A Message From that Rapture Guy:

Dear World:

Harold Camping here! I hope you had a great weekend. Heard any good jokes lately? LOL. Well, what can I say? Oops! I know, I know. I was adamant about the world ending on Saturday and this time I was even more sure about it than I was in 1994, but I must have been mistaken with my mathematical equations. I blame it on the free calculator I got from Costco when I opened up a credit card account there. I owe you all an apology, but my sincerest apologies go to my followers who quit their jobs and spent their life savings in order to spread the word. Sorry. 🙂 And to that guy who spent $140,000 of his own money for the New York City subway and bus advertising campaign, you rock! Thank you for your support, but I never asked you to do that, did I? It was simply out of the goodness of your heart and you will be reimbursed for it. However, I can’t pay you back in dollars. Instead, I will put in a special shout out to God on your behalf. You’re welcome! 🙂 And please make sure you keep in touch, because I know you will want to help me out again when I plan for the next doomsday. Right now I am thinking some time in 2017, but by then I will be 95 years old. Depending on my health, I may have to bump it up a few years. Stay tuned!

Some of you may be wondering why I didn’t issue a press release sooner; like on May 21st at 6:05 PM perhaps. You might think I was too embarrassed to show my face but that is simply not the case. (I made a rhyme!) I had a very busy Sunday. Most of the day I spent on the phone with my credit card company. I needed to reverse several thousand dollars of charges I had made on my account over the last month. Truth be told, I really didn’t expect to be around to pay the bill when it showed up so I had to return a few items. Golly, I sure will miss that hot tub. I also had to go to the grocery store, water my plants and retrieve my pets that I had let loose in the woods. By the time I got all that done, I was plum tuckered out.

As for the thousands and thousands of dollars that you have all donated to my cause, I want to say thank you. It was really sweet of you to do that. I never ever in a million billion trillion gazillion years expected people to donate to my church. And this whole Rapture thing I can guarantee was absolutely 100% not a publicity stunt to fill my coffers with more gold. (Hey, maybe I don’t need to return that hot tub! 🙂 Just kidding! LOL!) Rest assured that all of that money will be used for something very very important. I have narrowed it down to three possibilities: I will either use it to build a school in Africa, feed the homeless or I might just let it sit in the bank and collect interest until I die at which time it will be bequeathed to my dog Noah, providing I ever find him in the woods.

Finally, I want to promise to you that the next time I predict a doomsday, it will definitely happen. And I don’t mean like probably happen or more than likely happen, it’s really gonna happen. And I mean that, because if I didn’t mean it then that would make me a false prophet. And false prophets are bad. (False profits are bad too, LOL! So again, I am so so totally sorry about the whole mix up. Don’t hate me, okay? Jesus loves you.

Harold Camping

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