Dear Bitchy Waiter

Time for another installment of Dear Bitchy. I dug into the mailbag and found this question that perhaps I can shed some light on. You can email me here if you have a question that needs attention. Or you can just say hello. That’s nice too.

Dear Bitchy Waiter,

Not too long ago I arranged for a dinner at a local restaurant because my brother and his fiancee were moving to California. It was very small and just a group of friends, no family. Two of our good friends are sisters and they brought a friend (table of 6 now). When our friends arrived they ordered drinks and were carded. They made a big ordeal, and it was their fault. They left their IDs at home. It was very embarrassing to the other people at the table. They kept on and on, and were verbally harassing the waiter and manager (who both spoke little English). I love hanging out with them, but they act like crap sometimes. One is also positive that if a restaurant expected her to provide the server with a “tip” than they should have put it in the price of the plate.
Help! How can I eat with my friends who are tacky non-tippers.
PS- The evening the 6 of us were eating, I picked up the tab and tipped got the hell out of there. Oddly, they all stayed and just ordered at the bar of the restaurant the rest of the night.



Dear Rachel,

First off, let me applaud you for letting these two sister friends remain a part of your life because clearly they are annoying, needy, cheap and totally lame-o. I want to know why the two of them thought it was alright to bring along a friend of theirs to this farewell dinner for your brother. Did this third wheel know your brother or did she just sniff out a free meal and tagged along because she was tired of eating Alpo and Top Ramen in her efficiency basement apartment? I vote for the latter. Your two friends shouldn’t have brought her along. That is the first thing wrong with the situation, but they did so what can you do? And then they complained that they were carded and they didn’t have their ID’s? Super annoying, but don’t be embarrassed. The server wasn’t annoyed with you, trust me. As for the sister who thinks a tip should be added to the price of the food, I call bullshit. She would be the first one to complain that her corn dog platter with tater tots cost too much money. That’s just an excuse she uses to justify her evil penny-pinching, cheap-ass-whore ways.

The solution is simple. Do not eat out with these people ever again unless you are comfortable dining at Burger King, White Castle, Wendy’s, Taco Bell or KFC. If you love hanging out with them in certain situations, do it only then. I assume you are referring to the times you go to the discount movie theater or the Dollar Store, right? Or maybe the BOGO sale at Payless? And I bet they always want you to drive because they don’t want to use their gas and when you go to their house they never turn on the A/C because it’s “bad for the environment” which is code for “I’m too cheap to pay the electricity bill.” It shouldn’t be too hard to exclude them from dining out with you. The next time you see them at their weekly garage sale or bi-monthly Tupperware party and they ask why it’s been so long since you’ve all gone to dinner together, you can say this: “I’ve just been trying to eat at home more often in order to save a little money. Surely your cheap ass can understand that, right, bitch?” No harm done.

On behalf of your server that night, thank you for picking up the tab. If those tight skanks sat at the bar for the rest of the night and didn’t tip, I’m sure they will not be welcomed the next time they drag their carcasses in. By the way, if they didn’t have their ID’s, how did they manage to get served? Lemme guess…blow jobs, right?


The Bitchy Waiter

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9 thoughts on “Dear Bitchy Waiter

  1. Mind Of Mine

    I am also wondering if the tag along friend even knew the host, if not, how rude for those bitches to bring another person along, they could have at least contributed to the meal for the tag a long. Rude.

  2. WJ

    Rudeness and general asshole-ness is something I cannot stand, especially from people I feel obligated to spend time with. Unless the rudeness is called for, it is three strikes and you're out.

  3. Practical Parsimony

    A woman I was trying to help to fill out an online resume left her id in the car when we went to the library to use the computer. She was so angry at me because I did not tell her she had to have her driver's license. And, she had to walk all the way out to the car to get the license! But, to fill out the resume online before at Lowe's, she did not bring name of previous supervisors, addresses, did not know the names of places she worked, and wanted to use me as a business reference!! Can I say she was a complete and total flake who could never have held down a job at Lowe's? No, were not friends! For a tagalong at a dinner I was paying for, I would have announced to the group that I only had money or credit on my card to pay for original invitees, so we could all just go to McD's unless the interloper wanted to pay her own way. Or, the person who invited her could pay. I am sorry, but I am direct enough to have told her in front of the whole table that I assumed she was going to pay for her friend she invited, even if she knew the guest of honor. Or, if I wanted to be polite, I would dun her later. If I were not reimbursed, I would shun her forever. I do not need friends who run over me. Besides, true friends don't run over their friends.

  4. Mary A.

    Isn't Rachel cool for being embarassed that her friends are ass-hats? I bet they are really funny or interesting or great looking or something, or else she wouldn't be friends with them. Because Rachel? Is awesome.

  5. KB

    Practical Parsimony knows stuff. Also, you'd make an awesome advice columnist, but we know that. And I agree…as a bartender of many years – WHO leaves their ID at home, or even in the car? Has that excuse worked for you before? Ever?

  6. Tyke in the Midst

    You clearly need to dump these juvenile so called friends,who are so blatantly obviously hanging out at Taco Bell and clearly know no better, they piss me off more than a giraffe with a stiff neck and an itchy ass.

  7. Rachel

    1. They drove.2. Tag-along knew the entire party pretty well. We're all friends.3. Three strikes and you're out isn't a bad idea. 4.BW is going to have to write books and columns if he keeps outing himself. Or perhaps he'll be the most sought after waited in North America!5. Mary A, that's a nice thing to say! I'm good to people. And yes, they are fun to hang out with (usually at their house!)6. I always take my ID too. What if we get in an accident, or any number of things. They are constantly losing shit. Often times it's lost in their bra somewhere :(7.They do like the Taco Bell. And luckily one of the sisters got fired from our job, and we're hanging out less. Thanks BW and all y'all that commented in my favor!


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