Dear Bitchy Waiter

Time for another installment of Dear Bitchy. I dug into the mailbag and found this question that perhaps I can shed some light on. You can email me here if you have a question that needs attention. Or email me to say hello. That’s nice too.

Dear Bitchy Waiter,

I work in a restaurant, have been doing the classic rollup for years. The problem is the flap hangs out and doesn’t always keep the silverware tight in the rollup. There was a person I worked with who rolled the silverware so that everything got tucked into the rollup, so it wouldn’t come unwrapped. I can’t remember how he did it!!!!:) Do you know how to do that? If not, where should I look? Signed, David

Dear David,

I do know of this secret technique you speak of. Are you referring to the one where all the corners of the napkin are somehow practically invisible and the rollup remains tight even as it is stacked and then carried to a drawer or bin? The technique was taught to me by a Buddhist monk who lived in a cave in the mountains of the Himalayas. He was on a 40 year vow of silence and all he did was eat, pray, and do rollups. I went to this guru once so he could show me the art of mastering the rollup. Unfortunately, I made a solemn swear to him that I would only pass on his technique to people who worked with me and could volunteer to do my sidework for three weeks in exchange for the coveted information. Sorry, David. Besides, the place I work now is a class act super fancy place that uses paper napkins so I very rarely use the rollup technique anymore. Had you asked me how to wrap to-go item in foil into the shape of swans, geese, elephants, puppies, goldfish, Mariah Carey, antelopes or cantaloupes, I would happily direct you. But you didn’t so I won’t. I did find this video on You Tube that may help you.


And David, I do apologize that I am unable to pass on the information that you need. The monk’s name was MahaThera Sayagi U Ba “Scooter” Khin and I know he would be very disappointed in me if I shared his knowledge. I am sure you understand, right David? If the above video does not help you, I would suggest you take a quick trip over to Asia. There is a La Quinta in the foothills of the Himalayas that has a pretty good rate with a free Continental breakfast. The front desk can direct you to which cave Scooter lives in. He’d love to help you. Tell him I said hello. By the way, if you go, don’t forget that Scooter is on a vow of silence so don’t expect a lot of chit chat. Good luck!

The Bitchy Waiter

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