Today is an auspicious occasion. May 29th is one of the most special and reverent days of all 365 days of the year. It is on this day, a certain number of years ago, at 1:27 PM, that my mother pushed out 7 pounds and 11 ounces of bitch and ended up with a curly haired moppet destined for average. Rumor has it, when the doctor slapped my ass after birth, I slapped him right back and then asked him how he’d like his burger cooked. He handed me to a nurse who wrapped me up in an apron and placed me in a bread warmer. She gave me a sheet that had my sidework on it and the rest is history.
May 29th is a great day to be born. It always falls around Memorial Day so a three-day weekend is a pretty regular occurrence for my birthday celebration. This would be even more special if I wasn’t such a lazy ass who has three day weekends all the time. It was always great to have the last day of school right around my birthday and I even graduated from high school on my 18th birthday. A few years ago, a finished college on my birthday. Yes, May 29th is a kick ass day. Don’t believe me? Just ask these other people who share my birthday:
- John Hinckley, Jr.-the guy who tried to kill Ronald Reagan
- Annette Benning– one cool-ass actress lady
- LaToya Jackson- a nobody
- Bob Hope- legendary comedian (Pull out your Ouija board to ask him, because his ass is way dead)
- John F. Kennedy, Jr.- (Ask Bob Hope to ask JFK how he likes his birthday.)
- Melissa Etheridge– lesbian
- Melanie Brown- Spice Girl
- Lisa Welchel– the finest actress of The Facts of Life
May 29th is not just a day that produced amazing people, it also is quite substantial in the history of the world. Did you know that on May 29th in 1990, The Russian parliament elected Boris Yeltsin president of the Russian SFSR? Uh huh. And in 1328 Philip VI was crowned King of France. Big news! And Rhode Island and Wisconsin both became states on this date in 1790 and 1848, respectively. In sad news, this is also the day that we lost international icons Fanny Brice (1951), Harvey Korman (2008) and Dennis Hopper (2010).
But back to happy talk. Today is my birthday. Tonight I will be celebrating at a Mexican restaurant and drinking margaritas until there is the very real possibility that tequila will come out of my nose. In other words, pretty much like any other day of the week for me. On Monday, I am having a huge blowout in Central Park and by “huge” I mean about six people, some chicken salad sandwiches and lemonade spiked with vodka. As you go through your day today, please take a moment to send out good thoughts to me and my special lady, Lisa Welchel.
Have a great day! And thank you for being so awesome.