It seems like only yesterday that I rolled my lazy ass out of bed and hobbled over to the computer to figure out a thing called Blogger. “Hmmm, wouldn’t it be fun if I wrote a blog about waiting tables and sent it to my friends?” It was three years ago on December 8th, 2008 when I posted my first (incredibly short) post. Of course it was about children. Three years and 682 posts later, I am still writing and every once in a while I shart out something that I think is pretty good. Most of the time, it’s regurgitated crap that we’ve all seen before and I just put my own spin on it (In other words, hastily written with bad grammar and occasionally decent punctuation.) Happy third anniversary to me! There are others who celebrate today as their birthday, but they are all dead; most notably Flip Wilson, Sammy Davis Jr. and Sinead O’Connor (she may actually be alive and it’s just her career that is dead…not sure.)
This has been a good year for Bitchy Waiter. We saw some national exposure thanks to Dr. Phil and CBS Sunday Morning and I even turned up in the New York Post. Yesterday, I sent off my book proposal so that some literary agent somewhere will have something fresh and clean to line their cat’s litter box with. You’re welcome, literary agent.
The traditional gift for a third anniversary is something made of leather while the modern day equivalent is something of crystal or glass. While a new pair of leather assless chaps would be lovely and I would never turn down a gift of glass or crystal as long as it was filled with vodka or tequila, I don’t want that shit. I want world peace, an end to global warming and 30% tips. And If I can’t have that, then I want you to watch this video and then “like” it and share it so I can see amazing numbers on my blog today. (Thank you to Jasmine, the superstar employee of December, who came up with the idea to do a parody of this song and then I totally stole the idea and ran with it).
If it is too much to ask of you to click the stupid little ↑↑↑ “like” ↑↑↑ button, then all I want is for you to keep coming back here every now and again. I will try my best to make you smile or laugh or get pissed off or cry or something. This blog is here for two reasons: to give me something to do instead of housework and chores and to entertain the people who read it. Thank you for being here. If it wasn’t for you, this blog would not still be rolling along three years after it started.
Have a good day.
The Bitchy Waiter