Yes, another update about the asshole customer, John Castle, who allegedly broke the finger of his server, Paul Kucik when the waiter had the nerve to present the check to him. The waiter sued the asshole customer and now there is word that the asshole customer is counter suing the sever. I won’t get into the details again because you can click the links above to read the original story, but why the hell is this asshole counter suing? One report said that the server was suing for at least $15,000 but the asshole who allegedly broke the finger is a multi-millionaire. Wouldn’t $15,000 be chump change for him? If he is worth $10,000,000 then $15,000 is .15% of his wealth. Let me put into terms we can understand: if we made a $100 and had to tip out .15% to the busser, that would be fifteen whole fucking cents. His wife probably uses $15,000 for her weekly “fresh flowers in the bathroom” budget. He probably has a tie that cost that much money and whenever someone compliments it he says, ‘Oh this old thing? This is what I put on when I don’t care what I look like.” Hey, John Ass’le, we already know you don’t care what you look like, you Mr. Burns doppelgänger, you.
According to reports, both side have witnesses to back up their claim. Allow me to imagine how that might go down.
John Ass’le’s witness on the stand is a 62 year old woman who was dining at the next table:
Yes your honor, I had just put a bite of caviar into my mouth when the incident happened. I could barely see what was going on because I just got an eye lift three weeks before and the skin around my face hadn’t really settled in yet. But from I what I saw, the lowly waiter practically threw the check at my dear friend John Castle. John politely explained to him that he wasn’t ready for the check yet and asked that he just add it to his monthly account. The waiter became very irate at this point. I took another sip of champagne and adjusted my Spanx and the next thing I knew the waiter was howling in misery the same way I do when my maid touches my jewelry box. He was screaming that John had hurt him but I simply don’t believe it. John would never hurt a fly. He is the kindest , sweetest most thoughtful multi-millionaire I have ever met.
Paul Kucik’s witness on the stand is a 38 year old waiter who was also at work that night:
Yes your honor, John Castle is a regular and he is a rude arrogant man who we all hate to serve because he treats us like dirt. I cannot be certain, but I also think he likes the smell of his own farts. His wife asked Paul for the check which is unusual because we normally just add it to the customer’s monthly account. But since she told Paul to give the check to her husband, that’s what he did. Mr. Castle called Paul a schmuck and grabbed the check with his left hand. With his right hand, he squeezed Paul’s hand and then started to bend his fingers back. It wasn’t really that surprising because we all know what a prick he is. Same shit, different day, you know your honor? Paul fell to his knees and that is when Mr. Castle let go of his hand. Paul went to the side stand and his hand was all swelled up like Mrs. Castle’s lips are every other week when she gets her bi-monthly lip injection of virgin sheep collagen. Paul, finished his side work and then punched out and went to the hospital for an x-ray which is when he learned his finger was broken by the biggest asshole who ever comes to our restaurant.
The whole thing will probably be settled out of court unless Mr. Ass’le wants to bury this guy in legal fees simply because he can afford to do it. Why can’t he just admit that he lost his cool and then shell out the money for the guy? This is the kind of person who gives the 1% a bad name. I will try to keep an eye out for updates on the story, but quite frankly, the whole thing pisses me off.