? I'm guilty of buying my son Madelines at Starbucks, but thats a serious 'special treat' occasion, and we make that pretty clear. He loves those stupid cookies like we love our stupid fancy overpriced coffee drinks, but I'd never buy him something so obnoxious as that. He doesn't get to sip our regular coffee, decaf or otherwise, he sure as hell doesn't need a steamed version either. I also don't understand the need of some people to be rude to people who work at these places. I guess it feeds the image they have that they're too superior to work in retail or food service. Very dumb idea that.

  6. Anonymous

    First time I heard about the babyccino was 3 years ago. I was working in the bar of a so called posh hotel and the manager would bring in his 4 year old son every day and order a latte for himself and a babyccino for the son. So bloody pretentious! Who are they kiddin?!!

  7. bamazalea

    I am definitely not pretentious. I brew the coffee at home and serve it to my kids every morning with NO creamer and NO sugar damnit.If I were to work as a barrista and have to be subjected to these people ordering babyccinos, I might be tempted to slip a lot of caffeine into the drinks just to screw with them.

  8. injaynesworld

    Something else that I've never heard of that now pisses me off. Just wandered over here from my good friend, CaliforniaGirl, and where have you been all my blogging life?Could not agree with you more. Yet another argument for free and readily available contraception in this country.

  9. Bustednuckles

    Fuck me, I am going to wind up in Nebraska if I get my wishes,California Past Utah and New Yawk past Pennsylvania can go the fuck away in a massive earthquake and good fucking bye.

  10. Practical Parsimony

    Until my children were old enough to demand something they should not have, I never considered giving it to them. When the did demand things, I figured out a way to placate them without harming my cash or their bodies. When we went on trips, I acquiesed and allowed a McD stop. They got a bit of Coke in their milk…."Oooh, yummm, Mama will give you! some Cokemilk". As teens they still loved their milk with a splash of Coke if they found my Coke can sitting unguarded.Kids just don't need experiences grown ups "need." Let them develop their own tastes in their own time, unless it is feeding them healthful food.

  11. bamazalea

    My kids just turned seven and have never had a coke, let alone a coffee. While I still have the control, they aren't going to. They can abuse their bodies when they get older but not on my watch. They ask why they can't have a coke, etc. and I say because it's not healthy for you. The daughter will of course come back with "but you drink diet coke". I reply "but I'm not growing anymore, you two still are." My son comes back with "sometimes you still grow, it's just not up, it's sideways." Then I lock them both up in the basement and make myself a VO & soda with a squirt of lime <— very healthy!


    Damn. I had my second child solely because my first refuses to drink anything but water. From a horribly colored sippy cup with a straw. Clearly, it does not ever go with my outfit. While Deuce is only 4 months old, I felt it time for him serve his purpose in life (accessory for me)so while it may ruin a $200 outfit or two and what, possibly scald him now and then? When I look up from Facebook to see his propped up Babyccino, it is always on the floor. Clearly, he slammed it.

  13. Mariana

    i just found your blog and i lurvesss it! living in australia, waiting is different but all the same.noone tips in australia unless 1. its fine dining or 2. the customers are from the industry. Babyccinos are huuuuge down here, every cafe has them and they are annoying as hell especially when you have 5 coffees(decaf soy lattes with 1/4 shot, double shot capuccino and other wanky orders) at a table and 10babyccinos. like seriously. almost as bad as when the mums decide to use the smallest table in the joint insted of the appropriate sized table at the other side of the cafe, where there is space for lil crazy kids to play and where to park their scooters and the prams (strollers). and like they own the place, they also decide to use the tables around the smallest table, because i have nothing else to do but clean ALL YOUR MESS…

  14. Tiny Bubbles

    I have a family of regulars that order there 3 year old “kid coffee”… Which is chocolate milk. It shouldn’t piss me off so bad but somehow it does.


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