It’s Easter! Let’s Serve Brunch!

I am taking the day off from blogging so I can work my first brunch in about six years. And it’s Easter brunch. I would ask God to have mercy on my soul today, but I know He’s busy commemorating the resurrection of his son today and all that, so I’ll just cross my fingers and hope for the best. I chose to re-post this piece because it has the word “Easter” in it. Happy Sunday!

While reading all the comments to the infamous vegetarian post it brought to mind another incident that happened at Pizzeria Uno once and it involved someone eating something they didn’t mean to eat. A table had ordered the delicious pizza skins® which were described on the menu as “a single serving of our signature skins complete with mashed potatoes, cheese, bacon and sour cream.” Basically, it was mashed potatoes on a pizza crust and I subsisted off of those for three or four months because they were the cheapest thing on the employee menu. One night as I was ignoring my section and eating pizza in the kitchen I heard a commotion out in the dining room. Yelling, crying, the works. Of course my nosy ass immediately dropped my slice and went out to see how I could be of assistance. A table had finished eating their Pizza Skins and then realized that there was bacon on them. The table was Muslim. And pork was forbidden. How they ate a whole plate of something covered in bacon and not question it, I will never know. If you ordered something and it came out with crispy pieces of meat sprinkled all over it, wouldn’t you ask what it was just to be certain they weren’t rat poops or something? (At Pizzeria Uno, South Street Seaport, a very real possibility.) The family was screaming at their waiter for not telling them they had ordered something with bacon as if it was his duty to know what foods were forbidden by every religion. And even if he did know, did they say, “We are Muslim and we are ready to order now?” I doubt it. They were very upset. The manager intervened and did the only thing he could do; he comped it. That’s right, the family had just devoured something that may send their souls to the eternal depths of hell and we took $4.00 of their check. I felt bad for them, I really did. The older woman was clearly devastated. How were we to know though? Shouldn’t they have read the menu and asked what bacon was? If they sat in my station, I would’ve had no idea. I had only just moved to New York City from South Texas, so I only knew about Catholics and Southern Baptists and as far I know they are both allowed to eat heaps and heaps of pork. In fact, in the Baptist religion I’m pretty certain that ham is just as important as Christmas and Easter. The family left the restaurant awash with the fear of their God. They all looked petrified of the future. Well, except for the youngest girl. She was smiling. You know she liked the taste of the bacon. Evil or not, that shit is good.

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11 thoughts on “It’s Easter! Let’s Serve Brunch!

  1. Kalei's Best Friend

    That reminds me of the kids who lived down the block that were Jehovah's Witness.. I never will forget on Halloween, the kids looking out their windows watching all the kids in the neighborhood having fun… They missed out on a lot of holidays due to their religion… It would be nice if some parents gave their child a choice wouldn't it? I know I have always given my kids choices and it made them think for themselves.

  2. Gallo

    Happy Easter Bitchy paisano!I am glad I follow your blog, all the best in this dreadful Easter sunday brunch

  3. Noelle

    We have guests that have been eating a dish for years that is cooked in bacon grease. They recently shared with us they don't eat pork how do we tell them now?

  4. kristin

    Hahahah! My ex-boyfriend, a Muslim, did the same thing at Bagdad's ( with the biscuit and gravy. How a Muslim could not understand that gravy typically has pork in it is beyond me. He devoured the whole thing and then when he asked the poor server if it did indeed have pork sausage after I asked, he went to the bathroom and threw up and prayed. Um, maybe next time just eat vegetarian guys?

  5. Noelle

    I'm allergic to shell fish I think I'll order the lobster bisque.of course that will just make you sick and maybe die, not go to hell. if the fussy gluten free diet makes me look for a potato vodka, I would think "i don't eat pork" would come in there somewhere between cocktails and apps.

  6. Tonya

    I can't imagine wanting to belong to any group, religious or otherwise, that forbids the eating of bacon. And I really can't imagine how you could give it up once you tasted its delicious siren call of salt and fat.

  7. Rachel

    I feel so bad for them…but how could they NOT have checked to see if there was bacon in the plate before they ate it? If your religion forbids you from eating something (and mine does, too), it is YOUR responsibility to make sure that nothing you eat contains that thing. Restaurant staff who may or may not know diddly-squat about your beliefs should not be expected to serve as your religious life guards.

  8. LAX Car Service

    If you're living in the United States, it's almost common sense of what bacon is, I feel. I feel terrible for the family, but if they are concerned about their food and religion mixing, then they should really read the ingredients more carefully. After all, wouldn't you be more offended if you were asked what religion you are?

  9. Kaos

    Several years late on this but…

    I am married to [an observant] Muslim. I only eat bacon when he’s not home. I keep a spacial pan to cook it in because 1) I give a shit how he feels even if I think it’s ridiculous, and 2) my pan is well seasoned…I could probably break the pan up and eat it and it would taste like bacon…and cast iron. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

    Anyway… being married to him for the past 11 years [and knowing him for a few years before that] I’ve been schooled on more things Muslim than I care to know.

    Re this: “The family left the restaurant awash with the fear of their God…”

    Nope. They would know that ‘god’ would forgive them for doing that unintentionally and their ‘souls’ are all good.

    ‘God’ might not forgive them for being stupid [i.e. not reading the menu, not paying attention to foods served in *this* country not being all halal all the time, not learning that bacon is generally pork unless otherwise noted (e.g. turkey bacon)].

    Being clueless that they were eating something they didn’t know wasn’t allowed…they’re fine, and they know it.

    I hope the girl grows up like a [Muslim] friend of mine did: rejected religion all together and now routinely eats a pound of bacon for breakfast. He will die [relatively…he’s over 50 now] young from cholesterol and heart issues [probably] but he will have spent a lifetime eating nummy nummy bacon.


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